Friend has PTSD because of me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have PTSD from obstetric trauma (violence) and hearing about other people's bad experiences helps me, I find reading positive internet reviews of my abusers triggering

It's weird to me your intermediate friend is reporting this to you, is she stirring up drama or is she advising you not to talk about triggering things with your PTSD friend?

I hope you post negative reviews…to help other women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your friend in the middle sounds like the problem.

This. Why would she tell you that?

[Anonymous]

You sound resentful that your friend did not reach out sooner and also that you now feel responsible for her sad feelings after the call. This is not unusual when dealing with a crisis and a sign that you would benefit from professional counseling rather than relying on friends to help you during this journey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your friend does not have PTSD because of you. She has PTSD because of the trauma she went through with her husband. You may have brought some of her PTSD symptoms to the forefront for a time, but you didn't cause the PTSD. Or, since you say that her symptom is sadness, which would be a normal reaction to finding out someone you care about is sick, it may have just brought up her own feelings of grief.

I have the same kind of medical PTSD from my child's illness and death. If I was your friend, I would still want to be there for you. One of the ways I can remember my son and feel like his life had meaning is in using what I learned to help others, even if I feel sad in the process. But that's me, I would suggest you talk to your friend and say "I am sure that Larlo's news brought up some hard memories for you. Would you prefer I sought other support?" Another thing that helps is if people are thoughtful about when they talk to me about it. So, say "I'd love to get your wisdom on something, when can we talk?" so I can say "I'm about to drive the kids somewhere, can I call when I get home?" and not deal with an emotional tsunami right before carpool.

This is such a good and wise response.

OP, I’m sorry for your husband’s diagnosis. And PP, I am so sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

My mom is going through this right now. My dad died about 4 years ago. She has a close friend who she met because my dad and her husband had Parkinsons and met at an activity for it and they all became super close. Her friend's husband died recently. It was definitely triggering for my mom because of how much it reminded her of my dad and her loss. She's more sad right now. She certainly doesn't hold it against her friend and they routinely get together, drink wine, share stories, and cry. It is hard for my mom right now, but they are really glad they have that support within each other.

[Anonymous]

No! Dont discuss it. And she doesnt blame
you, she called you, and no one thinks you did it on purpose. You didnt give it to her you triggered her. She may have known it may happen even as it can sneak up on you even when cognizent, maybe next time say are you ok to talk about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend in the middle sounds like the problem.

This. Why would she tell you that?

meh, probably just chatting. Or more likely so she would know going in next time. Most people over the age of 8 yo would not assume they *caused* the ptsd. My question is why bring it up to the traumatized person? And why mention that it took awhile for her to call prob bc like I said above she was cognizanr it may happen. I often test myself to see if I can stay present and no longer be trriggered