Adults who were third culture kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lived in 3 countries before coming to the US as a young adult.

My husband comes from another culture than mine.

Between us there are multiple ethnicities, languages, religions, cuisines, etc.

Kids are American.

As others have said, it's easier to empathize and connect with people who are different. I am very adaptable.

Home is where my children are. When I was a kid, it was: home is where my parents are.
You cannot have a strong geographic belonging when you're an international person. The belonging is familial.

Wow so insightful. It’s true, my home is in my husband and our children.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 3rd culture kid who had an American and a European parent. I lived in 8 countries before moving to the US for college.

Major Advantage - Experiencing a wide range of cultures

Disadvantage - Feeling like you don't belong anywhere

That's it in a nutshell.

This sums it up. Im an immigrant and came at 11 so it was a big shift but I'm still bilingual, bi cultural. Teaching my kids my native language. Dh is american but he's embraced it all and had been absorbed into my family and culture

Immigrant does not necessarily equal third-culture kid. You need to have lived in another culture during your formative childhood years that is not your parents and is not your current nationality or passport. My younger sibling claims to be a TCK and I just roll my eyes at her. To her it's a cool identity to have.

[Anonymous]

My partner is a third culture kid. Traits I see are that he is very adaptable to change. Flaws are that he has floated from thing to thing and place to place and never put down roots. He's mid 40s now and wants to put roots down but in some ways he's immature.

[Anonymous]

I am an American who lived in both Asia and Europe during my formative years. Other posters nailed it. I am very adaptable to change, I love meeting people with different backgrounds, and I can make friends anywhere. I find that I gravitate to people who have lived overseas or who have had experiences like mine. I would say that the cons are not growing up in one place and having lifelong friends. My children are also third future kids. They are American and we spent most of their formative years living in Europe where they attended an International school. We pursued the opportunity to live overseas because I loved my childhood and wanted my kids to have the same chance to grow up in another country, to befriend kids with different cultures, to learn another language, I.e. One of my kids (who made his best friends overseas) is not interested in studying abroad or moving back overseas at this point in his life. My other child, can’t wait to move back to Europe in college or upon working after school. In my case, I never felt a disconnect to “home” and my kids have said that they didn’t feel one either. Home was always where the family was!

[Anonymous]

XDH was a foreign service brat who grew up in several countries. It was great in terms of exposure to other cultures and learning foreign languages.

The one big drawback is that he and his sister are so used to moving that they think any personal or professional problem (and he had a lot of professional problems) can be solved by relocating every few years. As a therapist told him, you need to find a way to be happy where you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lived in 3 countries before coming to the US as a young adult.

My husband comes from another culture than mine.

Between us there are multiple ethnicities, languages, religions, cuisines, etc.

Kids are American.

As others have said, it's easier to empathize and connect with people who are different. I am very adaptable.

Home is where my children are. When I was a kid, it was: home is where my parents are.
You cannot have a strong geographic belonging when you're an international person. The belonging is familial.

This. If you are together then that’s your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an American who lived in both Asia and Europe during my formative years. Other posters nailed it. I am very adaptable to change, I love meeting people with different backgrounds, and I can make friends anywhere. I find that I gravitate to people who have lived overseas or who have had experiences like mine. I would say that the cons are not growing up in one place and having lifelong friends. My children are also third future kids. They are American and we spent most of their formative years living in Europe where they attended an International school. We pursued the opportunity to live overseas because I loved my childhood and wanted my kids to have the same chance to grow up in another country, to befriend kids with different cultures, to learn another language, I.e. One of my kids (who made his best friends overseas) is not interested in studying abroad or moving back overseas at this point in his life. My other child, can’t wait to move back to Europe in college or upon working after school. In my case, I never felt a disconnect to “home” and my kids have said that they didn’t feel one either. Home was always where the family was!

How were you able to live abroad?

[Anonymous]

As a child, my father’s job took us to other countries. As an adult, my husband’s company had an opportunity overseas and we jumped at it. It both cases, the opportunities were available because of the companies worked for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 3rd culture kid who had an American and a European parent. I lived in 8 countries before moving to the US for college.

Major Advantage - Experiencing a wide range of cultures

Disadvantage - Feeling like you don't belong anywhere

That's it in a nutshell.

Agree with the advantage and disadvantage, but in my case, the disadvantage was made more pronounced by being biracial. I REALLY don’t belong anywhere. Too white for one country, too brown for the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:XDH was a foreign service brat who grew up in several countries. It was great in terms of exposure to other cultures and learning foreign languages.

The one big drawback is that he and his sister are so used to moving that they think any personal or professional problem (and he had a lot of professional problems) can be solved by relocating every few years. As a therapist told him, you need to find a way to be happy where you are.

This is fascinating to me. I grew up in the exact opposite environment, an isolated community and there was no way to escape. Even my first summer jobs in high school, you were physically committed for 2-3 months, there was no physical way to get out short of a medical emergency requiring medevac heroics. "Walking away" just wasn't an option. As a result, I think I've put up with a lot more than I probably should have - my default is to just bear through it, expecting things will turn out OK one way or another. I've held onto many jobs that others have walked away from. I'm in my mid forties and still working for the same company I started with out of college, and my one sibling is also working for the same company since college. And things have generally worked out - I'm happy in my job now - but I can't help wondering if I'd be better off if I'd made a move at some point in the last 20+ years?

But I've also known and worked with people like your DH - they are going to be unhappy wherever they are. Count on 2-3 years at any job, max, and then they'll move on, saying how horrible that company or situation was. It's always the company's fault, never theirs.

There has to be a happy medium. I don't think my way is 100% healthy, nor is your DH's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lived in 3 countries before coming to the US as a young adult.

My husband comes from another culture than mine.

Between us there are multiple ethnicities, languages, religions, cuisines, etc.

Kids are American.

As others have said, it's easier to empathize and connect with people who are different. I am very adaptable.

Home is where my children are. When I was a kid, it was: home is where my parents are.
You cannot have a strong geographic belonging when you're an international person. The belonging is familial.

Home is where your parents are ... where is home once parents die? ... home is where your children are ... where is home if children move away for work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lived in 3 countries before coming to the US as a young adult.

My husband comes from another culture than mine.

Between us there are multiple ethnicities, languages, religions, cuisines, etc.

Kids are American.

As others have said, it's easier to empathize and connect with people who are different. I am very adaptable.

Home is where my children are. When I was a kid, it was: home is where my parents are.
You cannot have a strong geographic belonging when you're an international person. The belonging is familial.

Home is where your parents are ... where is home once parents die? ... home is where your children are ... where is home if children move away for work?

Good question.

[Anonymous]

Lived in 3 different countries and exactly what the others have said - feel like I don't belong anywhere. I think the meaning of life is to live and die within 10 miles of where you were born but it takes leaving home and never being able to go back to see that. Not belonging used to get me down but I embrace it now - it is liberating to not belong, to not be beholden to anyone, to just go where I want.

The big advantage is being worldly and to have travelled and experienced a lot.

[Anonymous]

One of the main benefits for me is knowing how so many statements that people here make about how things are or should be are simply not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lived in 3 different countries and exactly what the others have said - feel like I don't belong anywhere. I think the meaning of life is to live and die within 10 miles of where you were born but it takes leaving home and never being able to go back to see that. Not belonging used to get me down but I embrace it now - it is liberating to not belong, to not be beholden to anyone, to just go where I want.

The big advantage is being worldly and to have travelled and experienced a lot.

What do you mean by this?