"You're so ugly"

[Anonymous]

It's pleasurable for her to see people bristle. So your reaction was correct - never let her see that she's hurting you. Don't give her what she wants.

And honestly, I wouldn't visit her or contact her at all. Why subject yourself to this? Nasty people don't deserve end-of-life care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He probably said those things to her too and that’s why she is fixated on women’s appearance. Or worse Told her she was pretty as a way to manipulate/abuse her.
Maybe he was joking maybe not but she wants someone to validate her trauma.

I would ask her if he was a difficult dad for her to have and if she felt like talking about it. Or if she’s a difficult person just move on and realize she’s fighting some inner demons.

This was my reaction too.

[Anonymous]

To me, 'you're so ugly jokes" were like "knock knock who's there" jokes or "your momma" jokes. Doesn't anyone remember those? It took some skill to be creative with you're so ugly.

[Anonymous]

My first thought was that her obsession with looks probably stems partly from these types of comments from her dad, which probably was really bad for her self-esteem as a child. Often it can be really hard on someone who is target of an abusive parent to see others remember the parent as fun, silly, and ultimately beloved. I would go with the more generous interpretation that rather than asking you to see yourself through her dad’s eyes, she was asking you to see her dad through her eyes. It wasn’t funny and it wasn’t okay to talk to you that way just as it wasn’t okay that he probably said much worse to her behind closed doors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first thought was that her obsession with looks probably stems partly from these types of comments from her dad, which probably was really bad for her self-esteem as a child. Often it can be really hard on someone who is target of an abusive parent to see others remember the parent as fun, silly, and ultimately beloved. I would go with the more generous interpretation that rather than asking you to see yourself through her dad’s eyes, she was asking you to see her dad through her eyes. It wasn’t funny and it wasn’t okay to talk to you that way just as it wasn’t okay that he probably said much worse to her behind closed doors.

I agree with this; however, auntie has no rights to visit that upon op.

[Anonymous]

It’s because he surely said things like that to her to, and unlike for you (mercifully), for her the comments left deep scars that she does not know how to handle.

[Anonymous]

My aunt does this. She likes to obsess over minute details of our faces, bodies, etc. In 2016 we were discussing Hillary Clinton, and my aunt had to mention that she has thick ankles. She's 79 and still can't fixated on her own weight (and probably doesn't like her own ankles). I know it's because my uncle let it be known that he liked skinny women and my aunt never was one. And I have a feeling my grandmother may have done a number on her as well.

[Anonymous]

My mom does this as well and she's done it her whole life. I wouldn't necessarily blame others (her dad, spouse). My mom always thought of herself as very pretty and I had to hear how ugly I was often in my teens. I suppose this mattered so much to her. I do think your grandpa said stuff like this jokingly as I've never met a man who cared. Maybe he did this to rile up your aunt as he'd certainly know how shallow she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are 54 years old and really care about this? Please get help if it is that serious to you.

I'm 50 and I get triggered by this stuff with older relatives who do this OP. PP, are there certain people you care about doing this or do you have less of a filter and just think this is some passing comment that doesn't mean anything because it's perfectly normal to say stuff like this to others?

[Anonymous]

She cares bcs the trauma she had due to her father telling her she was ugly likely came with bad treatment from him.

Imagine your parents telling you you were ugly when you were a child. Not some relative, but your parent, who puts you down?
It had more to do with her telling you than with you.
The trauma from her childhood is still haunting her.
It's more likely that she could not stop herself from telling you due to her issues than that she wanted to tell you.

[Anonymous]

Why are you visiting this person? If it’s a family get together avoid her and talk to someone else.

[Anonymous]

Her father was mean and he hurt her. She is angry and jealous because it didn't hurt you. She doesn't like to see you happy or confident, because she isn't happy or confident.

Ignore her.

[Anonymous]

Let.It.Go

[Anonymous]

How ugly are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How ugly are you?

Not as ugly as you