SPINOFF: Tell me about successful LTRs after divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on age and gender

Does it? Maybe gender. Maybe women are generally less interested than hookups than are men.

But it seems people of all ages have hoe phases post divorce.

Age and gender definitely matter. Pickings are slim for 55+ divorced women. Men that age—the world is their oyster.

That's kind of a ridiculous statement. Age ratios favor men over 55, but dating is certainly much harder for them than when they were younger. The dating pool is dramatically smaller as you get older for both men and women, and both men and women face partners with "baggage "as they get older – kids, health issues, financial issues, ex spouses etc.

I know several men 55+ who got divorced and they all talked about how difficult dating was as they approached 60, and how hard it was to find someone to have a long-term relationship with. (They're all still single) No comparison to when they were 30, 40....

Men die younger. There’s a glut of old women

[Anonymous]

Every single one of my 50s male friends/colleagues had a new wife within 3 years of their divorce. I would characterize the new wife as on average 10 years younger, and nicer, thinner, and prettier than their ex-wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every single one of my 50s male friends/colleagues had a new wife within 3 years of their divorce. I would characterize the new wife as on average 10 years younger, and nicer, thinner, and prettier than their ex-wife.

Those guys sound great 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every single one of my 50s male friends/colleagues had a new wife within 3 years of their divorce. I would characterize the new wife as on average 10 years younger, and nicer, thinner, and prettier than their ex-wife.

Why weren’t these fortysomething women already married if they were such catches?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every single one of my 50s male friends/colleagues had a new wife within 3 years of their divorce. I would characterize the new wife as on average 10 years younger, and nicer, thinner, and prettier than their ex-wife.

Why weren’t these fortysomething women already married if they were such catches?

Yeah exactly. I do not know many gorgeous women in their late 30s and 40s who want to marry a divorced man with kids in his 50s…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every single one of my 50s male friends/colleagues had a new wife within 3 years of their divorce. I would characterize the new wife as on average 10 years younger, and nicer, thinner, and prettier than their ex-wife.

Why weren’t these fortysomething women already married if they were such catches?

Yeah exactly. I do not know many gorgeous women in their late 30s and 40s who want to marry a divorced man with kids in his 50s…

They probably have baggage- kids and exes and looking for $

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The key to a successful LTR post divorce is not to blend families. I’ve been with my partner for six years. We do not live together and he has met my kids but not involved in their daily lives. Once kids out of house we plan to cohabitate.

Ditto, going on 4 years in LTR after divorce. We both have kids in school, don't plan to live together until they all graduate HS. We sometimes do trips/vacations together but we parent differently and I don't want to add stress/conflict to mine or his kids lives with anymore than life already offers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Late 40s male
Over four years since D
Two kids
I don’t have a 5+year post D LTR but I do have what seems is a healthy LTR

We are not trying to merge our lives. Each have separate lives. Meet up 1-3 times a week. Go on some trips together. But maintain our own separate households. Own friend circles. Own things we like to do and don’t need each other to participate lol.

And very limited familial interactions

Still each others emergency contacts 🖤

I can see this working short term. But I don’t see how it can last long term. One of you is going to want ‘more’ and I’d predict it’s the guy. Perhaps the this is a transition relationship until a better option comes along for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the one who asked about successful second marriages. Seems like at least on DCUM there’s no hope if you have kids or want to live together. But I don’t see how you can have the same sense of commitment without those things. It just wouldn’t feel the same to me in terms of feeling secure, but I do have some anxious attachment.

Living together often kills the romance.

Yep. If I ever find myself single again, I would not cohabitate again. Ideal scenario is living a walkable distance from each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the one who asked about successful second marriages. Seems like at least on DCUM there’s no hope if you have kids or want to live together. But I don’t see how you can have the same sense of commitment without those things. It just wouldn’t feel the same to me in terms of feeling secure, but I do have some anxious attachment.

Living together often kills the romance.

Yep. If I ever find myself single again, I would not cohabitate again. Ideal scenario is living a walkable distance from each other.

Have you experienced this?

[Anonymous]

For those who think waiting till all kids launch is the solution - not so fast.

I don't care how long you wait once you begin to cohabit (eg. behave like a serious, long-term committed couple) there will bound to be problems with kids, even those who are adults.

A parent's "girl/boyfriend" is a much different animal than a live-in partner or 2nd spouse, which means the parent may give spouse priority.

Many kids simply don't want to see someone in that position of priority. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the one who asked about successful second marriages. Seems like at least on DCUM there’s no hope if you have kids or want to live together. But I don’t see how you can have the same sense of commitment without those things. It just wouldn’t feel the same to me in terms of feeling secure, but I do have some anxious attachment.

Living together often kills the romance.

Yep. If I ever find myself single again, I would not cohabitate again. Ideal scenario is living a walkable distance from each other.

Have you experienced this?

I’m in great falls va. I only date women between Tyson’s McLean Reston Herndon Ashburn and do just fine. I did date someone in leesburg and it was ok too. No energy or motivation at this age to drive into the city or ugh cross bridge over to Bethesda even. Ideally i settle into an ice LTR with another great falls lady who lives on acres and hope she has horses too.

[Anonymous]

I’m a female, late 40s

I’m fulfilled and engaged in a career I’m passionate about. I’m financially independent, and in no way reliant on my ex. I have good friends and family and health. I’m in a relationship with myself and I’m really enjoying it! I go where I want, do what I want, and don’t have to compromise or put myself last other than to my kids- which is the kind of sacrifice for a long term investment that I enjoy. They live with me and are heading towards college within 5 years. I’m savoring this time of fullness where I don’t need or want a partner. I’ve been divorced for 5 years now and I have no plans to marry again.

I’ve had relationships that have been exclusive and passionate and fun- but I’m not going to cohabitate or blend families ever so those relationships take a hard second to the kids and to me and my goals. I’m upfront about that with men. I think it’s a great time in my life to fully embrace what I’ve learned through the process and should I choose a relationship in the future great! But for now- coming off a marriage impacted by abuse and addiction- it’s more critical to do the work and enjoy my life before I seek to share it in a meaningful way with another person.

I’m very independent so like many here, don’t plan to cohabitate, though I’d winter on a island or summer on the seine with them for sure in my early 50s when I’ll be an empty nester

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every single one of my 50s male friends/colleagues had a new wife within 3 years of their divorce. I would characterize the new wife as on average 10 years younger, and nicer, thinner, and prettier than their ex-wife.

Why weren’t these fortysomething women already married if they were such catches?

Yeah exactly. I do not know many gorgeous women in their late 30s and 40s who want to marry a divorced man with kids in his 50s…

They probably have baggage- kids and exes and looking for $

I am mid 40s, divorced 4 years and will never remarry. I have my own money. No interest in an older man. When I do date, it is 10-15 years younger. This is pretty common with attractive 40s divorced women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on age and gender

Does it? Maybe gender. Maybe women are generally less interested than hookups than are men.

But it seems people of all ages have hoe phases post divorce.

Age and gender definitely matter. Pickings are slim for 55+ divorced women. Men that age—the world is their oyster.

That's kind of a ridiculous statement. Age ratios favor men over 55, but dating is certainly much harder for them than when they were younger. The dating pool is dramatically smaller as you get older for both men and women, and both men and women face partners with "baggage "as they get older – kids, health issues, financial issues, ex spouses etc.

I know several men 55+ who got divorced and they all talked about how difficult dating was as they approached 60, and how hard it was to find someone to have a long-term relationship with. (They're all still single) No comparison to when they were 30, 40....

Men die younger. There’s a glut of old women

Women don't age healthier either.