Would you look for a new team because of this?

[Anonymous]

What unhelpful comments does the coach make to you about practices and meets?

What unhelpful comments does the coach make to the kids about practices and meets?

You’ve given no specifics and from your post, it appears his comments are true, though bothersome.

If you or your kids believe that the discipline and rules don’t equally apply across the team because faster kids should have leeway or else you’ll leave, I’m guessing he’d want you to leave.

Covid was 4 years ago. Im guessing the divorce, school changes and moves were awhile ago, too, which is why things are calming down for you. When were they? Have you have unreliable routines for four years?

What are the conflicts with practice, are they constant, are there practice requirements and commitments? How frequent?

My guess is for a teen 12/13+, expectations are for good attendance, unless you’re willing to stay in a lower group. Otherwise, it’s disruptive and unfair to the other kids.

The rules apply to everyone, regardless of ability. Either you prioritize the activity or you dont. Either you can follow the team’s rules or you can’t. Either you can fix the issues or you can’t and either you can stop blaming old stressors on a current and likely long term lack of consistency…or you can’t.

Those are the questions you need to ask yourself.

[Anonymous]

Most clubs have a minimum weekly practice requirement to remain on the team, and may or may not have a requirement to attend meets. It sounds like you’re not consistently meeting that requirement, which will be an issue a most clubs. However, not all coaches will be such an a$$ about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it sounds like you need to find the right supports to "get it together" more. Whether that's carpools or better calendar management (or something else), this will be a problem at any club that you go to if your attendance is going to be so hit-or-miss as to impact your kids' training or the experiences of other swimmers on the team.

It's swim. Her kids' attendance impacts her kids. There is no team to impact

Absolutely not true. Some examples:

- A kid showing up late to practice disrupts the practice as the other kids are distracted as is the coach who has to stop practice to catch the kid up on the workout instructions
- on a very competitive team that’s hard to get into, a kid who never comes to practice is taking the spot of another kid who would love to have that opportunity
- parents who never volunteer at meets put more burden on the coaches to repeatedly beg for volunteers
- kids who sign up for meets and don’t show waste the coach’s time and the admin’s time

Etc

[Anonymous]

OP here.

This is not a super competitive team.
The kids are not late to practices. It’s more like, I’m unable to bring DC1 to practice at all because that is the time DC2 has to be dropped off at a mandatory school orchestra event. Or a work emergency arises and I’m unable to arrange an alternative ride in time. Sometimes I am able to get a carpool or get a friend to help out, sometimes not.

I’m not asking for an “out” because my kids are fast swimmers. Just wondering if it might be different somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

It’s March. Have you spoken to the coach at all this year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

This is not a super competitive team.
The kids are not late to practices. It’s more like, I’m unable to bring DC1 to practice at all because that is the time DC2 has to be dropped off at a mandatory school orchestra event. Or a work emergency arises and I’m unable to arrange an alternative ride in time. Sometimes I am able to get a carpool or get a friend to help out, sometimes not.

I’m not asking for an “out” because my kids are fast swimmers. Just wondering if it might be different somewhere else.

What is said

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it sounds like you need to find the right supports to "get it together" more. Whether that's carpools or better calendar management (or something else), this will be a problem at any club that you go to if your attendance is going to be so hit-or-miss as to impact your kids' training or the experiences of other swimmers on the team.

It's swim. Her kids' attendance impacts her kids. There is no team to impact

Actually that is not true. If the kids are late or miss practice it does effect the group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

This is not a super competitive team.
The kids are not late to practices. It’s more like, I’m unable to bring DC1 to practice at all because that is the time DC2 has to be dropped off at a mandatory school orchestra event. Or a work emergency arises and I’m unable to arrange an alternative ride in time. Sometimes I am able to get a carpool or get a friend to help out, sometimes not.

I’m not asking for an “out” because my kids are fast swimmers. Just wondering if it might be different somewhere else.

Honestly it would probably be worse if you change clubs unless it makes it much easier for you to get there. Maybe you can find a carpool. Swimming 🏊 s many times per week and it takes a village to get the kids to practices and meets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

This is not a super competitive team.
The kids are not late to practices. It’s more like, I’m unable to bring DC1 to practice at all because that is the time DC2 has to be dropped off at a mandatory school orchestra event. Or a work emergency arises and I’m unable to arrange an alternative ride in time. Sometimes I am able to get a carpool or get a friend to help out, sometimes not.

I’m not asking for an “out” because my kids are fast swimmers. Just wondering if it might be different somewhere else.

Maybe, if the somewhere else is closer to your home or work or backup drivers so that your kids aren't missing practice as much. Otherwise you're just adding another disruption to your lives and bringing the same problems to a new club.

[Anonymous]

As a single mom, I can fully relate and I only have one kid! Can’t recommend any other teams. I also understand about volunteering and, at least for me, worried that if I volunteer to time, for example, and if kid is sick, doesn’t want to spend 2 more hours at pool after last event, etc, then I will let the team down. Just do everything you can to take them to practices on-time, etc. Car pooling might work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I apologize for being blunt, but anytime someone starts with single mom/pandemic stuff and then purposefully doesn't detail what the issues are... they sound as if they don't realize how bad the issues really are for the people around them.

Are you always late to practice? Do you skip mandatory practices? Do you avoid volunteering when the culture on the team is for parents to volunteer?

I am fully prepared to take your side, OP. But your description of events is raising all sorts of red flags. And as a volunteer in many different organizations and events over the years, I can guarantee that the people who are most respected and welcomed aren't necessarily the superstars. They're the ones whom we can count on to show up and do what they said they'd do!


This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a single mom, I can fully relate and I only have one kid! Can’t recommend any other teams. I also understand about volunteering and, at least for me, worried that if I volunteer to time, for example, and if kid is sick, doesn’t want to spend 2 more hours at pool after last event, etc, then I will let the team down. Just do everything you can to take them to practices on-time, etc. Car pooling might work.

+1 on carpooling. This is one way that I've seen parents share the burden of getting their kids to practice on time. Work and traffic can be unpredictable around here. While coaches can be understanding, they have an entire team they need to manage and can't make exceptions for one swimmer (even if that swimmer is really fast).

[Anonymous]

You need to reach out to the coach and say the comments are upsetting your kids. This is not Covid related. Just tell the, the family situation has changed and you are doing the best you can and apologize for being late. Maybe a team with different times would be better, see if you can carpool or have the other parent pitch in more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

This is not a super competitive team.
The kids are not late to practices. It’s more like, I’m unable to bring DC1 to practice at all because that is the time DC2 has to be dropped off at a mandatory school orchestra event. Or a work emergency arises and I’m unable to arrange an alternative ride in time. Sometimes I am able to get a carpool or get a friend to help out, sometimes not.

I’m not asking for an “out” because my kids are fast swimmers. Just wondering if it might be different somewhere else.

Talk to the coaches. We miss swim for orchestra but on the lowest level team and coaches are great. If it’s extended periods of time we just email but, in this situation you need to figure it out better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will speak as a coach. If you are consistently late to practice it is disruptive to the other swimmers and rude to the coach. When a swimmer is late the coach now needs to repeat the instructions and demonstration and this takes away from the group. One child is eating the resources of the group.

Missing practice for me is not as big of a deal as showing up late.

This