pregnant with third boy

[Anonymous]

Mother to 3 boys here. I've felt that sadness, OP. It isn't so much for what I'm missing during the growing up years -- the perks of being the only female in the house outweigh the disadvantages!

No, it's my fear to what happens once my sons are married. Reading DCUM doesn't help. Seems everyone ranks the husband's mother below the wife's mother in terms of access to the grandkids, continued involvement in the husband's life. I talk to my own mother 3 or 4 times a week, and would love to have that close bond with my sons when they're adults. I'd love for my sons to settle nearby so that we can see them often. But I know that the odds are against me.

About wedding costs. My family did pay for my wedding, and my husband's paid for the rehersal dinner. If that tradition is changing, then I assume that the wedding won't take place in the bride's home town, the bride's parents won't be the hosts with their names on the invitations, that I won't be expected to wear beige, that the bride's mother will have no more in-put on which vendors are chosen than the groom's fathers, etc. That would only be fair, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mother to 3 boys here. I've felt that sadness, OP. It isn't so much for what I'm missing during the growing up years -- the perks of being the only female in the house outweigh the disadvantages!

No, it's my fear to what happens once my sons are married. Reading DCUM doesn't help. Seems everyone ranks the husband's mother below the wife's mother in terms of access to the grandkids, continued involvement in the husband's life. I talk to my own mother 3 or 4 times a week, and would love to have that close bond with my sons when they're adults. I'd love for my sons to settle nearby so that we can see them often. But I know that the odds are against me.

About wedding costs. My family did pay for my wedding, and my husband's paid for the rehersal dinner. If that tradition is changing, then I assume that the wedding won't take place in the bride's home town, the bride's parents won't be the hosts with their names on the invitations, that I won't be expected to wear beige, that the bride's mother will have no more in-put on which vendors are chosen than the groom's fathers, etc. That would only be fair, right?

Um, get out of the 50's lady. Who the hell wears beige anyway? Things are-a-changing. I don't think my parents cared one bit about vendors or names on invites or where it took place. Those decisions are ones that can be made as a family.

[Anonymous]

I don't quite understand why the OP's post has degenearted into a pointless debate about who pays for wedding costs. As for the point of her post, I've got nothing but sympathy as the mom of two boys. I was the only daughter myself and had a wonderful relationship with my mom, and when she died a few years ago I thought having a daughter might somehow give me back what I'd lost in terms of a special mother-daughter relationship. Plus all the cute clothes, and the shopping, and the hope that a little girl wouldn't be as crazy active as both my boys have turned out to be. That didn't quite work out, and while I adore my boys I totally get why having a third boy could provoke some angst. OP, my advice is to allow yourself to grieve a little for what might have been, and get it out of your system. In the end as much as I would have loved a girl, I feel like I won the lottery to have had two healthy kids (knock wood), and I know that they will have each other for longer than I have them so I mostly focus on trying to teach them to have the best sibling relationship possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't quite understand why the OP's post has degenearted into a pointless debate about who pays for wedding costs. As for the point of her post, I've got nothing but sympathy as the mom of two boys. I was the only daughter myself and had a wonderful relationship with my mom, and when she died a few years ago I thought having a daughter might somehow give me back what I'd lost in terms of a special mother-daughter relationship. Plus all the cute clothes, and the shopping, and the hope that a little girl wouldn't be as crazy active as both my boys have turned out to be. That didn't quite work out, and while I adore my boys I totally get why having a third boy could provoke some angst. OP, my advice is to allow yourself to grieve a little for what might have been, and get it out of your system. In the end as much as I would have loved a girl, I feel like I won the lottery to have had two healthy kids (knock wood), and I know that they will have each other for longer than I have them so I mostly focus on trying to teach them to have the best sibling relationship possible.

FWIW, I have one of each and my daughter is much more active than my son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mother to 3 boys here. I've felt that sadness, OP. It isn't so much for what I'm missing during the growing up years -- the perks of being the only female in the house outweigh the disadvantages!

No, it's my fear to what happens once my sons are married. Reading DCUM doesn't help. Seems everyone ranks the husband's mother below the wife's mother in terms of access to the grandkids, continued involvement in the husband's life. I talk to my own mother 3 or 4 times a week, and would love to have that close bond with my sons when they're adults. I'd love for my sons to settle nearby so that we can see them often. But I know that the odds are against me.

About wedding costs. My family did pay for my wedding, and my husband's paid for the rehersal dinner. If that tradition is changing, then I assume that the wedding won't take place in the bride's home town, the bride's parents won't be the hosts with their names on the invitations, that I won't be expected to wear beige, that the bride's mother will have no more in-put on which vendors are chosen than the groom's fathers, etc. That would only be fair, right?

Truly weird discussion of payment for a wedding. If you really end up having such a petty and rigid attitude when your sons get married, you likely will end up "ranked below" pretty much everyone else in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Want a girl? Adopt one.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks to all for your comments. A little grieving is fair and I had my cry this morning. My two little boys are the greatest and if #3 is half as fantastic as those two I'm still ahead.

As to my wedding comments, it was just an expression. To the feminist I offended, you really should be more open-minded. Btw, I fully expect DH and I will (help) host three incredible rehearsal dinners - w/o upstaging the bride, natch.

Anymore stories? Please keep sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mother to 3 boys here. I've felt that sadness, OP. It isn't so much for what I'm missing during the growing up years -- the perks of being the only female in the house outweigh the disadvantages!

No, it's my fear to what happens once my sons are married. Reading DCUM doesn't help. Seems everyone ranks the husband's mother below the wife's mother in terms of access to the grandkids, continued involvement in the husband's life. I talk to my own mother 3 or 4 times a week, and would love to have that close bond with my sons when they're adults. I'd love for my sons to settle nearby so that we can see them often. But I know that the odds are against me.

About wedding costs. My family did pay for my wedding, and my husband's paid for the rehersal dinner. If that tradition is changing, then I assume that the wedding won't take place in the bride's home town, the bride's parents won't be the hosts with their names on the invitations, that I won't be expected to wear beige, that the bride's mother will have no more in-put on which vendors are chosen than the groom's fathers, etc. That would only be fair, right?

My DH is one of three boys and my MIL is wonderful!! I sometimes feel like my MIL likes me more than my own mother does. One of my DH's brothers and his wife and kids live in the same neighborhood as my ILs, as do we. So it could happen

[Anonymous]

Maybe your sons won't marry and you won't have to worry about any costs! Geez.

I agree that you are more than entitled to mourn the "loss" of the daughter you won't have. Nothing wrong with that! I think I will be the opposite...3 girls! I have one girl so far, but I'd bet money that the next is a girl too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't quite understand why the OP's post has degenearted into a pointless debate about who pays for wedding costs. As for the point of her post, I've got nothing but sympathy as the mom of two boys. I was the only daughter myself and had a wonderful relationship with my mom, and when she died a few years ago I thought having a daughter might somehow give me back what I'd lost in terms of a special mother-daughter relationship. Plus all the cute clothes, and the shopping, and the hope that a little girl wouldn't be as crazy active as both my boys have turned out to be. That didn't quite work out, and while I adore my boys I totally get why having a third boy could provoke some angst. OP, my advice is to allow yourself to grieve a little for what might have been, and get it out of your system. In the end as much as I would have loved a girl, I feel like I won the lottery to have had two healthy kids (knock wood), and I know that they will have each other for longer than I have them so I mostly focus on trying to teach them to have the best sibling relationship possible.

This sums up in a nutshell how I felt about having a second son, especially the part about wanting them to be close.

I felt your pain OP, I was a bit despondent after getting my amnio results for my second son because in my heart of hearts I just knew he would be a she. I am done with having children, and would never "try" for a girl for the sake of having a girl. Knowing me, I would end up with 3 boys and they would then proceed to drive me bananas!

[Anonymous]

OP, bottom line is this. You are extremely fortunate to be have this as your problem of the day. I know many women who would give anything to be in your shoes.

[Anonymous]

OP, bottom line is Get.Over.It.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and OP why are you only going to (Help) host the rehearsal dinner and not the wedding? Wedding costs much more.

[Anonymous]

I wanted a DD for nothing more than to replicate the relationship i have with my mom. It was bumpy in the teen years but nothing out of the norm and I love, love, love the mother daugther times we share and I wanted nothing more than to be able to have that with my daugther and with my mom along. And I am so happy I have a DD. While I was pregnant, the first ultrasound technician told us she was a boy--which turned out to be a mistake fixed six weeks later at another ultrasound. I couldn't believe what a surprise that was!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Just before Eli Manning was going to the Super Bowl with the Giants, I remember seeing a great story about him and his relationship with his mother on TV. As the youngest son, he was home with her a lot when the dad and the older boys (Payton, esp) were off already doing the football thing. Eli and his mom are really close, love to shop together, etc. I don't remember the details (and am hopefully not butchering the story) but it was really sweet.

So, don't rule out any kind of relationship with your new (or current) sons. You just don't know what it will be like.