Elderly Aunt with memory issues and addressing it with cousins

[Anonymous]

My aunt 78 yrs old visited me for a couple of weeks recently. She travelled alone and did fine but while visiting I noticed a distinct decline in her memory. She would ask me the same question (about my inheritance from my mom) every single day for 3-4 days. She didn't remember anything from one day to the next. I've recently been partially blinded and she forgot this every day and had to be reminded, despite the physical signs being obvious and clear.

Her son my cousin is a hospital doctor. He has got to be aware there is a problem. I asked if she'd seen any doctors about her short term memory problems and she said she had not. I feel like this son is neglecting her. This is not normal, age related memory decline and it will get worse.

My dilemma is whether I should mention this to my cousin. I suspect not as he will already know as he spends time with her. But at the same time I feel like I'd be contributing to her neglect if I say nothing. He and I are not close BTW, we've not seen each other since my dad died in 2017.

Any suggestions? Should I just MMOB?

[Anonymous]

I would phrase it to your cousin as you're probably already aware but I noticed this when your mom came to visit. I wouldn't assume her saying she hasn't seen a doctor about her memory problems is accurate given how bad her memory sounds. Many people in her situation have no awareness or very little awareness of how impaired they are. And it's extremely difficult to talk them into seeing a doctor about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would phrase it to your cousin as you're probably already aware but I noticed this when your mom came to visit. I wouldn't assume her saying she hasn't seen a doctor about her memory problems is accurate given how bad her memory sounds. Many people in her situation have no awareness or very little awareness of how impaired they are. And it's extremely difficult to talk them into seeing a doctor about it.

Thanks. I did wonder about the truth of her answer. She did also mix up some stuff about family members transitioning, when they most definitely are not. So it's really anyone's guess what the truth it.

I will think about it for a while and how to phrase it. Thanks so much for your reply.

[Anonymous]

It not neglect. He knows. Old people can be stubborn. Who’s to say he hasn’t tried to work on the problem and she refused.

MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It not neglect. He knows. Old people can be stubborn. Who’s to say he hasn’t tried to work on the problem and she refused.

MYOB.

It is neglect. Its the definition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It not neglect. He knows. Old people can be stubborn. Who’s to say he hasn’t tried to work on the problem and she refused.

MYOB.

It is neglect. Its the definition.

If she can't remember what she did the day before or that you are obviously partially blind, what makes you think she would remember if he had taken her to the doctor or done anything on her behalf? MYOB

[Anonymous]

I don't think your aunt's statement about not seeing doctors is reliable. You have to ask your cousin. My mom has early alzheimer's and exhibits some of the same symptoms with repeated questions. My mom doesn't remember what doctors she has seen or when. She also is resistant to seeing her neurologist because she doesn't think she has a memory problem. This is a tough situation and I wouldn't be so quick to assume neglect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think your aunt's statement about not seeing doctors is reliable. You have to ask your cousin. My mom has early alzheimer's and exhibits some of the same symptoms with repeated questions. My mom doesn't remember what doctors she has seen or when. She also is resistant to seeing her neurologist because she doesn't think she has a memory problem. This is a tough situation and I wouldn't be so quick to assume neglect.

This is really helpful. Thank you. I'm going to ask my other cousin, her DD because I am less intimidated by her as she is not a doctor.

[Anonymous]

There's now a blood test so she can get on medication

[Anonymous]

Absolutely mention it, OP. There are medications now for certain types of dementia.

Doctors who don't keep up with modern breakthroughs may not be aware of this. My husband, a doctor, is less aware than I am about certain medical innovations.

All her children need to be aware of your observations during her stay with you. That's just ethics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely mention it, OP. There are medications now for certain types of dementia.

Doctors who don't keep up with modern breakthroughs may not be aware of this. My husband, a doctor, is less aware than I am about certain medical innovations.

All her children need to be aware of your observations during her stay with you. That's just ethics.

I have told her DD. I have said it is her business not mine, but I felt I should let her know about the memory issues we witnessed while she was here because I was concerned these might leave her vulnerable in other environments.

So. Done.

Thanks everyone for input.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like normal age related cognitive decline imo. Yes I’d mention it to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like normal age related cognitive decline imo. Yes I’d mention it to him.

No it's not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely mention it, OP. There are medications now for certain types of dementia.

Doctors who don't keep up with modern breakthroughs may not be aware of this. My husband, a doctor, is less aware than I am about certain medical innovations.

All her children need to be aware of your observations during her stay with you. That's just ethics.

I have told her DD. I have said it is her business not mine, but I felt I should let her know about the memory issues we witnessed while she was here because I was concerned these might leave her vulnerable in other environments.

So. Done.

Thanks everyone for input.

I think this was the right thing to do. You've noted your observations and concerns, didn't offer a diagnosis from you and Dr. Google, and now the ball is in her kids' court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It not neglect. He knows. Old people can be stubborn. Who’s to say he hasn’t tried to work on the problem and she refused.

MYOB.

It is neglect. Its the definition.

It's not neglect. They are both adults and there is not a legal obligation to provide support. It could lead to self-neglect but not neglect.