Parental perspective on dating, relationships and marriages

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s still a hella lot easier to raise kids with a functional partner than as a solo parent.

Ranking:
2 functional parents
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1 solo functional parent
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1 functional and 1 dysfunctional coparent or parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmm. We're a nerdy, STEM, couple, and one of us is on the spectrum. Yet we've somehow made it to 20 years of marriage, and not dating much (if at all) before that.

I expect my nerdy, STEM kids, one of whom is also on the spectrum, to behave in a similar fashion.

The "norm" of dating many people, partying and hanging out doesn't come naturally to some of us, yet we can still meet each other, stay married and have kids.

That’s dandy but we’re more concerned with partner’s ability to pick up after themselves, hold a conversation, plan a sensible weekend or trip, not meltdown or lash out, and parent, teach, and coach the kids for 18+ years.

And many people, NT and ND, stem or lib arts, did not “party” and drink their way through college.

[Anonymous]

People have more options.

That’s a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have more options.

That’s a good thing.

That's supposed to be helpful but end results aren't in line with it. Majority still picks wrong people, just not at 22 but at 38. Ability to swipe 100's on apps and break up several multi year relationships because people are marrying late, often way past biological window, seemingly not helping much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So end of human species? Kidding. Women do get the short end of the stick. Anyone who can take care of home, kids, emotional labor and social life, can earn good money anywhere instead of unappreciated and unpaid labor at home. They can build careers and enjoy lives instead. If society needs future workers, they better pay women for having, birthing and raising them or provide free childcare and housecare.

I think a better idea would be if women only have as many kids as they can emotionally and financially afford and only do it with men who are equally capable of doing their share. If families were limited to this the human species would continue but many social problems would disappear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So end of human species? Kidding. Women do get the short end of the stick. Anyone who can take care of home, kids, emotional labor and social life, can earn good money anywhere instead of unappreciated and unpaid labor at home. They can build careers and enjoy lives instead. If society needs future workers, they better pay women for having, birthing and raising them or provide free childcare and housecare.

I think a better idea would be if women only have as many kids as they can emotionally and financially afford and only do it with men who are equally capable of doing their share. If families were limited to this the human species would continue but many social problems would disappear.

Have you seen the movie Idiocracy? It's not going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In your opinion why dating has become so hard for younger generations, relationships complicated and marriage a rare occurrence often ending in divorce? People seem to date a lot, have several relationships and not marry until mid to late 30's, yet end up with people they don't really know and can build a harmonious life with?

No controls anymore. Birth control prevents unwanted pregnancy. Electronics give access to idealized traits and wants in people. STDs are the only prohibitive reason left to not be promiscuous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmm. We're a nerdy, STEM, couple, and one of us is on the spectrum. Yet we've somehow made it to 20 years of marriage, and not dating much (if at all) before that.

I expect my nerdy, STEM kids, one of whom is also on the spectrum, to behave in a similar fashion.

The "norm" of dating many people, partying and hanging out doesn't come naturally to some of us, yet we can still meet each other, stay married and have kids.

You do know there is a large cohort of spectrum people who have sex addictions right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So end of human species? Kidding. Women do get the short end of the stick. Anyone who can take care of home, kids, emotional labor and social life, can earn good money anywhere instead of unappreciated and unpaid labor at home. They can build careers and enjoy lives instead. If society needs future workers, they better pay women for having, birthing and raising them or provide free childcare and housecare.

I think a better idea would be if women only have as many kids as they can emotionally and financially afford and only do it with men who are equally capable of doing their share. If families were limited to this the human species would continue but many social problems would disappear.

Obviously but unlikely. Less sense, less resources and less stability often means more children.

[Anonymous]

I think the internet and cell phones is the cause.

In college I lived at home and went to a commuter school.

To meet a girl I physically had to in person introduce myself, ask them to dance, buy them drink and then get their phone number.

But they also lived at home so it was the house phone number which mom or dad would answer. I had to call that number to speak with the girl.

Then a first date has to drive girls house ring doorbell, Dad would answer, give me once over and I made small talk mom and dad will girl came out.

I did this maybe 40-60 times between 18-28.

And several of my girlfriends lived at home. I knew mom and dad, brothers and sisters, went to parties there.

Today it is replaced tinder app meet for coffee and if lucky random sex. And quality of dates way less.

My day even if I met a girl in a bar, I talked to her, danced with her, bought her drinks was kinda a mini date before the date. And before date in phone I would learn more, often 2-3 phone calls pre date. And also I dated mainly girls who were “marriage material”

Why had to pass Dad test? They ask where you go to a school, where do you work, look out at your car, where do you live. What do your parents do.

I recall when I was older like 31 I took a girl on a date who was 29 who moved back home as between apartments. Dad must of had a few drinks. He answered door goes to me what school did you go to and where do you work, I said I have an MBA in Finance and work on Wall Street, he goes that’s a nice car, I go thanks it is a Mercedes, he asked where I live I say around 5 miles away I own a coop and live by myself. All rapid fire. Girl comes down.

He says I prescreened this guy, got an MBA, Mercedes and owns a coop nearby you can move into. If you want to get married right now I will drive you to the church. He was joking (but was he?)

Kids today never get this interaction and they are a bit clueless. I highly doubt anyone born after 1985 would ever meet 40-60 sets of parents of girls they are dating or just in a date.

[Anonymous]

People are always thinking of grass is greener with next partner so constant substitution and upgrade mode like with phones.

[Anonymous]

It is porn addiction for boys. At least that is what I am hearing from my dd and her friends who are late 20, professional, live in NYC/London/Paris etc.

[Anonymous]

I might get flamed for this but I actually wouldn’t be upset if my kids (currently early teens) decided not to get married and/or decided not to have children. I’m in a happy marriage and I love my kids and my family life. I would love for them to feel this type of love and warmth. But the world has gotten really weird in the last 15-20 years, and it really ramped up in the last 5. The porn addictions, social media addiction, all the mental illness, loneliness, lack of community or other supports, lack of financial stability. I would be scared for those future grandkids

[Anonymous]

In my family people meet young, marry young, stay married. We're not religious at all, and have advanced degrees. It just so happens we all met our spouses in college. I hope the same for my kids. I have seen friends date so many duds, still struggle in their 30s, some not get married despite wanting that and kids...It seems like a much rougher scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s still a hella lot easier to raise kids with a functional partner than as a solo parent.

I know so many women who have family help and left the man completely out including not putting them on birth certificate. I have three relatives who would babysit at all times as they all work from home. I don't need a man. So many people don't have their own kids, but have the time and want to step in and help.