21 not interested in work or school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello
My 21 year old son has no interest in going to college or getting a job. He takes classes at a community college that I pay for and then fails the classes. I don’t know what to do. He is so lazy and has no interests. Please help .

Is he depressed or ADHD? If so get him help. If not then give him a 90 day notice to improve his grades or find a job and place to live. If he can't do either, he'll have to enroll in electrician or plumbing school.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to join the military. He needs discipline and purpose in life

[Anonymous]

OMG people. It's a troll post. Stop replying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello
My 21 year old son has no interest in going to college or getting a job. He takes classes at a community college that I pay for and then fails the classes. I don’t know what to do. He is so lazy and has no interests. Please help .

Troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did he work hard in K-12? Maybe he's burned out? The burnout can be very real for today's young adults who jumped through all the hoops in high school. They're tired, and the job market actually isn't that great for young people.

+1

[Anonymous]

why is this a troll post? my almost 21 year old daughter is the same way. She got accepted and did one year at respectable school, dropped out, and now works p/t and goes to CC.
She is working p/t and going to school, but our problem is the past year we have seen no growth.. but she is doing the bare minimum of working pt and school pt. We make her do chores around house and cook dinner once a week. She also has ADD and some depression issues, but refuses all of our help. We are prepared to kick her out if we don't see any motivation the next year. And it's too bad. She is cute and sweet but lazy af.

[Anonymous]

Troll.
The reason troll posts work is because the troll hits on topics that others care about. It's kind of cruel but sometimes can get an interesting conversation going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll.
The reason troll posts work is because the troll hits on topics that others care about. It's kind of cruel but sometimes can get an interesting conversation going.

Disagree. Why a troll, Isn't that what people call "failure to launch"?.

Not my story, but my friend's son is just like OP's son. Great kid, but barely finished high school, takes couple of classes at NVCC and has change jobs many times.
My son tells me the kid (young man) is heavy into smoking pot, so OP, this might be your kid's problem too. Pot makes kids seem "lazy", when in reality they are just high all the time.
OP, I hope you are not paying for his phone, car, internet, etc. and if you are then it's time to stop.

[Anonymous]

I actually agree with the pot observation. Have noticed that in our DD who started smoking tons of weed in college and now limps along with minimum wage jobs. My observation from my own college days re the excessive stoners was that pot makes people stupid and lazy. And the pot is both a lot stronger AND socially acceptable now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why is this a troll post? my almost 21 year old daughter is the same way. She got accepted and did one year at respectable school, dropped out, and now works p/t and goes to CC.
She is working p/t and going to school, but our problem is the past year we have seen no growth.. but she is doing the bare minimum of working pt and school pt. We make her do chores around house and cook dinner once a week. She also has ADD and some depression issues, but refuses all of our help. We are prepared to kick her out if we don't see any motivation the next year. And it's too bad. She is cute and sweet but lazy af.

Sock puppet

[Anonymous]

Either depression or ADHD or both. Getting a part-time job really helped my DC focus back on schoolwork. Highly recommend it as a way to get back on track. The ADHD brain can only focus on things that are interesting, so if they find their job interesting they can magically focus. Also ADHD meds are a must for getting schoolwork done if they are diagnosed. Kicking them out tough-love style would be a recipe for disaster in my opinion.

Good luck to you and your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll.
The reason troll posts work is because the troll hits on topics that others care about. It's kind of cruel but sometimes can get an interesting conversation going.

Disagree. Why a troll, Isn't that what people call "failure to launch"?.

Not my story, but my friend's son is just like OP's son. Great kid, but barely finished high school, takes couple of classes at NVCC and has change jobs many times.
My son tells me the kid (young man) is heavy into smoking pot, so OP, this might be your kid's problem too. Pot makes kids seem "lazy", when in reality they are just high all the time.
OP, I hope you are not paying for his phone, car, internet, etc. and if you are then it's time to stop.

Total losers also exist. Case in point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually agree with the pot observation. Have noticed that in our DD who started smoking tons of weed in college and now limps along with minimum wage jobs. My observation from my own college days re the excessive stoners was that pot makes people stupid and lazy. And the pot is both a lot stronger AND socially acceptable now.

Cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually agree with the pot observation. Have noticed that in our DD who started smoking tons of weed in college and now limps along with minimum wage jobs. My observation from my own college days re the excessive stoners was that pot makes people stupid and lazy. And the pot is both a lot stronger AND socially acceptable now.

Glad you dropped the rope and let your kids choose their own values and independence.

[Anonymous]

No strong opinions on whether it’s a troll post or not.

OP, if you’re still checking in and this is a real ask: Set a boundary that works for you. Between your need to be less emotionally involved in your child’s life and your financial goals, what feels like a reasonable timeline for your kid to leave the nest? Communicate that. Say “I need [not want or hope] you to move out by xxx, 202x. Let’s set some goals together to help you be ready to leave.” Perhaps start by having your child use his/her/their wages to pay for phone and car insurance. In the mean time, create a savings account to help your child get ready to pay a rental deposit. Perhaps give a certain percentage matching deposit for what your kid is willing to save.

Keep setting boundaries and holding firm. If you are going to stop paying for the phone by a certain date that you have already communicated, then be willing to cut service and change the WiFi password. This will communicate that you are consistent and that consequences will be real. Set a last date you will pay for classes. Better still, sign a forgivable loan agreement with your child. If they pass the class, tuition is forgiven; if they fail, they pay you back. But also be there to help your kid problem solve. Know that most people facing new boundaries will get angry or sullen. Expect there to be conflict. Be prepared to show firmness and empathy and to help your adult child develop their own problem solving skills.