Death surrounds us. So why I am so shocked

[Anonymous]

My best friends dad died this week.

Life is cyclical. We see daffodils dying right now. The magnolia blooms are falling already.

This man lived a long life and had a long illness.

Why is having to say goodbye to this man so devastating. We know we’re all going to die. This is as much of life as anything else.

Why does the obvious and inevitable feel so shocking.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for your friend and for your loss. Death is a part of life but it's very very hard. Whether we have a lot of things experience with it or only a little.

[Anonymous]

So very sorry.

[Anonymous]

Was he young? Then it can be shocking.

[Anonymous]

Sorry op 😞. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Being shocked that we will die is what is the motivator for living. We each come with a little chip that informs us with the lie that we are invincible, immortal, and special. When that tears away it's too hard to comprehend, so we invent structures
and platitudes around it,like belief systems ( religion, or everything happens for a reason, rainbow bridge, it was his time) and sometimes death defies all that. We know it, but it's too hard to believe.

For me, it was a sobering moment watching a plain unmarked van carry my neighbor, who died in his sleep, out of our street on a drizzly afternoon. No one standing around with their dog or lawnmower even knew that was him, the van and loading was obligatory and unconventional like removing a chair. Life just moves on.
Make each day count.

[Anonymous]

At 29 I lost a 26 year old friend in a car wreck. I was messed up for a long time. Just taking my trash out one night I broke down crying knowing that she'd never take the trash out again.

[Anonymous]

This is why I’m turning to religion. I am a non practicing Muslim and am seeking out Sufism. I just cannot accept the fact that life is hard and that we are all destined to die. It sounds naive but I don’t know how to deal with it other than turning to faith.

I was shaken by Princess Kate’s diagnosis because she always seemed invincible to me. Someone with the perfect life: a loving and stable family of origin, the most prestigious family in the world as in laws, beautiful children, etc. I still cannot grapple with the fact that this shows how precarious life is, for this to happen to the most privileged of humans.

[Anonymous]

I think Death and the process of dying is shocking to Americans bc:

-Americans don’t respect death. It is a commodity. We sell and use guns. We have the NRA that worships guns that cause death, often of innocent people. Deaths are shown on the news every morning, day and night. Our tv shows and movies romanticize death. Death is nothing special until it happens to someone we personally know, then all of a sudden it’s real to us and we can’t handle the reality that a human life is really gone forever.

-Americans outsource everything, including aging parents. Our family structures are very nuclear and close extended families are not as much a thing anymore, so we are no longer involved in the daily processes of taking care of sick family members and aging elders, and helping them have a comfortable transition to death. They’re tucked away until they die, we visit a few times, then there’s the funeral.

-Americans are very selfish and self-centered. More communal cultures celebrate birth, life and death as a community. They ceremoniously and ritually remember and honor their dead loved ones and ancestors. They together embrace and take care of the sick and dying. Death is not a mystery to them, it is expected and part of the cycle of life. They respect death and the dead. Americans don’t do that. Our cemeteries are quiet forlorn places, often without visitors. We bury a loved one then go on about our business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think Death and the process of dying is shocking to Americans bc:

-Americans don’t respect death. It is a commodity. We sell and use guns. We have the NRA that worships guns that cause death, often of innocent people. Deaths are shown on the news every morning, day and night. Our tv shows and movies romanticize death. Death is nothing special until it happens to someone we personally know, then all of a sudden it’s real to us and we can’t handle the reality that a human life is really gone forever.

-Americans outsource everything, including aging parents. Our family structures are very nuclear and close extended families are not as much a thing anymore, so we are no longer involved in the daily processes of taking care of sick family members and aging elders, and helping them have a comfortable transition to death. They’re tucked away until they die, we visit a few times, then there’s the funeral.

-Americans are very selfish and self-centered. More communal cultures celebrate birth, life and death as a community. They ceremoniously and ritually remember and honor their dead loved ones and ancestors. They together embrace and take care of the sick and dying. Death is not a mystery to them, it is expected and part of the cycle of life. They respect death and the dead. Americans don’t do that. Our cemeteries are quiet forlorn places, often without visitors. We bury a loved one then go on about our business.

It's not that shocking to most Americans. People are often happy to be rid of their geriatric parents, it just isn't socially acceptable to say so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think Death and the process of dying is shocking to Americans bc:

-Americans don’t respect death. It is a commodity. We sell and use guns. We have the NRA that worships guns that cause death, often of innocent people. Deaths are shown on the news every morning, day and night. Our tv shows and movies romanticize death. Death is nothing special until it happens to someone we personally know, then all of a sudden it’s real to us and we can’t handle the reality that a human life is really gone forever.

-Americans outsource everything, including aging parents. Our family structures are very nuclear and close extended families are not as much a thing anymore, so we are no longer involved in the daily processes of taking care of sick family members and aging elders, and helping them have a comfortable transition to death. They’re tucked away until they die, we visit a few times, then there’s the funeral.

-Americans are very selfish and self-centered. More communal cultures celebrate birth, life and death as a community. They ceremoniously and ritually remember and honor their dead loved ones and ancestors. They together embrace and take care of the sick and dying. Death is not a mystery to them, it is expected and part of the cycle of life. They respect death and the dead. Americans don’t do that. Our cemeteries are quiet forlorn places, often without visitors. We bury a loved one then go on about our business.

Agree with much of this. Our culture does a very poor job of dealing with death.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry for your friends loss. Losing a parent is never easy.

I don’t see it as a shock when my friends parents die, we are 30s/40s so our parents are 60s-80s. Probably half of my friends have lost a parent. It’s part of life, like you say. Maybe you’re just much younger than me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being shocked that we will die is what is the motivator for living. We each come with a little chip that informs us with the lie that we are invincible, immortal, and special. When that tears away it's too hard to comprehend, so we invent structures
and platitudes around it,like belief systems ( religion, or everything happens for a reason, rainbow bridge, it was his time) and sometimes death defies all that. We know it, but it's too hard to believe.

For me, it was a sobering moment watching a plain unmarked van carry my neighbor, who died in his sleep, out of our street on a drizzly afternoon. No one standing around with their dog or lawnmower even knew that was him, the van and loading was obligatory and unconventional like removing a chair. Life just moves on.
Make each day count.

you are smart and i wish i knew you IRL. I wish i had someone to have these conversations with about death. My friends just want to talk about getting strong and pilates and HRT and someone they knew who got cancer at 47 and i feel like screaming - you're missing the point, nothing is promised, no day is promised, you can't outrun it. now adjust to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I’m turning to religion. I am a non practicing Muslim and am seeking out Sufism. I just cannot accept the fact that life is hard and that we are all destined to die. It sounds naive but I don’t know how to deal with it other than turning to faith.

I was shaken by Princess Kate’s diagnosis because she always seemed invincible to me. Someone with the perfect life: a loving and stable family of origin, the most prestigious family in the world as in laws, beautiful children, etc. I still cannot grapple with the fact that this shows how precarious life is, for this to happen to the most privileged of humans.

she's privileged kind of but not. her life SUCKS in many ways. when was the last time you saw a report that they all went on an amazing vacation? somewhere in a private jet? that they even went out for dinner or to see friends or for a walk? they live their life schlepping from one drizzly british event to another while the royal press machine hides any evidence of actual emotion or enjoyment or humanity from the rabid and baying press machine that, at its core, is out for her blood. she never had a great life really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think Death and the process of dying is shocking to Americans bc:

-Americans don’t respect death. It is a commodity. We sell and use guns. We have the NRA that worships guns that cause death, often of innocent people. Deaths are shown on the news every morning, day and night. Our tv shows and movies romanticize death. Death is nothing special until it happens to someone we personally know, then all of a sudden it’s real to us and we can’t handle the reality that a human life is really gone forever.

-Americans outsource everything, including aging parents. Our family structures are very nuclear and close extended families are not as much a thing anymore, so we are no longer involved in the daily processes of taking care of sick family members and aging elders, and helping them have a comfortable transition to death. They’re tucked away until they die, we visit a few times, then there’s the funeral.

-Americans are very selfish and self-centered. More communal cultures celebrate birth, life and death as a community. They ceremoniously and ritually remember and honor their dead loved ones and ancestors. They together embrace and take care of the sick and dying. Death is not a mystery to them, it is expected and part of the cycle of life. They respect death and the dead. Americans don’t do that. Our cemeteries are quiet forlorn places, often without visitors. We bury a loved one then go on about our business.

americans outsource because their jobs expect every waking hour of their lives. I lived in europe for 30 years and nowhere compares to america in terms of the expectation that you are meant to devote most waking hours to work and LIKE IT. and have a great attitude. and 'be excited' about work. other cultures, death is much more woven in. people take many more vacations. they bring their 'whole selves' to work because they can't not. it's implied everywhere in every aspect that we never know when it's our time and so why TF would you CONSTANTLY go above and beyond. and america is like 'we're the best and we have the most money'. But that fact isn't going to help you when you're on dialysis.