Seeking therapist/consult for NT teen with no friends

[Anonymous]

I think your son working with someone who can help him understand relationship dynamics and how to advance through the various levels could help. It also isn't totally clear what is preventing him from taking things to the next level or whether he actually wants to do that, beyond "craving more social interactions."

Is he lonely? Does he feel unloved? Does he miss out on activities? A person who just wants to go to more parties with the team can learn to be superficially social and get more invitations. Emotional intimacy is different.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s not uncommon for boys. They have guys they hang out with doing activities but not really good friends that they can talk to. I think a lot of teen boys find this in a girlfriend, actually.

I agree with PP that suggested video games — it’s not my first pick but my son definitely has a crew that he games with and then they occasionally will go to the mall or go out for dinner together. They plan this stuff while they are all online chatting about the game, I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s not uncommon for boys. They have guys they hang out with doing activities but not really good friends that they can talk to. I think a lot of teen boys find this in a girlfriend, actually.

I agree with PP that suggested video games — it’s not my first pick but my son definitely has a crew that he games with and then they occasionally will go to the mall or go out for dinner together. They plan this stuff while they are all online chatting about the game, I think.

So true. This seems to describe my husband and my son. They are social people who talk to others at school and work but never hang out socially with anyone outside of those places. My son has been on sports teams and we always see him talking to kids. He has a part time job and is friendly with teens there too. It never translates to getting together with people outside of those places.

I encourage my husband to call or text people to even meet up at a sports bar when he sometimes complains he has no friends anymore but he doesn’t. I’ll say you know Jane’s husband Joe would love to meet up (because Jane tells me he says the same) and you both get along so well. They never do.

This is a drastic difference from my daughter who is constantly making plans and is out. If your son wants to talk to someone, absolutely, find a therapist. I don’t have a recommendation but it’s nice he wants to share and talk.

[Anonymous]

I would recommend the PEERs program over individual therapy (which did nothing for my son). I'm sorry, I don't have time to search back for your original post, but has your son tried robotics team or chess club? My son has not made out-of-school friends through those activities, but they have helped with having kids to sit with at lunch and talk to in school (which is an improvement over his prior situation).

[Anonymous]

Sorry, one additional question. Does he have ADHD? My son has difficulty faking interest in what is going on with others, if not genuinely interested, which often leaves him in the zone of someone to chat with at school vs. an actual deeper friendship.

[Anonymous]

I got the book for my kid called "the science of making friends" and although they didn't really want to read it, we read some together and it gave good strategies. I will bring these strategies up regularly and it seems to help.

Also there is a class called Social Explores at skills on the hill. Not sure if they have for older teens but just do some research.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got the book for my kid called "the science of making friends" and although they didn't really want to read it, we read some together and it gave good strategies. I will bring these strategies up regularly and it seems to help.

Also there is a class called Social Explores at skills on the hill. Not sure if they have for older teens but just do some research.

PP there are based on the PEERS program