Please help me understand my husband…

[Anonymous]

90% of the SAHMs do too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I (OP) am not aware of him having a drink more than three nights a week (1 glass of wine/time). Obviously I am not stalking him so I can’t comment on what he does when we are not together, but I grew up with an alcoholic father so I do know the signs (outside of actual usage) well.

It’s just an expensive habit and yes, not healthy. He had a blood test recently and promised without me saying anything that he would stop the liquor even a night or two a week. As far as I know, he has.

Are you for real? The guy has 1 drink 3 nights a week and you are on him to stop? Good lord. The stress he is getting from you micromanaging him is probably worse for him than 3 drinks a week.

I've found that it is often not the alcohol that is driving the relaxation, but rather a conditioned response. As soon as the first sip, someone feels relaxed. Alcohol doesn't work that quickly or in that small a dose. It is a conditioned response because it has traditionally meant that the work day is over. If that's all it is, let the guy have his one drink.

[Anonymous]

There’s a difference between habit and addiction. I “need” my white noise machine to sleep, does that mean I’m a noiseaholic?

[Anonymous]

I haven’t mentioned it to him because I don’t see it as a health problem necessarily. It’s not my business if it’s not a problem.

A lot of the PPs on this site must think that spouses can’t have independent thoughts that they don’t talk about openly.

I actually agreed with DH when he voluntarily switched to wine.

Oh, and I don’t join him because I don’t want to drink 3 times a week and I have other ways to relax.

It’s just a mildly annoying habit but everyone has one.

[Anonymous]

OP again- I don’t want to drink because of what the PP who mentioned all the sugar in alcohol was talking about. I don’t think my spouse would want that, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I (OP) am not aware of him having a drink more than three nights a week (1 glass of wine/time). Obviously I am not stalking him so I can’t comment on what he does when we are not together, but I grew up with an alcoholic father so I do know the signs (outside of actual usage) well.

It’s just an expensive habit and yes, not healthy. He had a blood test recently and promised without me saying anything that he would stop the liquor even a night or two a week. As far as I know, he has.

Are you for real? The guy has 1 drink 3 nights a week and you are on him to stop? Good lord. The stress he is getting from you micromanaging him is probably worse for him than 3 drinks a week.

The mystery is not why OP’s DH needs a drink to relax.

The mystery is how one is enough.

[Anonymous]

My H has severe anxiety and no SSI ever worked.

He has 1 glass of some drink, usually scotch or whiskey each night.

Why don't other things work, IDK, but this does work.

Also he is going to look into CBD but hasn't yet.

[Anonymous]

Look, I have a marriage that was entered into on the premise that drinking would be pretty rare for us. We don’t drink at home and maybe have 10 drinks in an entire year at celebrations, etc. So, if my husband started drinking 3 drinks a week, I would be quite concerned.

But even I, who believes that alcohol usage generally is problematic think it is nuts that you suddenly seem upset about this. You sound ridiculous to think he should change some behavior at this point. I mean, sure bacon is unhealthy. But, if my husband ate 2 slices of bacon three times a week since I met him, I would not suddenly be harping all over him to quit.

[Anonymous]

Try yoga.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's an alcoholic, sorry.

And you can't change or help an alcoholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, I have a marriage that was entered into on the premise that drinking would be pretty rare for us. We don’t drink at home and maybe have 10 drinks in an entire year at celebrations, etc. So, if my husband started drinking 3 drinks a week, I would be quite concerned.

But even I, who believes that alcohol usage generally is problematic think it is nuts that you suddenly seem upset about this. You sound ridiculous to think he should change some behavior at this point. I mean, sure bacon is unhealthy. But, if my husband ate 2 slices of bacon three times a week since I met him, I would not suddenly be harping all over him to quit.

You are projecting onto the question your own emotions. Nowhere did I state that I expect him to change his behavior.

[Anonymous]

The reason I am more curious about this habit than concerned is that I grew up in a household with multigenerational alcoholism. Those who did not develop alcoholism developed a rude judgmental attitude towards anything but total abstinence (well, most of them did). I am trying to empathize and I thank those who provided some insight. I do think his drinks are helping him navigate stress/a recent life change but he seems to be navigating it with moderation. This is just one of those things I don’t have to do myself to learn to accept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's an alcoholic, sorry.

Are you in a position of authority to diagnose his condition? Are you certified to diagnose his condition?

DP. I am a board certified psychiatrist. Alcoholism is a not a slur. It is a real, chronic illness with a strong genetic component that causes multi-organ damage and end organ failure in late stages. There are specific treatments and medical interventions available to treat it.

There is nothing the OP has said that indicates that her husband is an alcoholic.

I am a psych nurse and came here to say the same thing. Based on the information provided he does not meet the criteria for being at risk for organ damage. Also look at how his alcohol consumption impacts his ability to work and maintain relationships. Any dui’s dwi’s ? Any issues with family dynamics or interactions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's an alcoholic, sorry.

Are you in a position of authority to diagnose his condition? Are you certified to diagnose his condition?

DP. I am a board certified psychiatrist. Alcoholism is a not a slur. It is a real, chronic illness with a strong genetic component that causes multi-organ damage and end organ failure in late stages. There are specific treatments and medical interventions available to treat it.

There is nothing the OP has said that indicates that her husband is an alcoholic.

I am a psych nurse and came here to say the same thing. Based on the information provided he does not meet the criteria for being at risk for organ damage. Also look at how his alcohol consumption impacts his ability to work and maintain relationships. Any dui’s dwi’s ? Any issues with family dynamics or interactions?

No, none at all. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, your husband is a normal human being. I hope you find a way to cope.


Life is hard. Alcohol is sacramental.