Is there a way for me to fix this?

[Anonymous]

Jesus, you're a mess.

Just tell him that you'd prefer not to have sex with someone who is having sex with others, and see if he's willing to commit to an exclusive relationship--and that if he isn't you're fine with that but that you two need to step back a bit until you're both ready to be exclusive.


It's just not that hard.

[Anonymous]

You have every right to reset the timeline and say “I need to take a step back until we discuss exclusivity and commitment”.
Honor your instincts. Advocate for yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about feelings? Do you have an emotional connection and think he does too? That plus sex can lead to a title and/or commitment. Seems like you are asking a big much of yourself and of him.

We have an emotional connection. We’ve both been vocal that we like one another. I don’t think it’s there yet for a title. So we are in limbo land which I can’t stand. I just think we moved too fast. I should’ve had self control and explained how I like things to evolve.

You’re not really in limbo. You have intimacy that’s physical but not yet emotional. I hear you that it’s new, and it would be new to me too, but that doesn’t make it a problem. Decide what you want now and talk with him about it. If he won’t go exclusive, are you ok to end it? That’s probably your worst case scenario and it’s not that bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why end it?what the hell

Because he is going to want to keep having sex, and I don’t want to have sex outside of a relationship. I guess I could try to play it cool for 6 weeks or something and hope we both reach a place of wanting commitment.

He will frump you way before 6 weeks if you do this. Why not just say I got Carried away but o don’t want to do this unless we are committed.

[Anonymous]

Go out with other men, OP. Don't tell him where you are and what you do. Schedule travels "with mom" or "friends". He will quickly ask for exclusivity men prefer to cut off other men when they sense them

[Anonymous]

Just keep banging him and have fun!!!

[Anonymous]

I get where you're coming from, but it seems so silly to end this before even talking to him. What's the worst that happens? He thinks youre ridiculous and uptight and ends it? Great you are free of him without getting in too deep. Maybe he feels similarly to you. Maybe he's not ready for titles but is ok being exclusive. It just seems silly to end things without talking to him when the worst case scenario is that you guys end things. Which is what you are thinking of doing anyways.

[Anonymous]

OP, I can't imagine having sex without being able to have a conversation first. Was he pressuring you?

Why did you lower that boundary?

Next time you are making out. Tell him you don't feel comfortable having sex outside of a committed relationship. Define what you mean by exclusive and committed. Get on the same page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, you're a mess.

Just tell him that you'd prefer not to have sex with someone who is having sex with others, and see if he's willing to commit to an exclusive relationship--and that if he isn't you're fine with that but that you two need to step back a bit until you're both ready to be exclusive.


It's just not that hard.

+1

I never had an “exclusive’ talk with anyone after college. But after I hooked up with someone I was dating/interested in - I pretty much said - hey, I don’t sleep with people who are sleeping with anyone else, so if we are going to do this again, we’re going to have to be exclusive. True happened maybe 3 times? And in all cases, we ended up being exclusive for anywhere from a few months to 15+ years and counting.

Just use your words.

[Anonymous]

People are saying “committed”- I think you mean “exclusive”- right?

Because how on earth could one “commit” anything to someone they have had three dates with ever

[Anonymous]

You must be really young OP. Why don’t you relax a little and let things evolve as they are meant to be?
If and when you feel comfortable, tell him you donMt want to see anyone else and would prefer for him to do the same.

Personally, I would go on a couple of more dates at least. Also, might be good to increase the number of times you see each other each week.

I don’t recall seeing my boyfriends only once a week when we were first dating. Usually we could not keep apart and would see each other multiple times a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I can't imagine having sex without being able to have a conversation first. Was he pressuring you?

Why did you lower that boundary?

Next time you are making out. Tell him you don't feel comfortable having sex outside of a committed relationship. Define what you mean by exclusive and committed. Get on the same page.

It doesn’t have to be when making out 🙄

[Anonymous]

Heck with the commitment. I want great sex and it takes practice. You can get you commitment alongside the sex.

[Anonymous]

Was the sex good?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You must be really young OP. Why don’t you relax a little and let things evolve as they are meant to be?
If and when you feel comfortable, tell him you donMt want to see anyone else and would prefer for him to do the same.

Personally, I would go on a couple of more dates at least. Also, might be good to increase the number of times you see each other each week.

I don’t recall seeing my boyfriends only once a week when we were first dating. Usually we could not keep apart and would see each other multiple times a week.

Weird. I assumed OP is Middle Aged