At what point do you just admit defeat and cheat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is uninterested in sex. I need it like I need air. I never thought of myself as a cheater, but I’m feeling so desperate. I’m so sick of constantly getting rejected and it’s killing me.

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I’d try to raise in in couples counseling if you haven’t, as a last ditch effort, it might flush out some hidden issue that could be dealt with. But if you’ve given him reasonable notice that you need more sex, and he isn’t doing anything to help it, I say do what you need to do. Vows are important, but you vowed monogamy, not chastity, and if you’ve raised the issue again and again and he has don’t nothing to change the situation, I think that is tacit consent. It would be a harder case if he was trying by giving you sex but it was bad.

Don’t bring another family into this!!! No cheating with a married man with a wife and kids—-who is almost always having sex with his wife still!!!

If you want to risk your kids and marriage fine—cheat with somebody single. When u get discovers and there is another family the destruction will be like something you can’t even imagine…and she isn’t going to let it go!

[Anonymous]

You admit "defeat" and divorce.

There is no point where you retain your integrity/dignity and cheat. The point at which you cheat is the point at which you become a cheater.

If that's who/how you are, you don't need a set point, because there's no point at which it becomes acceptable to a decent person to cheat. You'll get all kinds of justifications on this forum, none of which have any validity to a high-integrity person.

You're either a cheater or you're not.

[Anonymous]

Proceed with caution

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him you’re opening up your side of the marriage, since he isn’t holding up his end.

I know this is a common trope on this board, but it's not a real thing. You can't unilaterally declare a marriage open any more than you can unilaterally declare you're married to a person you went on a date with. The whole concept is based on mutual agreement.

"I declare my side of the marriage open" is just cheating with a side of contempt, it's not like you can fancy it up with verbiage.

OP you've got to fix your marriage or exit your marriage. Don't cheat.

[Anonymous]

No one "needs" sex like air. You know without air you would die. Without sex you are grumpy. It's much easier to justify cheating when it's such a necessity, but that's just a lie you are telling to yourself to make being a cheater more palatable.

Don't cheat on your spouse. Go to therapy or a divorce lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Divorce.

You don’t need sex like air. Just like men can go months / years without sex due to pregnancy or infants or whatever. And begins survive too.

No one needs sex. You want sex.

[Anonymous]

You will relieve yourself of a temporary problem and take on a permanent one if you do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you need someone's approval, you have it, from me.

Divorce is a major financial and social step, and it takes time, effort and money. You can get your needs met now. You should also mentally prepare to pay a social price if words gets around, since there are plenty of unfeeling idiots like the above.

+1. I am not a cheater and never ever plan to, but I’m also not a black and white thinker like most folks on this thread who think cheating is literally the worst thing a person can do, some have even implied it’s worse than all manner of actually illegal activities. Do what you need to do and agree, be aware that not everyone thinks like me and PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you need someone's approval, you have it, from me.

Divorce is a major financial and social step, and it takes time, effort and money. You can get your needs met now. You should also mentally prepare to pay a social price if words gets around, since there are plenty of unfeeling idiots like the above.

+1. I am not a cheater and never ever plan to, but I’m also not a black and white thinker like most folks on this thread who think cheating is literally the worst thing a person can do, some have even implied it’s worse than all manner of actually illegal activities. Do what you need to do and agree, be aware that not everyone thinks like me and PP.

Don't buy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you need someone's approval, you have it, from me.

Divorce is a major financial and social step, and it takes time, effort and money. You can get your needs met now. You should also mentally prepare to pay a social price if words gets around, since there are plenty of unfeeling idiots like the above.

+1. I am not a cheater and never ever plan to, but I’m also not a black and white thinker like most folks on this thread who think cheating is literally the worst thing a person can do, some have even implied it’s worse than all manner of actually illegal activities. Do what you need to do and agree, be aware that not everyone thinks like me and PP.

Don't buy it.

Yeah, you holier-than-thou posters on the Relationship forum are so tiresome. As if you've never done anything bad in your life. I'm willing to bet you've done worse things than cheating - you just don't realize it.

[Anonymous]

Adultery is sin and the worst betrayal of everyone you love. Don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you need someone's approval, you have it, from me.

Divorce is a major financial and social step, and it takes time, effort and money. You can get your needs met now. You should also mentally prepare to pay a social price if words gets around, since there are plenty of unfeeling idiots like the above.

+1. I am not a cheater and never ever plan to, but I’m also not a black and white thinker like most folks on this thread who think cheating is literally the worst thing a person can do, some have even implied it’s worse than all manner of actually illegal activities. Do what you need to do and agree, be aware that not everyone thinks like me and PP.

Don't buy it.

Yeah, you holier-than-thou posters on the Relationship forum are so tiresome. As if you've never done anything bad in your life. I'm willing to bet you've done worse things than cheating - you just don't realize it.

and those who condone it are immoral selfish narcissists. ESPECIALLY if you have children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Demonstrate integrity. Apart from your husband, if your kids or family eventually find out you've cheated, you'll cause lots of damage.

It's OK to decide your marriage is not meeting your needs and get divorced. But try to be honest with yourself -- don't stick around in your marriage because of the financial ramifications, for example, and then still cheat. You have to choose.

I agree strongly with this. Act with integrity. Your expression is fair - ask for a couple's counseling and propose an open marriage as a possible resolution. If it's rejected and you're continually rejected, then get a divorce. If you cheat without his consent and get caught, you'll have lost your integrity and your marriage; you risk losing your reputation, your co-parenting relationship with your spouse, and the respect of your children.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes you don't know how bad a relationship has gotten until you get a breath of fresh air.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is uninterested in sex. I need it like I need air. I never thought of myself as a cheater, but I’m feeling so desperate. I’m so sick of constantly getting rejected and it’s killing me.

.

I’d try to raise it in couples counseling if you haven’t, as a last ditch effort, it might flush out some hidden issue that could be dealt with. But if you’ve given him reasonable notice that you need more sex, and he isn’t doing anything to help it, I say do what you need to do. … and if you’ve raised the issue again and again and he has don’t nothing to change the situation, I think that is tacit consent.

This. If you’ve made yourself heard, clearly, and DH isn’t able or willing to fix things, then you have your answer. He doesn’t value sex and his revealed preference is that he is unconcerned about your sex life. You might even have this conversation explicitly, but you’re certainly having it implicitly. It won’t be cheating if there’s every expectation that he should know and if you don’t lie or try to hide it.