Your HONEST opinion/reaction - E-mail I Received

[Anonymous]

Nah, no big deal.

She isn't demanding you contribute she is just mentioning this idea of a gift and saying if you want to contribute go ahead. T

he friend doesn't know you personally, she likely just didn't want to leave anyone out. I might go along with it if I normally bought a present for the friend in question and I thought she would like it.

[Anonymous]

Bothers me but I would try to be charitable and assume that the sister's enthusiasm at giving her sister a big gift got out of control. And be sure you don't hold the sister's mistake against your friend. Your friend might be appalled if she knew this were going on.

But overall I'd ignore it unless I had been planning to give the friend a gift anyway and then I *might* contribute.

[Anonymous]

REALLY, really, really tacky!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

It didn't bother me - I think because of her tone "even if you can only donate a $1. She isn't demanding and perhaps this is her dream 35th birthday trip. With that said I still would not contribute. Unless its a really close friend I hardly every buy them a present, we might go to dinner, they might get a card but its very rare now that we are older that I would buy a gift. For me I would base it on how close I felt to this person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nah, no big deal.

She isn't demanding you contribute she is just mentioning this idea of a gift and saying if you want to contribute go ahead. T

he friend doesn't know you personally, she likely just didn't want to leave anyone out. I might go along with it if I normally bought a present for the friend in question and I thought she would like it.

I agree. It was nicely worded, it is obviously a suggestion and they think it is something she would really enjoy. Personally I'd rather have one big thing which I'll really enjoy vs. lots of little things so I think they are being pretty thoughtful.

Sorry it rubbed you the wrong way.

[Anonymous]

OP here! Thanks for all for the input! It sounds like I have a mixed bag here, but all of the perspectives are interesting and worth taking into consideration. I'm so sorry for the poster who lost her close friends in the last year! I, too, was thinking the same thing. . . how much I love my friend and want her to be happy, especially since she is struggling with the changes that come with a new baby.

Here are a few of my closing thoughts on the subject. . .

(a) At his point in my life, I don't usually buy my friends big or expensive presents. We all have kids and extended families, and it gets expensive. Nor do I expect anything for my birthday, although a card, e-mail, or phone call is always appreciated. I prefer to send a nice card with a well-thought message and perhaps a Starbucks card or a $10.00 gift card to their favorite fast food restaurant. (I know, this could go for the Disney pass.) I knew her birthday was coming up, but I wasn't really planning on doing anything more than my usual per above.

(b) This same sister has thrown quite a few parties in the last 2 years for her sister. I think it's sweet, but at what point does something say to themselves, "Enough is enough!" I do understand that some families find it important to celebrate all milestones, but 35 is not really any different than 32, 34 or 37, right? (as many of you posters have pointed out.)

(c) From what I understand, this friend has purchased a pass in the past and has been to Disneyland quite a few times. I guess she really likes Mickey, but how many times can you go to Disneyland in one year? You would have to go 6 times to make it worth the price ($76 admission, $15 parking – new price hike to go into effect this week!).

Thanks all for the input. Not sure what I am going to do, but I’m sure the answer will come to me soon.

[Anonymous]

Not a big deal to me. If you want to participate, great. If you don't want to participate, just delete it. No reaon to do anything beyond that.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be offended by this...she's just asking if you want to participate in a group gift of something she knows her sister would like. If you want to contribute $20 do, if you don't then don't. Not a big deal. To me it's no worse than asking a group of friends if they want to get together for a potluck BBQ or camping trip, or asking a guest if they want a drink of water or something. No biggie.

[Anonymous]

I think its really tacky for a few reasons:

1. OP seems to have ponied up for various gifts over a relatively short period of time
2. Asking for money in my view is always tacky
3. It would never occur to me to get a birthday gift (other than a card) for anyone over 18, except my mom (MIL) and spouse.


Op, if you would have gotten a gift for your friend anyway, then stick with your original plans, otherwise just ignore the email.

[Anonymous]

It wouldn't bother me. I wouldn't necessarily contribute if I didn't want to, but it wouldn't bother me.

[Anonymous]

Around the time we got married and had our first child, I felt embarrassed by the large number of gifts we were receiving on what seemed to be a regular basis.

There were shower gifts, wedding gifts, house warming gifts, baptism gifts, and finally first birthday gifts. It was a lot of stuff. It was nice, but it was kind of an embarrassment of riches.

It has trailed off now and life has gone back to normal which is attending several showers, weddings, baptisms, and first birthdays each year for other people.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that when you are single you pay it forward to the Gift Fairy and then afterwards you pay it back.

BTW, I don't feel so embarrassed anymore and I really wish the Gift Fairy would come back to our house again.

[Anonymous]

I think it's really tacky. My best friend just had a milestone 30th birthday and her husband asked everyone via email to send her a note for a scrap book he was putting together and a picture. Now that was sweet.

I love buying wedding gifts, kid b-day gifts, baby shower gifts, first time I meet the baby gift, hostess gifts, christmas gifts, etc. - but 35 year old b-day gifts for someone who I am not planning on seeing? That's not the norm and I would have no problem just ignoring that email.

My "milestone" 35th will arrive at the end of the year and I'll probably get a gift from my husband, inlaws, and parents, but that is it.

[Anonymous]

It's tacky but not offensive because I would in no way feel obligated to contribute. It's not like she's inviting you to a party and asking you to contribute, which would send the message, "if you want to participate, pony up." It's an open invitation with no strings attached. You can just hit "delete."

[Anonymous]

If you don't like it, don't contribute $. Easy.

Give a different gift if you wish, or none at all.

The e-mail message is nicely worded, offers it as a suggestion if you want to participate, and is NOT a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Why is turning 35 such a big deal? It isn't what is considered a "mile stone" birthday. Personally, I would simply ignore and send nothing. Why do some people think it is all right to ask for money for gifts? It isn't, it is rude. If she had a devastating disease--maybe then I would understand, but for her 35th birthday? Ha, Ha, Ha.