Parents blame and are angry at every doctor they ever see

[Anonymous]

My parents have need to see multiple doctors, but at some point the relationship always goes south. They claim the doctor wants to be rid of them/ is only after their money etc.
My mother has medical anxiety and does go to doctors over and over again so I can see how this is happening. But it's exhausting to hear that yet another doctor 'doesn't know what they are talking about' and 'just wants to get rid of us' and 'is just after the money'.
what is this and any advice?

[Anonymous]

Increasing anxiety and aggression, and paranoia, can indicate dementia.

I would wonder if they actually understand what the doctor is saying. If they can't process the advice, of course they don't think it's helpful.

[Anonymous]

I have medical anxiety too. I love my NP. She doesn't act like sunshine comes out her @ss.

Alot of doctors are genuinely horrible people. I could run your ear off for 2 hours about my third pregnancy. I would not be surprised if doctors dismiss everything because they are old.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your parents are angry, anxious people. But it’s at least equally likely (or maybe a lot more likely) that they have medical complaints and pains and no doctor is helping them or taking them seriously. It’s VERY hard to find a helpful doctor for a chronic condition. Most are awful. Your parents aren’t wrong.

[Anonymous]

This is my mother and it gets worse with aging. She has had doctors fire her.

I deal with a lot of doctors because one of my kids has a lot of medical issues and sometimes you do need to shop around for a good one and sometimes a doctor is good for one thing, but not another. It's frustrating and I might vent to my husband, but I move on quickly and almost forget about it completely unless someone asks for a recommendation for a doctor.

That is the difference, my mother cannot let.it.go. and will drive you insane ranting about it. So yes, it is frustrating needing doctors and their are some who stink and there are doctors who just want to bill for useless things that don't help, but I think mental illness, dementia and/or cognitive decline make annoyances catastrophic.

[Anonymous]

Sorry there not their

[Anonymous]

Ageism is rampant in medicine. I agree with pp that it's impossible to get doctors to take anyone seriously who has a chronic condition. 50% of the population goes through menopause, and there is little understanding of how it affects the body. More and more research is coming out. The majority of doctors are mostly oblivious to ongoing research and are blind to their biases. Have some sympathy for your parents.

My mom got the runaround from her obgyn practice for a spot on her vulva. I insisted she see a deramatologist and not stop until she found someone to biopsy it. (The culture came back negative.) Well, it was cancer.

My dad went in for surgery and his wife and I asked the doctors several times about anesthesia and was repeatedly told it was local. We were concerned because he has Alzheimer's. But, lo and behold the anesthesiologist came in and said he was putting him out day of surgery. I was furious and things got tense because if we'd had the information prior, we might have made another decision.

You might help them advocate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Alot of doctors are genuinely horrible people. I could run your ear off for 2 hours about my third pregnancy. I would not be surprised if doctors dismiss everything because they are old.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your parents are angry, anxious people. But it’s at least equally likely (or maybe a lot more likely) that they have medical complaints and pains and no doctor is helping them or taking them seriously. It’s VERY hard to find a helpful doctor for a chronic condition. Most are awful. Your parents aren’t wrong.

Anonymous wrote:Ageism is rampant in medicine. I agree with pp that it's impossible to get doctors to take anyone seriously who has a chronic condition. 50% of the population goes through menopause, and there is little understanding of how it affects the body. More and more research is coming out. The majority of doctors are mostly oblivious to ongoing research and are blind to their biases. Have some sympathy for your parents.

And so anyone posting this is no longer making appointments with doctors, right? Please tell me this is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alot of doctors are genuinely horrible people. I could run your ear off for 2 hours about my third pregnancy. I would not be surprised if doctors dismiss everything because they are old.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your parents are angry, anxious people. But it’s at least equally likely (or maybe a lot more likely) that they have medical complaints and pains and no doctor is helping them or taking them seriously. It’s VERY hard to find a helpful doctor for a chronic condition. Most are awful. Your parents aren’t wrong.

Anonymous wrote:Ageism is rampant in medicine. I agree with pp that it's impossible to get doctors to take anyone seriously who has a chronic condition. 50% of the population goes through menopause, and there is little understanding of how it affects the body. More and more research is coming out. The majority of doctors are mostly oblivious to ongoing research and are blind to their biases. Have some sympathy for your parents.

And so anyone posting this is no longer making appointments with doctors, right? Please tell me this is true.

People still have to go to doctors because they have the all powerful prescription pad and referral codes.

Having suffered a chronic illness for nearly a decade that multiple doctors failed to diagnose and instead treated me like a hysterical woman (common experience among middle aged women), and having participated in support groups for women suffering chronic illness, I can attest that many such people end up becoming their own doctors by doing the research and demanding testing and treatment and often solving the mystery of their condition with the doctor merely acting to sign the referrals and prescriptions.

I finally found an excellent internist who took me seriously and got me the tests and referrals I needed and sincerely apologized to me once my condition was properly diagnosed and it was clear I had suffered for a decade unnecessarily from a curable condition that multiple doctors failed to diagnose because they kept writing me off as a hysterical middle aged woman, an all too common experience in our medical system.

I’m glad I have this doctor now and we have a relationship of trust and she is helping me to recover my health. But I can’t get back the home and career I lost to medical malpractice.

There IS a big problem with how medicine is being practiced in this country - any sane doctor would agree with that assertion. It’s silly to scoff at stories of people who feel let down by their doctors who only spare them 15-20 minutes per visit if they’re lucky and often fail to do anything beyond pushing more pills for symptom control rather than truly promoting health. In fairness many doctors don’t have the freedom to really care about their patients, they are beholden to a sick medical system that is all about profits and very little about people.

[Anonymous]

To the OP, have you ever gone to a doctor’s appointment with your parents? Do they go in with a specific issue or are they all over the place? Sometimes patients go into an appointment with an ailment and then minimize it when speaking to the doctor. Do they write down questions beforehand? The appointment isn’t a social event My dad would talk about the hot weather before talking about himself. If you cannot go with them, ask to be on speaker phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents have need to see multiple doctors, but at some point the relationship always goes south. They claim the doctor wants to be rid of them/ is only after their money etc.
My mother has medical anxiety and does go to doctors over and over again so I can see how this is happening. But it's exhausting to hear that yet another doctor 'doesn't know what they are talking about' and 'just wants to get rid of us' and 'is just after the money'.
what is this and any advice?

OP, I'm guessing it's a combination of the medical anxiety, and possibly some age-related mental issues. Maybe denial (of whatever their medical situation is).

While my parents generally get along well with their drs, my Mom in particular (Dad had cognitive decline so wasn't as cognizant) will literally recall the visit differently than it actually occured, which I realized when I started to attend a few visits. Mom was in denial of Dad's situations (parkinsons which progressed to death) and just did not internalize stuff she didn't want to hear. Long story short, OP, if you can attend a few visits with them, you can see how they interact and how the Drs interact with them and where the facts of the situation are.

True, some drs can be dismissive, but at least in my folks' case- it was them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alot of doctors are genuinely horrible people. I could run your ear off for 2 hours about my third pregnancy. I would not be surprised if doctors dismiss everything because they are old.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your parents are angry, anxious people. But it’s at least equally likely (or maybe a lot more likely) that they have medical complaints and pains and no doctor is helping them or taking them seriously. It’s VERY hard to find a helpful doctor for a chronic condition. Most are awful. Your parents aren’t wrong.

Anonymous wrote:Ageism is rampant in medicine. I agree with pp that it's impossible to get doctors to take anyone seriously who has a chronic condition. 50% of the population goes through menopause, and there is little understanding of how it affects the body. More and more research is coming out. The majority of doctors are mostly oblivious to ongoing research and are blind to their biases. Have some sympathy for your parents.

And so anyone posting this is no longer making appointments with doctors, right? Please tell me this is true.

You know, if the power company people threatened to turn off your power if you didn't kiss their butt enough, everyone would think they are horrible people.

Sorry doc, we as patients are expecting better. Don't like it? Leave. You're not special. Your profession is not special. You are in a service profession, now act like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents have need to see multiple doctors, but at some point the relationship always goes south. They claim the doctor wants to be rid of them/ is only after their money etc.
My mother has medical anxiety and does go to doctors over and over again so I can see how this is happening. But it's exhausting to hear that yet another doctor 'doesn't know what they are talking about' and 'just wants to get rid of us' and 'is just after the money'.
what is this and any advice?

OP, I'm guessing it's a combination of the medical anxiety, and possibly some age-related mental issues. Maybe denial (of whatever their medical situation is).

While my parents generally get along well with their drs, my Mom in particular (Dad had cognitive decline so wasn't as cognizant) will literally recall the visit differently than it actually occured, which I realized when I started to attend a few visits. Mom was in denial of Dad's situations (parkinsons which progressed to death) and just did not internalize stuff she didn't want to hear. Long story short, OP, if you can attend a few visits with them, you can see how they interact and how the Drs interact with them and where the facts of the situation are.

True, some drs can be dismissive, but at least in my folks' case- it was them.

You should order the patient encounter notes, you might be shocked to find a third version of events exist, one that doesn't match what actually happened.

[Anonymous]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3j88NHXUS0

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alot of doctors are genuinely horrible people. I could run your ear off for 2 hours about my third pregnancy. I would not be surprised if doctors dismiss everything because they are old.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your parents are angry, anxious people. But it’s at least equally likely (or maybe a lot more likely) that they have medical complaints and pains and no doctor is helping them or taking them seriously. It’s VERY hard to find a helpful doctor for a chronic condition. Most are awful. Your parents aren’t wrong.

Anonymous wrote:Ageism is rampant in medicine. I agree with pp that it's impossible to get doctors to take anyone seriously who has a chronic condition. 50% of the population goes through menopause, and there is little understanding of how it affects the body. More and more research is coming out. The majority of doctors are mostly oblivious to ongoing research and are blind to their biases. Have some sympathy for your parents.

And so anyone posting this is no longer making appointments with doctors, right? Please tell me this is true.

You know, if the power company people threatened to turn off your power if you didn't kiss their butt enough, everyone would think they are horrible people.

Sorry doc, we as patients are expecting better. Don't like it? Leave. You're not special. Your profession is not special. You are in a service profession, now act like it.

No, I'm saying that if all doctors have to offer is horrible and worthless, then please go see NPs and PAs. They have the gatekeeping licenses and can write for your meds, or for consults. I still don't understand --- honestly here -- why you are seeing doctors instead of others.

I'm not going to argue with you. I believe what you say. Why not find an NP? I don't get it.