Sending her to school—Did I do the right thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have kept her home. You’ve clearly never been bullied.

Then what happens tomorrow? On Monday?

[Anonymous]

We carry these coping skills into adulthood. If I have a coworker who put me through the wringer yesterday, but I have a huge presentation due today, so I call in sick? Don’t perpetuate that mindset. There will ALWAYS be mean people we don’t want to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course she can’t miss finals because someone was being mean. What??

OP here. This is what I thought, but I felt terrible leaving her this morning.

I would have felt terrible, too, but sometimes, one has to do hard things. It's part of life.

My DD's friend crowd in MS dissolved towards the end of the year. All but one abandoned her. Too late to make new friend groups. She sat alone for lunch for over a week.

She went through another friend drama in 4th grade where she again, lost all of friends. Her grades tanked, and she was miserable. But she powered through, and the next year she made better friends (not the same as the ones above).

She's now a sophomore, and there is less friend drama... so far.

It's entirely possible your DD will go through another set of drama later, in HS or college. And if she does, she'll be more equipped to power through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course she can’t miss finals because someone was being mean. What??

This is more than someone being mean? The whole school admin is involved and they had to call the mom at home because DD is the victim of a smear campaign.

She is in middle school, exams don't matter, and she can make them up anyway.

I wouldn't have sent her.

Do you think she'll do well on these today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have kept her home. You’ve clearly never been bullied.

New poster here. I don't think that's fair. I was bullied because I was fat in middle school and actually was threatened by high school boys who said they'd beat me up. But those were the 70s and 80s and parents weren't having any of it, so staying home was never a question.

And I did the same thing when my son was getting bullied in high school. Made him go. The difference was I was in touch with the teachers and the assistant principals.

Every situation is unique. Including the OPs. Maybe it was a mistake to send her kid. Maybe not. And it's ok to make mistakes. OP should keep the long game in mind. What does the balance of safety, mental health, and building resilience look like for HER kid? Might not look the same as it does for yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course she can’t miss finals because someone was being mean. What??

This is more than someone being mean? The whole school admin is involved and they had to call the mom at home because DD is the victim of a smear campaign.

She is in middle school, exams don't matter, and she can make them up anyway.

I wouldn't have sent her.

Do you think she'll do well on these today.

Me again. If it was not a big deal, why would a principal of middle school call you at home?

[Anonymous]

I think you did the right thing. For one, it is finals. Missing them and then trying to makeup would have been an added stressor. But also, her not being in school I think would add to the ease and temptation of spreading rumors by these girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course she can’t miss finals because someone was being mean. What??

This is more than someone being mean? The whole school admin is involved and they had to call the mom at home because DD is the victim of a smear campaign.

She is in middle school, exams don't matter, and she can make them up anyway.

I wouldn't have sent her.

Do you think she'll do well on these today.

Me again. If it was not a big deal, why would a principal of middle school call you at home?

OP here. When I spoke to the principal she said they were only calling for transparency reasons, because they weren’t sure if DD would tell me what had happened. Their was no threat made, she was never not safe, it was just what they felt was “harassment” that they were working hard to nip in the bud, because one of the girls is a known troublemaker. I don’t argue that this was an embarrassing situation for DD, but she has her friends in her corner and I think she will be fine. Of course she didn’t want to go, she was embarrassed and scared, but to me, I just kept thinking she has to go eventually and should just rip the bandage off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you did the right thing. For one, it is finals. Missing them and then trying to makeup would have been an added stressor. But also, her not being in school I think would add to the ease and temptation of spreading rumors by these girls.

OP here. Your last sentence is part of the reason I sent her. I don’t think they are looking for a mild reaction from DD. I’m sure they were shocked to see her at school today, seemingly unbothered? I’m hoping with that they move on. But if not, I fully intend to keep her home tomorrow and reassess with the school.

[Anonymous]

People on this site drive me nuts and I never know what to take seriously.

I recently asked if it was cool to miss one day during finals for a family vacation and was challenged by nearly everyone because “tests in MS matter” and “MS isn’t like elementary where it doesn’t matter”

Yet on this, everyone is preaching that “it’s MS and finals don’t matter” ???

Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

I think you did the right thing. If not for finals, I might have let her stay home, but don't think it is wrong to send her. I probably would have said "I wish I could make this all go away and let you hide until it does, but that is not real like and hiding tells the mean girls they win every time". It is really hard to be a parent to teens and tweens sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you did the right thing. If not for finals, I might have let her stay home, but don't think it is wrong to send her. I probably would have said "I wish I could make this all go away and let you hide until it does, but that is not real like and hiding tells the mean girls they win every time". It is really hard to be a parent to teens and tweens sometimes.

Thank you. It’s so tough. I wish I had had that sentence this morning! I’ll file it away for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course she can’t miss finals because someone was being mean. What??

OP here. This is what I thought, but I felt terrible leaving her this morning.

It is middle school. Even if it was high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have kept her home. You’ve clearly never been bullied.

Agreed

[Anonymous]

What school has finals for middle school before Spring Break?

I would have let her stay home

Mental health > School