What did you want more? To be a mom or a wife?

[Anonymous]

Apparently I wanted to be a mom more, because I'm still a mom but no longer a wife.

[Anonymous]

I didn't necessarily want to be a wife, but it was my goal since I was probably in middle school to find someone to share my life with. I wanted to find a best friend and partner to grow with. I met my now husband at 19 and we just clicked from the start. We both just realized how much happier we were together. We thought about kids for a little bit, but realized we were happy without them so why add the stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was talking to someone who desired a husband/ partner more than children. Essentially she wants to be a mom but will forfeit this for a romantic relationship. For me, I always wanted to be a mom more than to have a partner. Of course, I wanted both but motherhood was my main objective. It may be cultural but I felt that the bond between a mother and a child outlived most romantic relationships. I also feel like marriage was a way to become a mom in a stable environment. What about you all?

It was more important to me to be a mom. I had minor kids at home for more than three decades. Although I’ve always worked and had other fulfilling roles, I am at my center a mom. It’s going to be so weird having an empty nest this fall. I’m remarried so DH and I have never had this time alone.

A good friend from college gave up kids (her words) to marry her extremely wealthy husband. She’s from an UC family of four daughters, but the only sibling without kids. I don’t think single parenthood was an option for her.

[Anonymous]

Mom, definitely

[Anonymous]

Neither was ever a goal of mine. If it happened fine, but if it didn't that'd also be fine.

[Anonymous]

Mom more, but I knew I wanted to SAH and also I'm pretty traditional, so I also needed a husband. Sort of of a package deal.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I think wife more for me, although I love being a mom. I love the support and companionship from my spouse.

[Anonymous]

Mom, and I would have done it myself had things not worked out the way they did.

[Anonymous]

What did you want more, to go to dinner or go to the toilet?

[Anonymous]

Wife

[Anonymous]

I love a lot of things about being married, but reflecting on my life, I have to say that having kids is utterly transformative in a way that marriage just isn’t. It’s two very different things.

[Anonymous]

I don't think I would have had a child without being married but he had to have the qualities and desire to be an excellent father. Fortunately, I found him and had two children--the loves of my life.

[Anonymous]

I think it's easy for people to say Mom without ever having gone down the path of being a single Mom. I was a single Mom and so obviously I valued a child over marriage, but for the 7 years I searched for a husband my family never felt complete. I'm also lucky that I found the right man, because he did complete our family.

[Anonymous]

I wanted to be married. I was fine not having children. We decided to try and ended up with twins and love them dearly so I don't wish I didn't have them, but I didn't grow up wanting or needing to be a mom.

And now I very much prioritize my marriage (and always have). Our children are dependent on us and of course we take care of them (and then some!), but we put our own oxygen masks on first, which to us means taking care of ourselves and taking care of our marriage. As a result, we have happy kids and a happy life.

[Anonymous]

Mom, but I didn't realize it at the time.