SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
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Anonymous
| You shouldn’t be drowning when you already have help. What exactly is the problem? How old are the kids? |
Anonymous
| 3 kids, and we have a cleaning person who comes about every 6 weeks. Other than that, our only help is a weekly yard person. I do work very part time now (only during school hours) but that’s a very recently thing. I was a full time SAHP for 9 years. |
Anonymous
| We just started using a cleaning service two times per month (approx. $250). Kids are in kindergarten, preschool (four-year-old goes 3x per week, half days), and home (two-year-old). |
Anonymous
| $0 |
Anonymous
|
There’s no obligation to be drowning just because you’re a SAHM any more than you’re obligated to be drowning if you’re a working mom. Most of us will be very worn down by being with small kids all the time. I want all moms to have the personal time they need/want. Obviously they don’t, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t if you have the means.
People can get almost competitive, especially in DC, about shouldering a heavy load of work (professional and/or domestic) with minimal help and because there’s a lot of…stuff…tied up in the whole idea of being a SAHP, you get a category of people saying “it should be easy!” in a way that’s not really helpful. Many SAHMs are SAHMs because they have to be, and they may be making a big financial sacrifice to do it and that can be a very valid and important reason to minimize expenditures. But that’s not everyone and only you know what your situation and budget are like. The only thing I would say is be careful which friends if any you go to for counsel about this. It can be really prickly. Working moms around you may be talking about their childcare and cleaning help, but maybe sit that convo out. It’s complicated. |
Anonymous
|
PP with one more thought on this. If you’re going to “employ” yourself as a SAHP, you should think through the metrics you care about.
Labor cost/hour for your family might be really important! If it is, managing childcare and housework by yourself could be a very valid and worthwhile strategy. But it also might not be important to your family, and if it’s not, you don’t get any points for doing it. If you’re trying to maximize other things, and hiring help gets you there, it would be a mistake not to do it because it feels indulgent. If it’s in budget, hiring might be a really good strategy. You shouldn’t close that off just because it feels “indulgent.” |
Anonymous
| When my kids were younger, I had a weekly house cleaner and a part time sitter who worked with about 12 hours a week. |
Anonymous
|
Biweekly cleaners but we would have them even if we didn’t have kids. Other than that zero.
I did hire temporary help soon after I had #3. I was finding it impossible to get laundry done and I hired a babysitter for a few hours a week to watch the kids while I did laundry. Maybe for a month or two. |
Anonymous
Or make up a better story |
Anonymous
| Before my kids went to full day school, I only had e/o week housecleaners. When each child turned 2.5 they went to church preschool 2-3 mornings a week, 9a-12p. When they were 4, they went 4 mornings a week. No other help. As long as someone was cleaning my house e/o week, I was able to manage the rest. Once the last went to full day school, we stopped the cleaners and I do that myself now. |
Anonymous
| OP, spend what you can afford to to preserve your sanity (this will also help your marriage, which reduces the likelihood of divorce, which is financially crushing). There's no reason to be a mommy martyr. |
Anonymous
What does this even mean. It’s possible to care for children without outside help without being a martyr. |
Anonymous
Not for everyone it isn’t. Depends on your kids. For me, it’s impossible. My child has never slept through the night and is high needs so I’ve been a zombie for years. When I tried doing it all on no sleep I developed high blood pressure and high cholesterol. |
Anonymous
| I don't remember but lady! Do what you need to do to maintain your mental health! Don't worry about what others are doing. You're "drowning" and it's not a luxury to not "drown." And remember, there are no gold stars for mommy martyrdom. |
Anonymous
You have biweekly cleaners and you still can't keep your house picked u,p. You and I have two children and one is an infant whose only messes are made by you. This is how we common people keep our houses picked up and worthy for unexpected royal/presidential visits: 1. Every day when older child/children is/are finished playing with you/toys, we have trained them to put toys in large plastic laundry basket used to store toys. Toys are only allowed in large basement/recreation room. 2. Every evening kitchen is left cleaned, this takes no more than 30 minutes. All community rooms are picked up and this takes all of ten minutes. 3. Quilts or comforters on beds and easy to make beds in morning. 4. Bathroom etiquette is taught from early age and no clothes, towels, shoes are left on floor. There are laundry baskets in bathrooms and bedrooms and even very young children can be taught to put them dirty clothes in hamper. The key is organization and desire to have a clean and picked up house and plain old common sense. |