Feeling jealous of empty nesters

[Anonymous]

OP, I sympathize but also think you realize you created a frustratingly vague post referring to your mysterious calling that can not be done until all kids are in college. The reality is that you can (and should) be working to raise increasingly independent children, and once they in high school (even middle school) you should find yourself with increasing amounts of self-directed time. While you may not be able to fully launch into your calling in this period, you could be researching, training, planning, or particularly in a limited or adjacent version of your passion.

[Anonymous]

Wait until you see how great life is for divorced women who are empty nesters. 0 children at home

Heaven.

[Anonymous]

It’s not really empty since my 19 yr old is home for a good 4 months of the year. I got used to having a bathroom to myself and now I’m have to share again.

It’s not like they leave forever.

[Anonymous]

I think some people take it harder, my friend and her DH both work from home, kids are always home on ling weekends and holidays but she is always teary eyed about being alone.

[Anonymous]

*her relations with DH are good

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not really empty since my 19 yr old is home for a good 4 months of the year. I got used to having a bathroom to myself and now I’m have to share again.

It’s not like they leave forever.

That's what fresh empty nesters don't get, kids are home so often, fall break, winter vacation, spring break, summer vacation, long weekends etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of my friends my age are empty nesters or will be in 3-4 years. I really truly love my kids i had my last one late when I was in late thirties and the thought of doing this till my late 50s seems daunting while other friends enjoy freedom to do what they want. Again I love my children and would put their wellbeing and needs above and beyond any of these feelings I have. I was eldest in my family and helped raise my siblings as well. I feel most of my life has been consumed by taking care of children and family.

Please no mean comments that I knew what I was getting into or the choices I made or I am complaining.

I would like to know how other parents who are in similar situation deal with it. I have a strong passion and calling that I would like to pursue but cant until my youngest goes to college and I feel that would be too late and I will not have enough energy by then.I cant disclose more about my calling as it would reveal my identity. But I cant pursue it until I am mostly done with my responsibilities.

Just because children are older doesn’t mean there is an empty nest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to lie -- being an empty nester is great. I'm 52 and have earned this time.

I don't understand the people who say they're "sad." This is exactly what's supposed to happen -- you raise your children right and they go into the world and you get your time back. But it's up to YOU to make that time of it what you will. Pining for your children is just kind of pathetic.

That doesn't help OP, though. I don't know what to tell you, OP, since you don't want to be told you knew what you were getting into. I might have said we envied you when you were still unencumbered in your 30s, but it sounds like maybe you have big age gaps in children.

The one thing I CAN say is don't make your children the center of your life -- that is a HUGE mistake. Make your spousal relationship the center. And make sure the kids know they come second to that. And be sure to nurture your own interests. It's not clear to me why you have to defer your passion until your kid is in college.

What a total nightmare to have a parent like this. Wow.

[Anonymous]

What is the passion? Why can’t you pursue it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to lie -- being an empty nester is great. I'm 52 and have earned this time.

I don't understand the people who say they're "sad." This is exactly what's supposed to happen -- you raise your children right and they go into the world and you get your time back. But it's up to YOU to make that time of it what you will. Pining for your children is just kind of pathetic.

That doesn't help OP, though. I don't know what to tell you, OP, since you don't want to be told you knew what you were getting into. I might have said we envied you when you were still unencumbered in your 30s, but it sounds like maybe you have big age gaps in children.

The one thing I CAN say is don't make your children the center of your life -- that is a HUGE mistake. Make your spousal relationship the center. And make sure the kids know they come second to that. And be sure to nurture your own interests. It's not clear to me why you have to defer your passion until your kid is in college.

What a total nightmare to have a parent like this. Wow.

A parent who is happy, and secure as a person without motherhood being the sole focus? PP sounds healthy.

[Anonymous]

My youngest goes off to college in two years. I cannot wait. We plan on traveling outside of school breaks, like we used to. It was the best. I can't wait.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My passion involves traveling out of country the longer duration the better it is. I don’t want to leave my kids and go as their school, activities, lunch dinner etc all is taken care by me and some of it by my husband. Being immigrant, working mom and no family support here I am unable to volunteer or be super involved in their activities much but I do share a strong bond with each of them. As I am aging I feel there is more to live that gives it true meaning. I feel tied up but I am not bitter.

[Anonymous]

I just got pregnant with a third because I imagined how sad I’d be as an empty nester. My other kids are 2 and 5, so not a huge gap or anything, but i think you’ll be an empty nester before you know it.

I’m the youngest of 4 and being the only child at home for the last few years of high school gave me a lot of quality time with my parents. It was really special. Try to enjoy this time with your youngest! How old is your youngest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to lie -- being an empty nester is great. I'm 52 and have earned this time.

I don't understand the people who say they're "sad." This is exactly what's supposed to happen -- you raise your children right and they go into the world and you get your time back. But it's up to YOU to make that time of it what you will. Pining for your children is just kind of pathetic.

That doesn't help OP, though. I don't know what to tell you, OP, since you don't want to be told you knew what you were getting into. I might have said we envied you when you were still unencumbered in your 30s, but it sounds like maybe you have big age gaps in children.

The one thing I CAN say is don't make your children the center of your life -- that is a HUGE mistake. Make your spousal relationship the center. And make sure the kids know they come second to that. And be sure to nurture your own interests. It's not clear to me why you have to defer your passion until your kid is in college.

What a total nightmare to have a parent like this. Wow.

A parent who is happy, and secure as a person without motherhood being the sole focus? PP sounds healthy.

*Sole* focus? Strawman. I am the breadwinner/have a great career, friends, and interests. My children are my favorite people who bring me such joy.

[Anonymous]

My parents were 40 when they had their “oops” baby, six years after baby #3. They ended up having plenty of new friends 5-10 years younger than them and they enjoyed that. When my brother was 15 or 16 and the only child at home and going to a HS five miles from home they decided to send him to a prep school which he loved and they became empty nesters at age 56 or so. My parents took it all in stride and never expressed any regret at least to me and my siblings.