Seeking therapist/consult for NT teen with no friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid had anxiety and social anxiety. Once we treated that with meds, the social and school issues faded away. He’s now in college and off meds and has a group of friends. My advice. Don’t be afraid of meds. Use them as a short term tool. Sure, therapy helps but sometimes you need meds to help therapy achieve goals.

So, your son did not need the meds.

so because antibiotics cleared up your strep throat, you never needed them in the first place?

NP. Antibiotics are often overprescribed as well. You know this.
If one does need it for a confirmed strep throat case, that can be quantified. The antibiotics will in fact kill the bacteria. You cannot say the same for medicating one out of behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Op, it’s hard to know what the problem is here so who would be right to help. If it’s social anxiety, any good therapist for teens may be able to get to that. Here’s a suggestion — I’m not sure if she is taking patients but she is a very kind person and the mom of teens and wrote a book about making/maintaining friendships:
drandreabonior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid had anxiety and social anxiety. Once we treated that with meds, the social and school issues faded away. He’s now in college and off meds and has a group of friends. My advice. Don’t be afraid of meds. Use them as a short term tool. Sure, therapy helps but sometimes you need meds to help therapy achieve goals.

So, your son did not need the meds.

so because antibiotics cleared up your strep throat, you never needed them in the first place?

NP. Antibiotics are often overprescribed as well. You know this.
If one does need it for a confirmed strep throat case, that can be quantified. The antibiotics will in fact kill the bacteria. You cannot say the same for medicating one out of behaviors.

OP, post in the special needs forums, we have less idiots there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid had anxiety and social anxiety. Once we treated that with meds, the social and school issues faded away. He’s now in college and off meds and has a group of friends. My advice. Don’t be afraid of meds. Use them as a short term tool. Sure, therapy helps but sometimes you need meds to help therapy achieve goals.

So, your son did not need the meds.

I guess you don’t know how meds work.

You’re part of the problem with the culture of overmedicating children with psychographic drugs. Plenty of studies have been done to prove that this is a problem and you cannot deny that. Too many, like yourself, are quick to want to drug children to control behaviors that would be best for them to receive psychological intervention and treatment.

+1 help them figuring out the world without medication. OP said neurotypical.

[Anonymous]

Op back. Thanks to those who offered ideas. I do think DC has social anxiety, though it did not come up in the neuropsych's we have done. That is actually why I am asking for suggestions on therapists/consults to work through this. It does bother DC that he does not have friends. He is active and likes to do things out and about. We have tried all the typical suggestions: encouraging him to ask other kids to do things (like, other nice kids, not the "popular" kids or whatever), getting involved in clubs, etc. There is just something that makes him not be able to really break in and that is what we are trying to help with.

He is on a HS and club sports team that both take up a lot of time and though friendly with those kids, just hasn't been able to form friendships and in fact is a bit on the outside of the group there. If you saw him at a game or on the halls of school you would not think this is an issue for him because he is always chatting and joking around with kids but that has not led to any actual friendships and leaves him isolated at home.

I will check out the therapist recs PPs suggested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op back. Thanks to those who offered ideas. I do think DC has social anxiety, though it did not come up in the neuropsych's we have done. That is actually why I am asking for suggestions on therapists/consults to work through this. It does bother DC that he does not have friends. He is active and likes to do things out and about. We have tried all the typical suggestions: encouraging him to ask other kids to do things (like, other nice kids, not the "popular" kids or whatever), getting involved in clubs, etc. There is just something that makes him not be able to really break in and that is what we are trying to help with.

He is on a HS and club sports team that both take up a lot of time and though friendly with those kids, just hasn't been able to form friendships and in fact is a bit on the outside of the group there. If you saw him at a game or on the halls of school you would not think this is an issue for him because he is always chatting and joking around with kids but that has not led to any actual friendships and leaves him isolated at home.

I will check out the therapist recs PPs suggested.

It may not come up on a neuropsych, which is testing for different things. Social anxiety can go along with ASD, ADHD, etc, but a neuropsych isn't the way to diagnose social anxiety on its own. You can also get treatment for symptoms without a diagnosis.

There are multiple ways to find a therapist - calling your insurance to get a list of "in network" therapists; you can get on psychology today and narrow down by specialty/insurance/location; or by just googling and calling around. The most important thing is finding someone who *fits* with your kid - someone can have all the degrees in the world and if they don't form a connection with your kid in the first 2-3 appointments, it's time to try someone new. If you can't find someone "in network" for insurance, be sure to submit claims for partial reimbursement.

I do think starting with therapy is a good move - however if your child isn't making progress within a few months of starting therapy, anti-anxiety or anti-depressant medication can help with accessing therapeutic strategies. I know that it's hard to try medication, but it can be very helpful. The standard of care is Therapy AND Medication - not one or the other - if therapy alone isn't effective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op back. Thanks to those who offered ideas. I do think DC has social anxiety, though it did not come up in the neuropsych's we have done. That is actually why I am asking for suggestions on therapists/consults to work through this. It does bother DC that he does not have friends. He is active and likes to do things out and about. We have tried all the typical suggestions: encouraging him to ask other kids to do things (like, other nice kids, not the "popular" kids or whatever), getting involved in clubs, etc. There is just something that makes him not be able to really break in and that is what we are trying to help with.

He is on a HS and club sports team that both take up a lot of time and though friendly with those kids, just hasn't been able to form friendships and in fact is a bit on the outside of the group there. If you saw him at a game or on the halls of school you would not think this is an issue for him because he is always chatting and joking around with kids but that has not led to any actual friendships and leaves him isolated at home.

I will check out the therapist recs PPs suggested.

This is very helpful. You said "he is always chatting and joking around with kids" and he is in a club sport, etc so he is engaged. Does he have people to sit with at lunch? It sounds like he feels upset about this because he is "isolated at home." Does he have a lot of free time on weekends even with studying/keeping up with school work?

My kids do some sports and clubs and have friends (daughter has close friends, son has less close friends, but feels connected) and both of them prefer not to hang out with friends on weekends-just over breaks. My daughter texts a lot with friends, can't stand when her friends want to make Tiktok videos or stalk boys on social media so she prefers not to see them unless that often outside of school. My son needs down time to decompress and and they both have a lot of studying to do on the weekend. So, it sound like my kids are like you son is some ways, except they don't prefer not to see friends on weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op back. Thanks to those who offered ideas. I do think DC has social anxiety, though it did not come up in the neuropsych's we have done. That is actually why I am asking for suggestions on therapists/consults to work through this. It does bother DC that he does not have friends. He is active and likes to do things out and about. We have tried all the typical suggestions: encouraging him to ask other kids to do things (like, other nice kids, not the "popular" kids or whatever), getting involved in clubs, etc. There is just something that makes him not be able to really break in and that is what we are trying to help with.

He is on a HS and club sports team that both take up a lot of time and though friendly with those kids, just hasn't been able to form friendships and in fact is a bit on the outside of the group there. If you saw him at a game or on the halls of school you would not think this is an issue for him because he is always chatting and joking around with kids but that has not led to any actual friendships and leaves him isolated at home.

I will check out the therapist recs PPs suggested.

This is very helpful. You said "he is always chatting and joking around with kids" and he is in a club sport, etc so he is engaged. Does he have people to sit with at lunch? It sounds like he feels upset about this because he is "isolated at home." Does he have a lot of free time on weekends even with studying/keeping up with school work?

My kids do some sports and clubs and have friends (daughter has close friends, son has less close friends, but feels connected) and both of them prefer not to hang out with friends on weekends-just over breaks. My daughter texts a lot with friends, can't stand when her friends want to make Tiktok videos or stalk boys on social media so she prefers not to see them unless that often outside of school. My son needs down time to decompress and and they both have a lot of studying to do on the weekend. So, it sound like my kids are like you son is some ways, except they don't prefer not to see friends on weekends.

Sorry I am multitasking and realize my sentences don't make sense. My point is, your son seems to crave more social interaction on weekends so it upsets him, but he is engaged. Does he text classmates at all of do the whole group videogame thing? (I don't let my kids do it, but I know some of my son's friends enjoy gaming together).

Also, as people have mentioned in other threads, but about a teen-friendly job or volunteer work on weekends if he has the free time and feels lonely. Even if he doesn't become close friends with any of then, it's more interaction and a feeling of accomplishment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What wrong with not having friends

When you want them, everything.

[Anonymous]

What happens when he asks other kids to do things? If one declines, does he try someone else or give up?

You said the sport and club take up a lot of time. Are those kids socializing with eachother without him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid had anxiety and social anxiety. Once we treated that with meds, the social and school issues faded away. He’s now in college and off meds and has a group of friends. My advice. Don’t be afraid of meds. Use them as a short term tool. Sure, therapy helps but sometimes you need meds to help therapy achieve goals.

So, your son did not need the meds.

so because antibiotics cleared up your strep throat, you never needed them in the first place?

Exactly. PP seems to have low IQ

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid had anxiety and social anxiety. Once we treated that with meds, the social and school issues faded away. He’s now in college and off meds and has a group of friends. My advice. Don’t be afraid of meds. Use them as a short term tool. Sure, therapy helps but sometimes you need meds to help therapy achieve goals.

Is this like Zoloft or prosac?
Or more anti anxiety like Lexapro?

[Anonymous]

Jessie Vinik in Bethesda is excellent with teen girls with these issues, but not sure how boys respond/fit. She would be honest with you about her experience with boys though and might have other referrals for you.

[Anonymous]

Friends how many of us have them

[Anonymous]

Is it a public school or a small private school? If it's a public school with lots of social groups, I would be concerned, but social issues are not uncommon at small private schools, especially if your kid is not a lifer. Plenty of people leave privates for publics because of social issues.