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Uncomfortable hearing about pregnancy at 4 weeks?
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Anonymous
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Someone recently shared the wonderful news with me that she pregnant. While this is very exciting news, I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable knowing this information because she is only four weeks along. She had literally just taken the pregnancy test. I’m not that close to this person, and after sharing the news with me, she proceeded to share it with someone else that has a similar relationship with her.
Isn’t four weeks super early to share? I felt/feel uncomfortable. And only a few months ago this person told me about her friend that was (very newly) pregnant, and later informed me that her friend lost the baby (I think it was determined at a 12 week appt?). Given the horrible trauma her friend is suffering, I’d think she herself would be a little more private about her own pregnancy news? Is it just me? At how many weeks are folks typically sharing their pregnancy news with people, who aren’t family or super close friends?? While I am thrilled for her, I can’t help but keep my emotions in check at this point. |
Anonymous
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A relative of mine posted her pregnancy test as a status update on FB...the day she took it. Talk about an overshare!
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Anonymous
| Yes, this is very early. However, some people feel comfortable sharing good and bad news. If she had a miscarriage, perhaps she would want the support of the entire community. Not everyone hides bad news away. |
Anonymous
I agree with this. I didn't tell people at work for the first tri, but I told everyone else right away. If I had had a miscarriage I would have wanted everyone to know because I would want support and understanding. |
Anonymous
This poster has a good point. Some people might feel comfortable and even need to talk about if they lost the baby. I know this is a very different relationship that what you are talking about, but my SIL recently told us us she was pregnant past the standard first trimester point. Turns out she had been having some complications that of course we had no idea about. I consider myself to be pretty close with her overall and it made me wonder about the whole waiting three months thing, especially with family (which I did both times, too). I mean, if she had miscarried, would she really have never told us about it? And if I had ever miscarried, would I really have never wanted to tell any of our family and close friends? Likely I would have wanted to talk about it at which point I would have announced that I had been pregnant and we lost the baby, which basically just made me wonder about the whole waiting strategy. |
Anonymous
I agree. Those who share early are usually the types who i imagine feel comfortable sharing bad news. |
Anonymous
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Yes, some people just like to share, and share, and share and share. They share that they are "trying." They share that they're having fun trying. They share that they had fibroid surgery, even though you just met them and don't know their name and are just standing in line at the coffee machine at work.
Later, they will share their stories about hemorrhoids, awkward sex positions in the last trimester, and on and on and on. I wish people didn't, in fact, feel so comfortable sharing and seeking validation. I wish they'd be more WASPy and STFU. |
Anonymous
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i feel the same way! Generally, once someone tells me they're pregnant, eventually I'm going to share that happy news with someone else. And then I feel like I'm the one that could jinx the pregnancy. Yeah, I'm superstitious. I also hate early tellers because I'm used to people telling me at 13 weeks or so, not at 2 or 4 or whatever. If they tell me that early, I feel like they are pregnant FOREVER and I keep thinking the baby will be due any day now instead of 3 months from now.
but that's just me. I'm kind of a dork. 
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Anonymous
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I had a "friend" on FB (one of those HS people that I barely remember) announce her pregnancy seemingly the day she took the test. After a few weeks or days of posts about how worried she was about how she'll ever manage to start over with a new baby (she's a single mom with two other kids who are in jr. high), her posts then made clear that she and her bf had broken up. Now she posts about dating, parties, drinking, etc. While it's possible she miscarried, given that she over-shares so much, I think she would've posted if she had. Rather, I think she had an abortion. Obviously, this isn't something most people need to worry about as a result of sharing news early, but seriously, what an idiot.
(FWIW, I'm firmly pro-choice, but I'm pretty sure if I'd keep my mouth shut about the pregnancy if there was any chance I wasn't going to keep the baby.) |
Anonymous
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I have been on both sides of this story. With my first three pregnancies we told everyone the day we tested. I love sharing good news.
Pregnancy number 3 ended in m/c and it was very very tough on our two older kids and hard to explain considering you really have no answers. When we got pregnant again we decided because of the children to wait until the first trimester before we went public. Having said that, I welcome all the support we got after the m/c. People were wonderful during a very sad time. |
Anonymous
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I feel uncomfortable when people tell right away. I sometimes wonder if they are naive to the risk of miscarriage.
I also feel uncomfortable because I feel like these same people are likely offended that I waited until the end of my first trimester to tell anyone... like they think that is a judgement on our friendship or something. |
Anonymous
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I think it's fine if people tell early and I also think it's fine if people tell late.
I wouldn't be uncomfortable if someone told me early. I agree with the PP who said it can be helpful to have support if there is a M/C. |
Anonymous
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This is her news and it's up to her to decide when to tell. There's no reason it should make you uncomfortable, and you are free to keep your own pregnancy quiet as long as you want. Frankly it sounds like you are being judgmental about something that has nothing to do with you.
I am terrible at keeping secrets and that included my pregnancy. I didn't find out myself until 7 weeks (surprise!) and I told immediate family right away. At my 8-week ultrasound we heard the heartbeat and the OB said that at that point the risk of miscarriage was less than 5 percent. I was miserable and sick and happy and excited and totally preoccupied, and I'm a terrible actress, so anyone who knew me well could tell that something was up. It was much easier to just tell people what was going on rather than hide it. If I had lost the baby, that is something I would have shared with my close friends no matter what, and I'm sure my work would have found out too. So for me there was just no reason to wait. I wasn't particularly worried about making someone else "uncomfortable" as it had nothing to do with them. I'm glad my friends are more supportive than OP and I hope I wasn't judged behind my back for the personal decision to share. |
Anonymous
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It makes me feel very uncomfortable, especially when I don't know the person well. I think it shows poor judgment--sharing uncertain, very personal news. I agree that people who do this probably feel ok sharing any bad news, too, and find it important to share the joy of good news and needs the support in a bad news situation.
My SIL announced right after her first pregnancy test, very early. When she miscarried by 7 weeks she then had to notify everyone or expect people to notify each other. She went to a party when she would have been 12-16 weeks and someone who didn't know about the miscarriage exclaimed in front of everyone "there's the pregnant lady, how are you feeling" kind of thing. For her second pregnancy (DC is now 6 months old), she announced when she was 13 weeks. |
Anonymous
You sound really spiteful....as if your SIL deserved to miscarry for announcing too early. And when she kept the news to herself, like a good girl should... |