Age difference - will DH and I still be able to do fun activities together once I retire?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad passed at 73 and my uncle at 72. No guarantees there. I know you enjoy work but do you have to keep working? It may be better to do an early retirement so you can enjoy the time you have.

OP here.
I don't HAVE to keep working. I work freelance so I take on the work I can get. The work is interesting and fulfilling, but it's a competitive world out there for freelancers, and if I don't work I don't earn. Financially we're OK, I work part-time, but I'm worried that if I slow down and work less, or occasional projects, my clients will move on and find someone else.

[Anonymous]

No one can predict the future, OP. Glad you are fitting in fun now, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad passed at 73 and my uncle at 72. No guarantees there. I know you enjoy work but do you have to keep working? It may be better to do an early retirement so you can enjoy the time you have.

OP here.
I don't HAVE to keep working. I work freelance so I take on the work I can get. The work is interesting and fulfilling, but it's a competitive world out there for freelancers, and if I don't work I don't earn. Financially we're OK, I work part-time, but I'm worried that if I slow down and work less, or occasional projects, my clients will move on and find someone else.

It sounds like you are striking a good balance as is, OP.

I'd try to focus on the now and try not to have anxiety about the future. If it continues perhaps a meditation practice or similar could help. I would not completely step out of the workforce at your age.

[Anonymous]

We have an age gap slightly bigger than yours. I plan to retire at the same time as DH. I also plan to cultivate friendships with other women and family members so I can continue the hobbies I enjoy with them if DH becomes to old to enjoy them with me while I am still relatively young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(I know this is a hypothetical question.)

I am 56, DH will be 65 this year. Married for 26 years, no kids.

DH retired 2 years ago. I am still working, albeit part-time (I am a freelancer).

I intend to work for another 9 years at least (I enjoy my work a lot) so I will be 65 when I retire. DH will be 74 then.

I sometimes wonder if we will still be able to do fun things together once I retire. Things like going on vacations, outings, hiking, cycling, going to events, music festivals, etc. These are the things we're doing now, in between my work commitments.

Once I retire we will have all the time in the world and no responsibility towards children or grandchildren because we are childfree.
But will our health allow it? We are both healthy right now but who knows ...

My aunt and uncle are both 69, been married forever (they were high school sweethearts) and they both retired about 4 years ago. They do A LOT of fun outdoor activities together, like playing tennis (several days a week), cycling, walking, going on vacations. They have a large social circle. And they're still in their 60s.

By the time I plan to retire my DH will be in his mid 70s ... meaning while DH is in his 60s (and still healthy) I'll still be working.

Does anyone have a spouse with a 9 or 10 year age gap and do you still go out and do activities together in retirement?

My FIL and his wife are about 10 years apart and he is 85 (and a cancer survivor). They just got back from Europe. And are heading back out again in a few mos. to see the Northern Lights in scandanavia. FIL has some health issues but it has been manageable. He walks every day and is in as good health as you can expect at 85 (though obv a bit slower than he was 10 years ago). They are living the life.

It is absolutely doable.

Sure, it’s doable, but there’s no guarantee. So don’t postpone joy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that YOU will be healthy enough for all of that??

THIS Exactly!!!! No one knows what can happen to our health at any time. Most diseases (and then there are catastrophic accidents) don't just magically appear...they have usually been "growing" for some time before you experience symptoms. This happened to me. I was in the prime of my life and the "healthiest" that I had ever been and BAM I was hit with an autoimmune disease that left me almost crippled and completely unable to care for myself. My then SO who was overweight, diabetic and unable to "keep up with me", suddenly needed to help ME. I couldn't even step onto/off a curb without help. I am cured now, but that 6month bout made me realize to not be so smug about my health. Now, I'm not waiting until I retire, but instead live everyday to the fullest and travel as much as my PTO and finances allow.

[Anonymous]

Get your cycling in now. Not that you won't be able to later, but the older you get, the more damaging a fall will be. After a certain point it won't be worth the risk.

[Anonymous]

My dad is 77 and going on an Alaskan cruise this summer. He goes to San Francisco about twice a year and walks all over. Keep your husband in good physical shape - have him stretch, work on flexibility, balance and muscles. You do the same (more important for you, as a woman because menopause).

[Anonymous]

My father in in his 80's and his wife (second wife) is late 60's and in the last 5 years there has been a noticeable gap in what they can each do. She's still working and traveling a lot, he has more issues with walking distances and other physical activity. So they go on ski trips and she skis and he stays in the hotel, or they travel and he doesn't do all the touring/walking. They just started taking cruises because it gives them more options. And they travel a lot with friends so she isn't on her own. It works out but kind of accentuates the age gap.

[Anonymous]

My sister is 40 and her husband is 56. Her husband plans on retiring at 62-65ish and she is going to retire when he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(I know this is a hypothetical question.)

I am 56, DH will be 65 this year. Married for 26 years, no kids.

DH retired 2 years ago. I am still working, albeit part-time (I am a freelancer).

I intend to work for another 9 years at least (I enjoy my work a lot) so I will be 65 when I retire. DH will be 74 then.

I sometimes wonder if we will still be able to do fun things together once I retire. Things like going on vacations, outings, hiking, cycling, going to events, music festivals, etc. These are the things we're doing now, in between my work commitments.

Once I retire we will have all the time in the world and no responsibility towards children or grandchildren because we are childfree.
But will our health allow it? We are both healthy right now but who knows ...

My aunt and uncle are both 69, been married forever (they were high school sweethearts) and they both retired about 4 years ago. They do A LOT of fun outdoor activities together, like playing tennis (several days a week), cycling, walking, going on vacations. They have a large social circle. And they're still in their 60s.

By the time I plan to retire my DH will be in his mid 70s ... meaning while DH is in his 60s (and still healthy) I'll still be working.

Does anyone have a spouse with a 9 or 10 year age gap and do you still go out and do activities together in retirement?

My FIL and his wife are about 10 years apart and he is 85 (and a cancer survivor). They just got back from Europe. And are heading back out again in a few mos. to see the Northern Lights in scandanavia. FIL has some health issues but it has been manageable. He walks every day and is in as good health as you can expect at 85 (though obv a bit slower than he was 10 years ago). They are living the life.

It is absolutely doable.

Sure, it’s doable, but there’s no guarantee. So don’t postpone joy.

I didn't say to postpone. I would travel and stuff as much as I could now. But I also answered the question about whether it was doable. And it is.

[Anonymous]

Total stranger on the internet with somewhat limited information, but my advice is retire or cut way back now so you can travel and enjoy what might be your husband's last five to 10 years of good health. You can work more later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Total stranger on the internet with somewhat limited information, but my advice is retire or cut way back now so you can travel and enjoy what might be your husband's last five to 10 years of good health. You can work more later.

Wholeheartedly agree here, and honestly, it's rather obvious. If you can afford it, do the stuff you want to do now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Total stranger on the internet with somewhat limited information, but my advice is retire or cut way back now so you can travel and enjoy what might be your husband's last five to 10 years of good health. You can work more later.

This 100%. Also, I wouldn't be down with working while he enjoys retirement. Lots of people on DCUM are fine with an arrangement where the younger partner works and the older partner golfs and they've made their case. It wouldn't work for me, though. We're retiring at that same time and'll make whatever budget adjustments are required.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, my parents have a similar age gap OP, and they slowed down on travel primarily because of the -younger- spouse's declining mobility and issues that make travel/leisure activities more difficult. No major health issues, but just typical old person stuff like arthritis etc.