Invasive MIL - two weeks pp
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Anonymous
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Your DH needs to step in and handle. It’s nonsense that he thinks she’s just “curious”; how would he feel if his FIL checked in every few days about his sperm production? Don’t talk to your MIL and don’t join calls. You’re doing your best under what sounds like a very stressful situation and you absolutely don’t need to explain or defend yourself to anyone. If anyone has strong ideas on how an infant should be fed, they are welcome to birth another and go for it.
FWIW I had a similar dynamic with my otherwise sweet MIL (who failed breastfeeding herself and was obsessed over it for her grandchild) when my newborn had latching issues. It’s caused pretty severe postpartum depression for me. Please don’t repeat my mistake and subject yourself to comments you find hurtful. You just birthed a child. You don’t need to hurt yourself to be polite. There will be other opportunities to be polite, I promise. |
Anonymous
This is not true. That was not my experience at all, however OP needs to check if she has IGT / tubular breasts. https://llli.org/breastfeeding-info/hypoplasia/ |
Anonymous
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OP, she sounds like a nutty B! I would want to lose it on her and I can see why you’re putting off a visit! She’s a loon for being so obsessed with your journey.
I also drove myself CRAZY trying to breastfeed my first DD. When I had my second DD, life was amazing and I’ll tell you why: Baby Brezza and the nice Kendamil organic formula that they sell at Target now. DD and I got to cuddle so much more and she was so happy. No one was stressed. I was able to produce a similar amount to you - just enough milk to drive me crazy thinking if I could only figure out how to up my supply. Such a waste of energy! |
Anonymous
Ignore this troll. I think at 2 weeks post partum breastfeeding is at the hardest point and it’s painful, too. I went through the triple feeding struggle too. All I can say is work with a good lactation consultant and be kind to yourself. |
Anonymous
You are a moron. I had a similar situation and had to briefly supplement with formula and eventually wean off the shield but we went on to successfully exclusively breastfeed for the whole year after the bumpy start and brief supplementation. I was so glad I didn’t listen to people like you. |
Anonymous
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OP, I’m sorry for your breastfeeding struggles. I had struggles too, with having to use a shield, low output, being stuck, dealing with pumps, etc. It was very liberating for me when I finally just moved entirely to bottle and could focus on other things relating to me and the baby. Here I am going to focus my response on dealing with your mother-in-law. The baby is best served by a mother who is comfortable and happy. Your mother-in-law is interfering with your ability to be comfortable and happy you have to start pushing back firmly with her and stop worrying about her feelings. Your feelings, and your babies feelings are the most important thing here. It’s time to tell your mother-in-law that there are issues, that you guys don’t want to discuss it with her, and if she keeps bringing it up, you will just hang up the phone. Your DH will be the one to deliver that message with you backing him up, and then you guys have to follow through. If she persists with her nosy, interfering questions, hang up the phone, focus on your baby and worry about your mother-in-law’s viewpoint or feelings.
This is going to be a long journey if your mother-in-law is a pushy type like that. This is where you stake out your territory as the mom. What MIL thinks and what she wants are very backseat to what you, your DH, and your baby’s wants and needs. Begin as you mean to go on, and that means establishing firm boundaries that protect you and your baby. Keep us posted and good luck! |
Anonymous
| PP here. Sorry for all the typos! I was dictating. |
Anonymous
You went from pumping 1 oz/session 2 weeks post partum to pumping the baby’s entire supply? |
Anonymous
Be specific though. Did you double your milk production after 2 whole weeks? |
Anonymous
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Formula fed babies are healthy too and your child absolutely won't remember or care if you don't breastfeed them.
Yes, definitely stop the call with your MIL. I like my MIL and I still wouldn't do a weekly video call with her. Let your DH do the call alone - it's his mom. (And, yes I do call my OWN mother weekly). Your mental and physical health is the most important. If you want to try a little longer, go for it for a little while, but also feel fine about stopping and just doing formula. I had low output and exhausted myself with nursing and pumping and ultimately still had to supplement with formula. Looking back, I wish I had just switched to formula and spent my energy getting adequate rest and spending more (enjoyable) time with the baby. |
Anonymous
The degree to which she follows up and only wants to hear from OP is not normal. Yes it is normal to talk about it but normal people let it drop when someone is clearly not wanting to talk about it. I will echo you being happy and relaxed is best for the baby. |
Anonymous
| Tell your husband you do not want to hear about what his mom says to him. It's too stressful. And try formula. |
Anonymous
| Ew! Can she just get her eyes and mind OFF OF YOUR BODY and give you peace!? You need to word this more strongly to your DH she is being invasive and inappropriate during a most vulnerable, precious, and important time. You’re not going to get this time back. Shove her nosy nose out of the nursery and don’t let her back in until you’re ready. Metaphorically that is. Of course you’ll need to couch all of these in nicer terms, politer language etc, but truly, “we need some special time alone to experience with just the three of us as a family “ and “Mom your questions are kind of personal, and you’re making her feel really uncomfortable and stressed out, which is bad for the baby. If she doesn’t want to answer a question, please don’t keep pressing” followed by “sorry, we’re unavailable.” “Oh sorry, were not available then either” |
Anonymous
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1. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE.
2. Establishing breastfeeding is hard under ideal circumstances. You're dealing with a lot right now. it's okay to use a shield. I used shields for the first 12 weeks. Baby just would not latch without one. 3. It's okay to mourn the breastfeeding experience you thought you would have. 4. It's okay to say "this isn't working, we're switching to formula" if that's the right choice for you. 5. Your DH needs to step it up right now and shut down his mother. How baby is fed, the details of feeding, none of it is her business if you decide its not her business. And if she will not respect that, firm boundaries need to be established and enforced by DH. His #1 job right now is to support you. If is mother is causing issues, he needs to deal with that immediately. His mother, his problem. 6. See point 1. And sending you lots of virtual hugs. |
Anonymous
How do you know this? Are you a doctor or a nurse? Where is your proof? Op, I'm sorry things are difficult for you. Can you ask your spouse to ask her to stop asking so many questions? It isn't helpful. Good luck! |