Would you let your daughter change her name?

[Anonymous]

I gave my kids very conventional first names and quirky middle names on purpose so they could choose how to style themselves.

So far they are going with convention.

[Anonymous]

OP, why are you hesitant?

[Anonymous]

You can't "not allow" it. She will tell people "Oh call me xxxx" and it will happen.

[Anonymous]

Of course! Why not? I would hate having my name butchered all the time too. Not uncommon for immigrants with difficult to pronounce names to adopt nicknames. Her middle name is still her name.

[Anonymous]

Everyone my elderly father knew in his home town through high school call him Sonny, everyone else after that by his completely unrelated normal given name.

[Anonymous]

I use my first and middle name interchangeably. You can tell who knew me when/from where by which name they use. I have a few cousins who do the same thing (ie go by their first name with family, go by their middle name with school friends).

[Anonymous]

Sure. Both names are her name.

[Anonymous]

I did this for a while and then switched back eventually. It is fine and good to allow her to make her own decision about using her middle name.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Mine lobbied for three solid years to change her “non-white” name and I finally gave in. She was and years later still is absolutely delighted.

[Anonymous]

I know lots of people that either go by their middle name or switched middle/first. My grandfather did it to avoid prejudice associated with his very ethnic first name but my grandmother did it more because her middle name (chosen by her aunts) was trendy and her first name was a more traditional family name. It’s still very common.
One of my best friends growing up was Mexican and non Spanish speakers never got the accent right on her name and would just pronounce it with the American pronounciation, so she always went by an abbreviation nickname (just the first syllable of her name).
Anyway, she shouldn’t feel ashamed of her name but lots of kids do lots of different things for different reasons. Sometimes it goes thru phrases. I wouldn’t make this a fight but maybe a variation of her first name might be a good middle ground, or even initials.

[Anonymous]

Her choice. No need to change it legally - that can wait until she’s an adult. Or never if it’s her middle name. I’ve gone by my middle name since I was 17 and never caused more than a small inconvenience.

Having people call me by my first name and then new friends call me by my middle (I transitioned to it when I went to college) was a lot less awkward than you’d think.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I'd be more concerned about the reason she wants to change her name. That needs to be addressed immediately.

[Anonymous]

Legally? No way, white people can easily learn ethnic names. Going by a nickname, sure. But, she should be proud of her name. My kids have ethnic names as do majority of their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I'd be more concerned about the reason she wants to change her name. That needs to be addressed immediately.

I mean it’s an issue but she might just be tired of the first name being a commentary for people. I am the PP who started going by my middle at 17. My first name is kinda gender neutral (but there is a girl and boy spelling) and I hated when people spelled my name the boy way or assumed I was a boy. It just got old and my middle name was not very common (my first was fairly popular in my age range) at the time, and obviously feminine.

I think that teens can be sensitive to lots of identity issues but it might not be that she doesn’t embrace her culture - she may go back to it esp if her first name is more unique.

[Anonymous]

I mean, per original question doesn’t sound like she’s changing her name if there’s anything for you to “allow“ or not. She’s just using a different part of her real name in a social setting. And yes, she 100% gets to decide what people call her. Whether a legal first name, middle name, or anything else she wants.