Elderly Aunt with memory issues and addressing it with cousins

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It not neglect. He knows. Old people can be stubborn. Who’s to say he hasn’t tried to work on the problem and she refused.

MYOB.

It is neglect. Its the definition.

It's not neglect. They are both adults and there is not a legal obligation to provide support. It could lead to self-neglect but not neglect.

OP here. You're welcome to keep arguing amongst yourselves, but the issue posed by the thread is now resolved. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

OP, the first thing to go is short term memory, as you are seeing. She may have already been to a doctor, but she does not remember. Do not assume the son is neglectful. That said, he could be in denial or your aunt may far more difficult and combative with him and he cannot convince her to go.

When you mention it, I like the idea suggested to assume he already knows and you just want to share what you have seen. He may become defensive or discount what you say, just do your part.

Also, a lot of people don't understand that few parents willingly get evaluated and one symptom can be lack of self-awareness. Also, the screeners stink. If she has passed a screen or won't get one, she gets to be considered competent until proven otherwise. None of us can wave a magic wand and force out parents to get full evaluations or the proper supports in place. It can be a grueling ordeal if parent is difficult. Even if she was delightful for you, she may be totally different for her own children.

Also, be careful if she is trying to offer you an inheritance and that is why she asks about your mom. My cousin is telling my mom sob stories to get an inheritance. Mom blocked me from medical info because I was pushing her to get evaluated for dementia. My sister gets handouts and convinced her to block me. At the same time, if mom gives my cousin an inheritance my sister will take legal action and accuse her of elder-abuse according to my brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely mention it, OP. There are medications now for certain types of dementia.

Doctors who don't keep up with modern breakthroughs may not be aware of this. My husband, a doctor, is less aware than I am about certain medical innovations.

All her children need to be aware of your observations during her stay with you. That's just ethics.

I have told her DD. I have said it is her business not mine, but I felt I should let her know about the memory issues we witnessed while she was here because I was concerned these might leave her vulnerable in other environments.

So. Done.

Thanks everyone for input.

I think this was the right thing to do. You've noted your observations and concerns, didn't offer a diagnosis from you and Dr. Google, and now the ball is in her kids' court.

I just posted, but I see you did inform an adult child. You did your part OP. Just remember it's not clear cut. It's very hard to protect an elder who doesn't want to be protected and it's hard to force a full-blown evaluation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely mention it, OP. There are medications now for certain types of dementia.

Doctors who don't keep up with modern breakthroughs may not be aware of this. My husband, a doctor, is less aware than I am about certain medical innovations.

All her children need to be aware of your observations during her stay with you. That's just ethics.

I have told her DD. I have said it is her business not mine, but I felt I should let her know about the memory issues we witnessed while she was here because I was concerned these might leave her vulnerable in other environments.

So. Done.

Thanks everyone for input.

I think this was the right thing to do. You've noted your observations and concerns, didn't offer a diagnosis from you and Dr. Google, and now the ball is in her kids' court.

I just posted, but I see you did inform an adult child. You did your part OP. Just remember it's not clear cut. It's very hard to protect an elder who doesn't want to be protected and it's hard to force a full-blown evaluation.

I also emailed my male cousin, the doctor, who responded today. He was really grateful, doesn't see her very often while her DD does. He said they will confer and then get her to go for a check up with her PCP and take it from there, monitor etc.

I did laugh at your suggestion she wants to leave me money. She has always been very poor and wanted to know if my mother had left me a lot of money. She didn't. I had to repeat this a few times. Its not important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely mention it, OP. There are medications now for certain types of dementia.

Doctors who don't keep up with modern breakthroughs may not be aware of this. My husband, a doctor, is less aware than I am about certain medical innovations.

All her children need to be aware of your observations during her stay with you. That's just ethics.

I have told her DD. I have said it is her business not mine, but I felt I should let her know about the memory issues we witnessed while she was here because I was concerned these might leave her vulnerable in other environments.

So. Done.

Thanks everyone for input.

I think this was the right thing to do. You've noted your observations and concerns, didn't offer a diagnosis from you and Dr. Google, and now the ball is in her kids' court.

I just posted, but I see you did inform an adult child. You did your part OP. Just remember it's not clear cut. It's very hard to protect an elder who doesn't want to be protected and it's hard to force a full-blown evaluation.

I also emailed my male cousin, the doctor, who responded today. He was really grateful, doesn't see her very often while her DD does. He said they will confer and then get her to go for a check up with her PCP and take it from there, monitor etc.

I did laugh at your suggestion she wants to leave me money. She has always been very poor and wanted to know if my mother had left me a lot of money. She didn't. I had to repeat this a few times. Its not important.

Well done OP! Glad he will use the info. Even doctors can go into denial, so good to hear he was receptive.