What are your trips to see the grandparents like?

[Anonymous]

Your visit seems pretty typical for the oldest grandkid and that’s exactly what we experienced for our oldest. It is exhausting chasing a toddler in a house filled with fragile things!

By the time we had 2 kids, we had paved the path for my nieces and nephews. Now 1-2 rooms are fully baby/kid proof. There are a few toys that stay at the grandparents house and can be used by many ages - balls, crayons, simple games like Candyland. Grandparents get books at the library for the kids to read while visiting and some kid friendly food and snacks. It gets easier as they get older and potty trained. Grandparents don’t need a ton of energy to sit on a park bench and watch kids play on a playground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your visit seems pretty typical for the oldest grandkid and that’s exactly what we experienced for our oldest. It is exhausting chasing a toddler in a house filled with fragile things!

By the time we had 2 kids, we had paved the path for my nieces and nephews. Now 1-2 rooms are fully baby/kid proof. There are a few toys that stay at the grandparents house and can be used by many ages - balls, crayons, simple games like Candyland. Grandparents get books at the library for the kids to read while visiting and some kid friendly food and snacks. It gets easier as they get older and potty trained. Grandparents don’t need a ton of energy to sit on a park bench and watch kids play on a playground.

I’ll add that I think these visits are hard for everyone. Retired grandparents are used to having their own schedule and routine - and babies and toddlers are not known for being flexible - so it seems like someone is always having a tantrum.

When my kids were 2-4, the grandparents kept suggesting activities appropriate for a 6-7yr old - sitting in a movie theatre for a full length film, going to performance or amusement park during nap time, etc. Now my kids are that sweet spot of 7-12 yrs old and my in-laws just went on vacation with us - only I think they misjudged their abilities and patience based on 1 day visits.

[Anonymous]

This is why I never stayed at my ILs for more than a 2-3 days, because it was exhausting. NOTHING was babyproofed, I found dry-cleaning pins on the floor where my baby was crawling.

My parents home was safe and clean, so we stayed there more often.

[Anonymous]

My mom still has a lot of energy and she’s very hands on. Trips to see her are more relaxing.

My MIL is more like what you described. We take the kids out more when we’re with them. Sometimes the in-laws will join and leave early, and sometimes we’ll meet them after. They seem happy with this.

[Anonymous]

You need more structure and less time----3 or 4 days, with plans each day that fit your kids' schedules - morning out, naps, dinners, bed, etc. And if the grandparents want to help or watch, build that in as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your experience is exactly like mine was. I always showed up with food and toys and I made plans to take my kids to do things. We would have never even considered staying a week.

This. My parents were worn out by my brother’s kids and by the time I came along with mine it was pretty much as described above. Many grandparents at a certain age have no capacity for extended interactions with toddlers especially much less caring for them by themselves.

[Anonymous]

My SIL broke in her parents with three kids in two years. It was all hands on deck or she didn't travel. But I had to break in my parents and it was harder. They love the kids but needed a lot of updates about safe sleep, car seats, etc. fortunately they were willing to learn. I had a childhood of danger with many wilderness experience and petite carpentry tools of my own, and my kids enjoy the same.

[Anonymous]

Yep that’s pretty much how it goes, unfortunately, unless the grandparents/older relatives are regularly caring for their other sets of grandkids and have already done some baby proofing etc. I can’t visit for a week- I’d go nuts. We end up doing a week between the two sets of grandparents at Christmas and it’s an incredible chore.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the responses. I feel validated reading that other people have had similar experiences. If we do go back at Christmas, I will push for a much shorter trip!

[Anonymous]

Yes this is why we will not stay with my FIL. He doesn't cook or clean, house is full of crap my husband would get roped into dealing with, and there is a pitbull mix dog. Flights are expensive and the drive would be multiple days. Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same. And dh becomes so lazy at his parents house too. It’s very tiring. I have to be a cruise director, take the kids out to playgrounds and run outside with them, and also clean up their stuff. My kids drag toys and games everywhere. They are much cleaner at home.

I too feel lazier at my parents house. It’s like I get home and want to relax, pretend I’m a kid again and my parents take care of me. I can’t explain it.

This. It’s awful. And annoying AF. And they insist that the kids come so they can brag about it on FB then they ignore them. It’s tiring and my husband insists on going for weeks at a time. I also can’t let them go alone because we have 3 kids and the GP don’t help and my husband can’t do it all and work which he has to do on any vacation - a whole additional issue. It’s one of those issues that seemed divorce worthy at certain points. Now, I make all kinds of plans, fill the day, and invite them if they want. If not, up to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We took our two young kids to visit their grandparents for a week. For various reasons, I was under the impression that my in-laws were prepared for us and wanted to do stuff with the kids. The reality was that they had done very little baby-proofing and tired of the children quickly. The trip was exhausting for me because I was doing all the childcare I normally do, but in someone else’s house without the kid resources I normally have available. And yeah, my husband helped, but I think it was different for him because it was his family and his childhood home. Is this pretty much how it goes for everyone when doing these kinds of family trips? What strategies do you have to make these trips more tolerable? There’s talk of us going back around the holidays and I’m dreading it already.

Same experience, it sucks, it is such a slog. To add to the challenge, my inlaws have the emotional maturity of toddlers and actually do things like snatch candy away from their preschool-aged grandchildren and run off to eat it while laughing. They throw temper tantrums when they can't get their way by feeding my children food they are allergic to. Of course they also absolutely refuse to pitch in and help do anything at all. The most babysitting my MIL ever did was sitting by the club's pool with a baby in full view of her adoring public for 20 minutes while her son took a swim. She actually had a little bell she rang when she was done basking in the adoration of her peers, for my DH to get out of the pool and take over caring for the baby. LOOOOOL.

So we put them in time out, in other words we never visit. Both sides are like this, so I guess you could say, we look forward to being the grandparents we never had for our kids when/if they decide to have children.

This is my FIL. I just don't get it at all. He's nearly 70 years old and still acting like a child. It's not cute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same. And dh becomes so lazy at his parents house too. It’s very tiring. I have to be a cruise director, take the kids out to playgrounds and run outside with them, and also clean up their stuff. My kids drag toys and games everywhere. They are much cleaner at home.

I too feel lazier at my parents house. It’s like I get home and want to relax, pretend I’m a kid again and my parents take care of me. I can’t explain it.

Omg I swear every. single. time. we go to my ILs house, my husband eat his mom’s food and takes an hour nap. He does absolutely no childcare, but his childless sister plays for hours with them. We stay for hours and sometimes I know it’s going to be even longer because three hours in he hasn’t napped yet.

[Anonymous]

Omg. I lost it with my ILs a couple of times because when DD was a baby I'd be taking care of her and they'd be watching and telling me what to do. They'd give DD toys but insist we take them home with us instead of keeping some at the house for her. It was horrible.

DD is 5 now and things are so much better. She watches a ton of TV on these trips, but whatever.

[Anonymous]

Yeah when visiting my parents or his it’s pretty much constantly chasing kids around/trying to make sure they don’t break stuff. It’s a lot of work and exhausting. It does go quick, though. Kids are 7, 5, and 3 now and lower risk for accidentally breaking stuff.

What worked for me was taking kids to a park/outdoor activity every day to get out of the house, going to bed early myself so I’m well rested, having DH wake up with the kids so he can handle the early morning chaos. But at some point it was good to recognize that it’s busy and tiring and it is what it is.