SPINOFF: Tell me about successful LTRs after divorce

[Anonymous]

the thread on 2nd marriages isn't getting much traction at all!

so curious to know what your experiences are with successful LONG term relationships (5+years) after a divorce

or is it mostly a series of short / mid term relationships ... (or worse, endless "dating" and hookups) after a first marriage ends in divorce

[Anonymous]

Depends on age and gender

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on age and gender

Does it? Maybe gender. Maybe women are generally less interested than hookups than are men.

But it seems people of all ages have hoe phases post divorce.

[Anonymous]

The key to a successful LTR post divorce is not to blend families. I’ve been with my partner for six years. We do not live together and he has met my kids but not involved in their daily lives. Once kids out of house we plan to cohabitate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on age and gender

Does it? Maybe gender. Maybe women are generally less interested than hookups than are men.

But it seems people of all ages have hoe phases post divorce.

Age and gender definitely matter. Pickings are slim for 55+ divorced women. Men that age—the world is their oyster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on age and gender

Does it? Maybe gender. Maybe women are generally less interested than hookups than are men.

But it seems people of all ages have hoe phases post divorce.

Age and gender definitely matter. Pickings are slim for 55+ divorced women. Men that age—the world is their oyster.

Yes - a divorced 36 year old will have much more luck than a gray divorcee.

[Anonymous]

Late 40s male
Over four years since D
Two kids
I don’t have a 5+year post D LTR but I do have what seems is a healthy LTR

We are not trying to merge our lives. Each have separate lives. Meet up 1-3 times a week. Go on some trips together. But maintain our own separate households. Own friend circles. Own things we like to do and don’t need each other to participate lol.

And very limited familial interactions

Still each others emergency contacts 🖤

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The key to a successful LTR post divorce is not to blend families. I’ve been with my partner for six years. We do not live together and he has met my kids but not involved in their daily lives. Once kids out of house we plan to cohabitate.

I agree, this is me too. His kids have a few years left of high school so there are no plans to cohabitate until everyone has launched. Mine are out of college and living their lives. Together six years, it’ll be nine by the time the last kid heads to college.

We see each other daily or almost daily but we also live less than ten minutes apart. I know his kids well and have basically watched them grow up. I’ve always tried to be a loving, supportive adult but I will never try to parent them, that’s not my job. I think that’s the reason the relationship has worked as long as it has. He’s an amazing guy and I’m so lucky, I feel like I won the lottery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The key to a successful LTR post divorce is not to blend families. I’ve been with my partner for six years. We do not live together and he has met my kids but not involved in their daily lives. Once kids out of house we plan to cohabitate.

I agree, this is me too. His kids have a few years left of high school so there are no plans to cohabitate until everyone has launched. Mine are out of college and living their lives. Together six years, it’ll be nine by the time the last kid heads to college.

We see each other daily or almost daily but we also live less than ten minutes apart. I know his kids well and have basically watched them grow up. I’ve always tried to be a loving, supportive adult but I will never try to parent them, that’s not my job. I think that’s the reason the relationship has worked as long as it has. He’s an amazing guy and I’m so lucky, I feel like I won the lottery.

Can I ask how old you both are? How long have you been together?

[Anonymous]

The LTR post divorce I know about (and they are all in their 80s and 90s--my parents' friend group) is the new wife is generally younger and/or has a lot of money that the new DH wants access to. They all married when the guy was about 65, woman about 45 to 50. I can think of 2 that lasted until the DH died in their 80s and another that only have a 10 year age difference and are still married. I know that they keep their kids mostly separated.

[Anonymous]

I was the one who asked about successful second marriages. Seems like at least on DCUM there’s no hope if you have kids or want to live together. But I don’t see how you can have the same sense of commitment without those things. It just wouldn’t feel the same to me in terms of feeling secure, but I do have some anxious attachment.

[Anonymous]

This is depressing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on age and gender

Does it? Maybe gender. Maybe women are generally less interested than hookups than are men.

But it seems people of all ages have hoe phases post divorce.

Age and gender definitely matter. Pickings are slim for 55+ divorced women. Men that age—the world is their oyster.

That's kind of a ridiculous statement. Age ratios favor men over 55, but dating is certainly much harder for them than when they were younger. The dating pool is dramatically smaller as you get older for both men and women, and both men and women face partners with "baggage "as they get older – kids, health issues, financial issues, ex spouses etc.

I know several men 55+ who got divorced and they all talked about how difficult dating was as they approached 60, and how hard it was to find someone to have a long-term relationship with. (They're all still single) No comparison to when they were 30, 40....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the one who asked about successful second marriages. Seems like at least on DCUM there’s no hope if you have kids or want to live together. But I don’t see how you can have the same sense of commitment without those things. It just wouldn’t feel the same to me in terms of feeling secure, but I do have some anxious attachment.

Living together often kills the romance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The LTR post divorce I know about (and they are all in their 80s and 90s--my parents' friend group) is the new wife is generally younger and/or has a lot of money that the new DH wants access to. They all married when the guy was about 65, woman about 45 to 50. I can think of 2 that lasted until the DH died in their 80s and another that only have a 10 year age difference and are still married. I know that they keep their kids mostly separated.

Nurse with a purse. Exactly. The middle aged ones looking for a guy who don’t have their own purse/$ are the ones that have a very hard time. Most men don’t want to pick up and have to support a middle aged woman with no retirement of her own while they are paying alimony or child support themselves