Death surrounds us. So why I am so shocked

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think Death and the process of dying is shocking to Americans bc:

-Americans don’t respect death. It is a commodity. We sell and use guns. We have the NRA that worships guns that cause death, often of innocent people. Deaths are shown on the news every morning, day and night. Our tv shows and movies romanticize death. Death is nothing special until it happens to someone we personally know, then all of a sudden it’s real to us and we can’t handle the reality that a human life is really gone forever.

-Americans outsource everything, including aging parents. Our family structures are very nuclear and close extended families are not as much a thing anymore, so we are no longer involved in the daily processes of taking care of sick family members and aging elders, and helping them have a comfortable transition to death. They’re tucked away until they die, we visit a few times, then there’s the funeral.

-Americans are very selfish and self-centered. More communal cultures celebrate birth, life and death as a community. They ceremoniously and ritually remember and honor their dead loved ones and ancestors. They together embrace and take care of the sick and dying. Death is not a mystery to them, it is expected and part of the cycle of life. They respect death and the dead. Americans don’t do that. Our cemeteries are quiet forlorn places, often without visitors. We bury a loved one then go on about our business.

americans outsource because their jobs expect every waking hour of their lives. I lived in europe for 30 years and nowhere compares to america in terms of the expectation that you are meant to devote most waking hours to work and LIKE IT. and have a great attitude. and 'be excited' about work. other cultures, death is much more woven in. people take many more vacations. they bring their 'whole selves' to work because they can't not. it's implied everywhere in every aspect that we never know when it's our time and so why TF would you CONSTANTLY go above and beyond. and america is like 'we're the best and we have the most money'. But that fact isn't going to help you when you're on dialysis.

Great point. American culture is very much anti death. It’s not something that part of public discourse. Ambitious people don’t delve into topics concerning mortality, I noticed, and always thought it’s because that negates the “can-do” attitude and extreme focus on productivity you need to succeed.

[Anonymous]

You need therapy not an rando internet board. Please get some help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need therapy not an rando internet board. Please get some help.

I’m not OP but you are a mean-spirited idiot.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I posted bc I was surprised how much a death like this—of someone who I respected and liked, someone who meant something to me, but in the end was a old man who was a friends dad—has given me so so much sadness and tears. I think it’s like watching that van drive down in a drizzling morning. And no one to talk to about how people die and today I am literally about to sit down and like…update my work goals for this project I effing have.

I know I am experiencing the most common and mundane moment with this happening and my tears. But isnt it crazy? People gone from this earth and I’m here in Workday on a Monday just …doing the stupid thing.

Like someone said before, I guess I wish I could talk to a friend who would be ready for this conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need therapy not an rando internet board. Please get some help.

Ah, the therapy troll.

So, you decided to pop up on a ton on threads this weekend? Hmmm, you might need some therapy, dear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I posted bc I was surprised how much a death like this—of someone who I respected and liked, someone who meant something to me, but in the end was a old man who was a friends dad—has given me so so much sadness and tears. I think it’s like watching that van drive down in a drizzling morning. And no one to talk to about how people die and today I am literally about to sit down and like…update my work goals for this project I effing have.

I know I am experiencing the most common and mundane moment with this happening and my tears. But isnt it crazy? People gone from this earth and I’m here in Workday on a Monday just …doing the stupid thing.

Like someone said before, I guess I wish I could talk to a friend who would be ready for this conversation.

This is a hard part of life.

Sorta like the van story, my next door neighbor died out of the blue a couple of years ago. During the day, he was mowing the lawn and doing the things he loved and, during the night, an ambulance was taking his body away. The next week the neighbor boy was moving his lawn. Life is precious and fleeting.

[Anonymous]

Fresh off of grief, it is a shock to witness someone’s last moments. My mother died 2 months ago at an advanced age, in her own home but with a newer arrangement with 24/7 nursing care. She had heart failure but died with appointments and follow up care scheduled and was hoping to have an upcoming surgical procedure and hearing aids fitted.

I had accompanied her to medical appointments, visited her in the hospital (had a fall), drove her to errands. All the while kept wondering when hospice would be needed and trying to figure out what stage her heart failure was - my mom never asked. It was like her doctors played along because that’s what she needed to keep going.

Then, during a visit, she died. It was weirdly, oddly, a total shock. I know now that my mom died peacefully and under her own terms, as delusional as it may have seemed now and then. All said, I think facing the truth and her mortality would have hastened her death.

We are generally uncomfortable facing the issues around death and dying. My mom prepared and planned and made all funeral arrangements ahead of time, though. So even though she didn’t want to confront end of life issues she did (in her 60s) extensive preparation that ended up being a true gift to the family.