Uncomfortable hearing about pregnancy at 4 weeks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is her news and it's up to her to decide when to tell. There's no reason it should make you uncomfortable, and you are free to keep your own pregnancy quiet as long as you want. Frankly it sounds like you are being judgmental about something that has nothing to do with you.

I am terrible at keeping secrets and that included my pregnancy. I didn't find out myself until 7 weeks (surprise!) and I told immediate family right away. At my 8-week ultrasound we heard the heartbeat and the OB said that at that point the risk of miscarriage was less than 5 percent. I was miserable and sick and happy and excited and totally preoccupied, and I'm a terrible actress, so anyone who knew me well could tell that something was up. It was much easier to just tell people what was going on rather than hide it. If I had lost the baby, that is something I would have shared with my close friends no matter what, and I'm sure my work would have found out too. So for me there was just no reason to wait. I wasn't particularly worried about making someone else "uncomfortable" as it had nothing to do with them.

I'm glad my friends are more supportive than OP and I hope I wasn't judged behind my back for the personal decision to share.

I agree with this. It's each individual's own personal decision when to tell. There is no "too early" or "too late". I agree that it sounds like OP is being judgmental about something that has nothing to do with her. Who cares when someone tells.

You tell when you're ready and let others tell when they are ready. There is nothing for the OP to be uncomfortable about. It's not about the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is her news and it's up to her to decide when to tell. There's no reason it should make you uncomfortable, and you are free to keep your own pregnancy quiet as long as you want. Frankly it sounds like you are being judgmental about something that has nothing to do with you.

I am terrible at keeping secrets and that included my pregnancy. I didn't find out myself until 7 weeks (surprise!) and I told immediate family right away. At my 8-week ultrasound we heard the heartbeat and the OB said that at that point the risk of miscarriage was less than 5 percent. I was miserable and sick and happy and excited and totally preoccupied, and I'm a terrible actress, so anyone who knew me well could tell that something was up. It was much easier to just tell people what was going on rather than hide it. If I had lost the baby, that is something I would have shared with my close friends no matter what, and I'm sure my work would have found out too. So for me there was just no reason to wait. I wasn't particularly worried about making someone else "uncomfortable" as it had nothing to do with them.

I'm glad my friends are more supportive than OP and I hope I wasn't judged behind my back for the personal decision to share.

exactly this.

OP, it's not your business to tell someone to keep their good news to themselves. people will do what they want and it doesn't harm you or even affect you in any real way. deal with it.

[Anonymous]

As someone who had an early miscarriage (11 weeks), there are pros and cons of telling and not telling that early.

We lost our first pregnancy. I had just seen my doctor at 10 weeks, thought everything was going well, and we told our families. A week later I lost the baby. It was nice to have the support of our families, but we hadn't told any friends/colleagues and it was very hard to deal with the emotional strain (devastation, really) when others close to us did not know. My co-workers had no idea and when I returned to work they thought I'd just been ill (had been hospitalized for D&C out of state). My friends had no idea and many were also pregnant, having baby showers, etc. and I had to skip some of those for a while.

Everyone has their own thoughts on this and while I would probably never tell someone that early on, it's her choice to do whatever she's comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

I don't think OP's situation is that strange. If the person wants to tell you, fine.

I will add a caveat that I had a friend tell me she was pg before she even told her husband - 10 minutes after she took the test. She was the first of ANYONE I knew to conceive which probably added to the weirdness of the situation for us - and she swore me to secrecy that I would not let on to her DH that I knew. We lived a few blocks away, our DH's were close friends, and we saw them on a weekly basis at least. It was so awkward. They were talking about moving, buying a house, etc and we just had to play dumb and act like we believed it when they lied to us about why they were buying a house and moving. VERY awkward three months until they "announced" it to us at dinner, which was also really awkward!!!

[Anonymous]

What's done is done. Just be polite and/or supportive and keep it to yourself.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's a big deal. A lot of people get pregnant and stay pregnant. Over the years I've had two coworkers struggling with fertility finally get pregnant and tell people at work right away because they were so excited, they just couldn't hold it in (luckily it worked out well for both of them, and both happened to have AWFUL morning sickness and spent quite a lot of time throwing up in the bathroom so we all would have known anyway).

I waited until the first 8 week ultrasound to tell our parents and siblings, and then we waited until 16 weeks to tell co-workers and friends. Even then I wanted to wait (waited until 20 weeks to tell people on email I don't see often). But not everyone is as risk averse as me, and like others have mentioned, some people may want to talk about the miscarriage if it happens.

[Anonymous]

I would also be uncomfortable. It's one thing to say "hooray, congratulations" to a near-stranger, it's another to share their grief if it doesn't work out.

Someone told me something like, if you wouldn't be comfortable discussing your miscarriage with a person, don't tell them about your early pregnancy. And that was good advice. It kept me from blurting the news to my boss and anyone but my closest friends at the office. Once we had a sono at 10 weeks and saw the heart, then I spread the news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It makes me feel very uncomfortable, especially when I don't know the person well. I think it shows poor judgment--sharing uncertain, very personal news. I agree that people who do this probably feel ok sharing any bad news, too, and find it important to share the joy of good news and needs the support in a bad news situation.

My SIL announced right after her first pregnancy test, very early. When she miscarried by 7 weeks she then had to notify everyone or expect people to notify each other. She went to a party when she would have been 12-16 weeks and someone who didn't know about the miscarriage exclaimed in front of everyone "there's the pregnant lady, how are you feeling" kind of thing.

For her second pregnancy (DC is now 6 months old), she announced when she was 13 weeks.

You sound really spiteful....as if your SIL deserved to miscarry for announcing too early. And when she kept the news to herself, like a good girl should...

No you are missing the point. The point of the anecdote is that noone who has lost a baby would ever announce a pregnancy early again. She is talking about how awful that party was for her SIL and how much she didn't want to go thru that twice.

I get what PPs are saying about wanting support if there is a miscarriage, but I don't think they realize how awful it is to have to tell everyone about it and talk about it all the time. The talking about it is harder than the miscarriage because at least the miscariage is over, but you never know when someone will bring it up and you will be blindsided by grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's done is done. Just be polite and/or supportive and keep it to yourself.

OP here. Yep, the above is basically where my mind is at with the whole thing.

To a PP who accused another poster of being spiteful of her SIL who had a miscarriage after telling early and then delivered a healthy baby after waiting- you are freakin' ridiculous. I can't imagine ANYONE wishing bad things upon a pregnancy based on when someone shares. A healthy baby is what all of us wish for each other! Some of us are just uncomfortable when pregnancy news is shared so early...and when it's beyond the circle of family/close friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound really spiteful....as if your SIL deserved to miscarry for announcing too early. And when she kept the news to herself, like a good girl should...
No you are missing the point. The point of the anecdote is that noone who has lost a baby would ever announce a pregnancy early again. She is talking about how awful that party was for her SIL and how much she didn't want to go thru that twice.

I get what PPs are saying about wanting support if there is a miscarriage, but I don't think they realize how awful it is to have to tell everyone about it and talk about it all the time. The talking about it is harder than the miscarriage because at least the miscariage is over, but you never know when someone will bring it up and you will be blindsided by grief.

How do you know? I agree with the poster who thought the spiteful PP sounded overjoyed that her SIL had miscarried. A friend of mine (but not best friend) told me early on she was pregnant. She lost the baby early on. They tried again and she told us again. She lost the baby again, this time at 16 weeks. She delivered the third baby (stillborn) at 21 weeks; they got to name and hold the child. They are open about trying again, though they have told us that they're taking the time to recover, as the last loss was obviously terribly hard on them. I would be surprised if they did not share their news with us if they get pregnant again (and we are praying for them). I know another friend who had a miscarriage (and had told people) and then went on to tell early again (this time for a successful pregnancy). I personally did not tell anyone that I was pregnant except for very close family and my best friend, and was upset when my mother told extended family before we had agreed it was okay to do so (not her news). So while I understand why some folks prefer privacy, I can also see the benefit and even beauty of having every person you know silently cheering you on, praying for you, caring about you, and just generally being involved in your life's happy (and sad) moments. I guess every person you know except those like OP and her friends on this thread who are silently judging you for oversharing. Sheesh. Talk about taking an opportunity to be a good person and being a shithead, instead!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really spiteful....as if your SIL deserved to miscarry for announcing too early. And when she kept the news to herself, like a good girl should...
No you are missing the point. The point of the anecdote is that noone who has lost a baby would ever announce a pregnancy early again. She is talking about how awful that party was for her SIL and how much she didn't want to go thru that twice.

I get what PPs are saying about wanting support if there is a miscarriage, but I don't think they realize how awful it is to have to tell everyone about it and talk about it all the time. The talking about it is harder than the miscarriage because at least the miscariage is over, but you never know when someone will bring it up and you will be blindsided by grief.

How do you know? I agree with the poster who thought the spiteful PP sounded overjoyed that her SIL had miscarried. A friend of mine (but not best friend) told me early on she was pregnant. She lost the baby early on. They tried again and she told us again. She lost the baby again, this time at 16 weeks. She delivered the third baby (stillborn) at 21 weeks; they got to name and hold the child. They are open about trying again, though they have told us that they're taking the time to recover, as the last loss was obviously terribly hard on them. I would be surprised if they did not share their news with us if they get pregnant again (and we are praying for them). I know another friend who had a miscarriage (and had told people) and then went on to tell early again (this time for a successful pregnancy). I personally did not tell anyone that I was pregnant except for very close family and my best friend, and was upset when my mother told extended family before we had agreed it was okay to do so (not her news). So while I understand why some folks prefer privacy, I can also see the benefit and even beauty of having every person you know silently cheering you on, praying for you, caring about you, and just generally being involved in your life's happy (and sad) moments. I guess every person you know except those like OP and her friends on this thread who are silently judging you for oversharing. Sheesh. Talk about taking an opportunity to be a good person and being a shithead, instead!

That would be bc of my two m/c, at 7 and 21 wks, I'm guessing I know better than you, even though some of your best friends have had m/c that doesn't mean you have a f*cking clue.

[Anonymous]

"The point of the anecdote is that noone who has lost a baby would ever announce a pregnancy early again."

I'm terribly sorry for your loss. However, your experiences, while tragic, really only inform you on what YOU would do, not no one or everyone else. Are you the SIL poster? I can understand how you would feel very sensitive to the issue. Still, your message came across as being spiteful, and judgmental. Your loss doesn't give you the right to make decisions on what behaviors are right for other people, nor does it make it right to sound glad you could say "I told you so" to someone else suffering a loss. It's an ugly way to go through life.

[Anonymous]

I am allowed to feel uncomfortable if someone tells me early on. I of course wish them the best and hope that all is well. But the ones who announce on FB as soon as they pee on a stick make me REALLY uncomfortable. There is a difference between telling your best friends early and telling everyone and their brother on FB.

This does not make me a heartless beyotch who cares nothing for the feelings of the newly pregnant. Of course to each their own on when they feel comfortable - but I don't have to be comfortable being on the receiving end of the information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am allowed to feel uncomfortable if someone tells me early on. I of course wish them the best and hope that all is well. But the ones who announce on FB as soon as they pee on a stick make me REALLY uncomfortable. There is a difference between telling your best friends early and telling everyone and their brother on FB.

This does not make me a heartless beyotch who cares nothing for the feelings of the newly pregnant. Of course to each their own on when they feel comfortable - but I don't have to be comfortable being on the receiving end of the information.

No, you're not allowed. If women aren't allowed ti decide when to inform people of their pregnancies then you are not allowed to feel uncomfortable by any of it.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, 21:26? No one is saying that a woman can't announce when she wants. That's her (and husband's?) choice. Sharing the news with virtually anyone within earshot/electronic modes (facebook) right after you take a pregnancy test at 4 weeks may likely make a lot of people uncomfortable. That's all. Do you ever feel uncomfortable when hearing about rather personal information from non-family members or non-close friends?

Some people are an open book, willing to share EVERYTHING with practically EVERYONE. Some people have more boundries and feel uncomfortable with learning certain information at certain times. Neither is a bad person, nor "shithead" to quote a PP.