Parents blame and are angry at every doctor they ever see

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alot of doctors are genuinely horrible people. I could run your ear off for 2 hours about my third pregnancy. I would not be surprised if doctors dismiss everything because they are old.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your parents are angry, anxious people. But it’s at least equally likely (or maybe a lot more likely) that they have medical complaints and pains and no doctor is helping them or taking them seriously. It’s VERY hard to find a helpful doctor for a chronic condition. Most are awful. Your parents aren’t wrong.

Anonymous wrote:Ageism is rampant in medicine. I agree with pp that it's impossible to get doctors to take anyone seriously who has a chronic condition. 50% of the population goes through menopause, and there is little understanding of how it affects the body. More and more research is coming out. The majority of doctors are mostly oblivious to ongoing research and are blind to their biases. Have some sympathy for your parents.

And so anyone posting this is no longer making appointments with doctors, right? Please tell me this is true.

You know, if the power company people threatened to turn off your power if you didn't kiss their butt enough, everyone would think they are horrible people.

Sorry doc, we as patients are expecting better. Don't like it? Leave. You're not special. Your profession is not special. You are in a service profession, now act like it.

Right. Exactly! And so there is no special obligation to take on new patients or continue a working relationship that isn't working, from either side. It is exactly like going to a mechanic for a car. That also means no extra things, or calling outside oof work hours, no email discussions, nothing like that, but at least it's straightforward. Everyone has a lot more freedom and flexibility that way, just like getting car work done.

And with the influx of NPs and PAs, there will be a lot more provider availability. It's the sensible way for medicine to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents have need to see multiple doctors, but at some point the relationship always goes south. They claim the doctor wants to be rid of them/ is only after their money etc.
My mother has medical anxiety and does go to doctors over and over again so I can see how this is happening. But it's exhausting to hear that yet another doctor 'doesn't know what they are talking about' and 'just wants to get rid of us' and 'is just after the money'.
what is this and any advice?

OP, I'm guessing it's a combination of the medical anxiety, and possibly some age-related mental issues. Maybe denial (of whatever their medical situation is).

While my parents generally get along well with their drs, my Mom in particular (Dad had cognitive decline so wasn't as cognizant) will literally recall the visit differently than it actually occured, which I realized when I started to attend a few visits. Mom was in denial of Dad's situations (parkinsons which progressed to death) and just did not internalize stuff she didn't want to hear. Long story short, OP, if you can attend a few visits with them, you can see how they interact and how the Drs interact with them and where the facts of the situation are.

True, some drs can be dismissive, but at least in my folks' case- it was them.

You should order the patient encounter notes, you might be shocked to find a third version of events exist, one that doesn't match what actually happened.

PP here -I don't think that's necessary in my folks case. I was relating the story because the op's parents reminded me some of mine, except mine were probably less aggressive about it. It would probably be helpful to the op if they go to a few appointments with their parents to get a feel for what's actually going on.

[Anonymous]

Going to the doctor sucks nowadays. Doctors barely listen to you and their staff is horrible to you. All this after you probably waited two months to see them. I’d empathize but insist they keep trying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going to the doctor sucks nowadays. Doctors barely listen to you and their staff is horrible to you. All this after you probably waited two months to see them. I’d empathize but insist they keep trying

This sounds like a great opportunity for you to switch to an NP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going to the doctor sucks nowadays. Doctors barely listen to you and their staff is horrible to you. All this after you probably waited two months to see them. I’d empathize but insist they keep trying

This sounds like a great opportunity for you to switch to an NP!

I love my NP. She diagnosed something numerous A-hole doctors blew off because she LISTENED.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alot of doctors are genuinely horrible people. I could run your ear off for 2 hours about my third pregnancy. I would not be surprised if doctors dismiss everything because they are old.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your parents are angry, anxious people. But it’s at least equally likely (or maybe a lot more likely) that they have medical complaints and pains and no doctor is helping them or taking them seriously. It’s VERY hard to find a helpful doctor for a chronic condition. Most are awful. Your parents aren’t wrong.

Anonymous wrote:Ageism is rampant in medicine. I agree with pp that it's impossible to get doctors to take anyone seriously who has a chronic condition. 50% of the population goes through menopause, and there is little understanding of how it affects the body. More and more research is coming out. The majority of doctors are mostly oblivious to ongoing research and are blind to their biases. Have some sympathy for your parents.

And so anyone posting this is no longer making appointments with doctors, right? Please tell me this is true.

You know, if the power company people threatened to turn off your power if you didn't kiss their butt enough, everyone would think they are horrible people.

Sorry doc, we as patients are expecting better. Don't like it? Leave. You're not special. Your profession is not special. You are in a service profession, now act like it.

No, I'm saying that if all doctors have to offer is horrible and worthless, then please go see NPs and PAs. They have the gatekeeping licenses and can write for your meds, or for consults. I still don't understand --- honestly here -- why you are seeing doctors instead of others.

I'm not going to argue with you. I believe what you say. Why not find an NP? I don't get it.

Unfortunately, NPs don't do laparoscopic C-section isthmocele revisions. If NPs did everything, you better believe I would never show my face to a doctor if I could possibly help it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going to the doctor sucks nowadays. Doctors barely listen to you and their staff is horrible to you. All this after you probably waited two months to see them. I’d empathize but insist they keep trying

This sounds like a great opportunity for you to switch to an NP!

I love my NP. She diagnosed something numerous A-hole doctors blew off because she LISTENED.

EXACTLY. Stay with your NP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alot of doctors are genuinely horrible people. I could run your ear off for 2 hours about my third pregnancy. I would not be surprised if doctors dismiss everything because they are old.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your parents are angry, anxious people. But it’s at least equally likely (or maybe a lot more likely) that they have medical complaints and pains and no doctor is helping them or taking them seriously. It’s VERY hard to find a helpful doctor for a chronic condition. Most are awful. Your parents aren’t wrong.

Anonymous wrote:Ageism is rampant in medicine. I agree with pp that it's impossible to get doctors to take anyone seriously who has a chronic condition. 50% of the population goes through menopause, and there is little understanding of how it affects the body. More and more research is coming out. The majority of doctors are mostly oblivious to ongoing research and are blind to their biases. Have some sympathy for your parents.

And so anyone posting this is no longer making appointments with doctors, right? Please tell me this is true.

You know, if the power company people threatened to turn off your power if you didn't kiss their butt enough, everyone would think they are horrible people.

Sorry doc, we as patients are expecting better. Don't like it? Leave. You're not special. Your profession is not special. You are in a service profession, now act like it.

No, I'm saying that if all doctors have to offer is horrible and worthless, then please go see NPs and PAs. They have the gatekeeping licenses and can write for your meds, or for consults. I still don't understand --- honestly here -- why you are seeing doctors instead of others.

I'm not going to argue with you. I believe what you say. Why not find an NP? I don't get it.

Unfortunately, NPs don't do laparoscopic C-section isthmocele revisions. If NPs did everything, you better believe I would never show my face to a doctor if I could possibly help it.

Sure, but most proceduralists are working with NPs and PAs. You can be lights out for when the doctor does the intervention and schedule all of your follow-up, for the most part, with the PA or NP. Make the right choice. Win-win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alot of doctors are genuinely horrible people. I could run your ear off for 2 hours about my third pregnancy. I would not be surprised if doctors dismiss everything because they are old.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your parents are angry, anxious people. But it’s at least equally likely (or maybe a lot more likely) that they have medical complaints and pains and no doctor is helping them or taking them seriously. It’s VERY hard to find a helpful doctor for a chronic condition. Most are awful. Your parents aren’t wrong.

Anonymous wrote:Ageism is rampant in medicine. I agree with pp that it's impossible to get doctors to take anyone seriously who has a chronic condition. 50% of the population goes through menopause, and there is little understanding of how it affects the body. More and more research is coming out. The majority of doctors are mostly oblivious to ongoing research and are blind to their biases. Have some sympathy for your parents.

And so anyone posting this is no longer making appointments with doctors, right? Please tell me this is true.

You know, if the power company people threatened to turn off your power if you didn't kiss their butt enough, everyone would think they are horrible people.

Sorry doc, we as patients are expecting better. Don't like it? Leave. You're not special. Your profession is not special. You are in a service profession, now act like it.

No, I'm saying that if all doctors have to offer is horrible and worthless, then please go see NPs and PAs. They have the gatekeeping licenses and can write for your meds, or for consults. I still don't understand --- honestly here -- why you are seeing doctors instead of others.

I'm not going to argue with you. I believe what you say. Why not find an NP? I don't get it.

I'm 21:29. It was a NP who missed my mom's cancer. I used "doctor" to mean medical professional. There are good and both of all kinds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alot of doctors are genuinely horrible people. I could run your ear off for 2 hours about my third pregnancy. I would not be surprised if doctors dismiss everything because they are old.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your parents are angry, anxious people. But it’s at least equally likely (or maybe a lot more likely) that they have medical complaints and pains and no doctor is helping them or taking them seriously. It’s VERY hard to find a helpful doctor for a chronic condition. Most are awful. Your parents aren’t wrong.

Anonymous wrote:Ageism is rampant in medicine. I agree with pp that it's impossible to get doctors to take anyone seriously who has a chronic condition. 50% of the population goes through menopause, and there is little understanding of how it affects the body. More and more research is coming out. The majority of doctors are mostly oblivious to ongoing research and are blind to their biases. Have some sympathy for your parents.

And so anyone posting this is no longer making appointments with doctors, right? Please tell me this is true.

You know, if the power company people threatened to turn off your power if you didn't kiss their butt enough, everyone would think they are horrible people.

Sorry doc, we as patients are expecting better. Don't like it? Leave. You're not special. Your profession is not special. You are in a service profession, now act like it.

No, I'm saying that if all doctors have to offer is horrible and worthless, then please go see NPs and PAs. They have the gatekeeping licenses and can write for your meds, or for consults. I still don't understand --- honestly here -- why you are seeing doctors instead of others.

I'm not going to argue with you. I believe what you say. Why not find an NP? I don't get it.

Unfortunately, NPs don't do laparoscopic C-section isthmocele revisions. If NPs did everything, you better believe I would never show my face to a doctor if I could possibly help it.

Sure, but most proceduralists are working with NPs and PAs. You can be lights out for when the doctor does the intervention and schedule all of your follow-up, for the most part, with the PA or NP. Make the right choice. Win-win.

That is problematic because you are playing the telephone tag game, increases the chance of something being missed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alot of doctors are genuinely horrible people. I could run your ear off for 2 hours about my third pregnancy. I would not be surprised if doctors dismiss everything because they are old.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your parents are angry, anxious people. But it’s at least equally likely (or maybe a lot more likely) that they have medical complaints and pains and no doctor is helping them or taking them seriously. It’s VERY hard to find a helpful doctor for a chronic condition. Most are awful. Your parents aren’t wrong.

Anonymous wrote:Ageism is rampant in medicine. I agree with pp that it's impossible to get doctors to take anyone seriously who has a chronic condition. 50% of the population goes through menopause, and there is little understanding of how it affects the body. More and more research is coming out. The majority of doctors are mostly oblivious to ongoing research and are blind to their biases. Have some sympathy for your parents.

And so anyone posting this is no longer making appointments with doctors, right? Please tell me this is true.

People still have to go to doctors because they have the all powerful prescription pad and referral codes.

Having suffered a chronic illness for nearly a decade that multiple doctors failed to diagnose and instead treated me like a hysterical woman (common experience among middle aged women), and having participated in support groups for women suffering chronic illness, I can attest that many such people end up becoming their own doctors by doing the research and demanding testing and treatment and often solving the mystery of their condition with the doctor merely acting to sign the referrals and prescriptions.

I finally found an excellent internist who took me seriously and got me the tests and referrals I needed and sincerely apologized to me once my condition was properly diagnosed and it was clear I had suffered for a decade unnecessarily from a curable condition that multiple doctors failed to diagnose because they kept writing me off as a hysterical middle aged woman, an all too common experience in our medical system.

I’m glad I have this doctor now and we have a relationship of trust and she is helping me to recover my health. But I can’t get back the home and career I lost to medical malpractice.

There IS a big problem with how medicine is being practiced in this country - any sane doctor would agree with that assertion. It’s silly to scoff at stories of people who feel let down by their doctors who only spare them 15-20 minutes per visit if they’re lucky and often fail to do anything beyond pushing more pills for symptom control rather than truly promoting health. In fairness many doctors don’t have the freedom to really care about their patients, they are beholden to a sick medical system that is all about profits and very little about people.

Is your wonderful internist in the DC area? Will you share their name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going to the doctor sucks nowadays. Doctors barely listen to you and their staff is horrible to you. All this after you probably waited two months to see them. I’d empathize but insist they keep trying

This sounds like a great opportunity for you to switch to an NP!

All for NPs but the point is OP’s parents are not wrong.

[Anonymous]

Okay. Then they shouldn't be going to doctors. What's the point of going to doctors anyway, if you can get your prescriptions through someone else?

[Anonymous]

They need a good gerontologist! Our brains work differently at different phases of our life (you can’t talk to a teen like a toddler or talk to a middle aged parent like a twentysomething) and your parents need someone who understands this and genuinely likes working with people in this phase of their life. I’m not saying it’s easy to find, but it’s worth the time to look.

[Anonymous]

I can’t wait for AI to replace human doctors.