Why do college students left out of bar-hopping get sympathy, but not college students left out of graduation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've heard lots of people tell stories about how they or their children didn't turn 21 until halfway through their senior year, and how terrible it was to be left out and not be able to go out with their friends. However, whenever I tell people about how my son will be graduating this spring after 5 years while he had to watch all his friends graduate last spring, it gets brushed off by everyone, even those who simultaneously think that they or their kid had it rough by not being able to go to bars with their friends. I understand that there are much bigger problems in the world than social isolation. What I don't understand is why it's understandable to feel left out when your friends go to bars without you, but not when your friends graduate without you.

Who tf talks or thinks about any of this

Enmeshed people

[Anonymous]

I don't know if sympathy is the right word, but good for your child for sticking with college even though it was clearly difficult for them.

[Anonymous]

Have to wonder what you were drinking when you posted this?

[Anonymous]

Who is giving a ton of sympathy to kids who don’t get to go to bars?

[Anonymous]

It’s understandable that he and you are disappointed that he didn’t get to walk with his class, but that’s the natural consequence of “not doing well on exams.”

[Anonymous]

Plenty of college kids have fake IDs and drink before 21.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your child is either in a 5 year program or was too lazy to graduate in 4. Either way it was their choice.

He signed up for a full load every semester, showed up to every class, and always turned in his assignments on time. He just didn't do well on the exams.

Literally anyone can sign up to a class, show up to a class, and turn in assignments on time. Failing exams suggests that he either wasn't working hard enough, or was not intelligent enough to be doing this course. Neither merits sympathy.

How does being born with low intelligence through no fault of your own not warrant sympathy?

[Anonymous]

Are you… saying that, much like a group of friends deciding where to go out Saturday night, the entire class of 2024 should decline to attend their commencement exercises in sympathy with your son, who doesn’t want to be left behind?

[Anonymous]

It’s hard to watch your kid being left out. Both situations aren’t pleasant in the least but also both are fixable. I wish your son a happy and successful graduation in 2025!

[Anonymous]

Neither get any sympathy.

Troll

[Anonymous]

People assume he wasn’t studying hard enough, which he has some control over. My roommate who got into Harvard law was studying until bedtime every Friday night, all year.

Those other kids have zero control over their birthday.

[Anonymous]

Do you want sympathy because your kid is dumb or because they never made more friends after last year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither situation needs an overload of sympathy.

Honestly, people these days are conditioned to complain and seek validation. They focus on the negative all the time. Op, I get you have some feelings about your kid graduating in 5 instead of 4. Your friends are not required to understand and validate you over and over again. Perhaps you can get a therapist to help you process it.

I know I sound cold in this post, I’m not usually a cold person, I’m just getting kind of fed up with everyone vocally focusing on negativity.

+1

I have never heard of anyone giving sympathy for an underage person who feels left out about not going to bars. Maybe the student feels bad for a second, but most just deal with it because that’s life. Same with graduating in 5 years. OP, you and your child need to look at this as an opportunity to foster resiliency and growth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've heard lots of people tell stories about how they or their children didn't turn 21 until halfway through their senior year, and how terrible it was to be left out and not be able to go out with their friends. However, whenever I tell people about how my son will be graduating this spring after 5 years while he had to watch all his friends graduate last spring, it gets brushed off by everyone, even those who simultaneously think that they or their kid had it rough by not being able to go to bars with their friends. I understand that there are much bigger problems in the world than social isolation. What I don't understand is why it's understandable to feel left out when your friends go to bars without you, but not when your friends graduate without you.

Who tf talks or thinks about any of this

This, and these days does anyone not turn 21 until halfway through senior year? Almost everyone should be 21 by September (although I understand there might be a few outliers that skipped a grade).

Plus these situations are entirely different. I knew lots of people in engineering majors that took longer than 4 years to graduate, and they didn’t seem upset about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've heard lots of people tell stories about how they or their children didn't turn 21 until halfway through their senior year, and how terrible it was to be left out and not be able to go out with their friends. However, whenever I tell people about how my son will be graduating this spring after 5 years while he had to watch all his friends graduate last spring, it gets brushed off by everyone, even those who simultaneously think that they or their kid had it rough by not being able to go to bars with their friends. I understand that there are much bigger problems in the world than social isolation. What I don't understand is why it's understandable to feel left out when your friends go to bars without you, but not when your friends graduate without you.

Who tf talks or thinks about any of this

This, and these days does anyone not turn 21 until halfway through senior year? Almost everyone should be 21 by September (although I understand there might be a few outliers that skipped a grade).

Plus these situations are entirely different. I knew lots of people in engineering majors that took longer than 4 years to graduate, and they didn’t seem upset about it.

I was surprised that OP knows that many people who turn 21 during their senior year. The youngest person I knew in college turned 21 in August. I turned 21 in November of my junior year, but neither wanted nor got any sympathy for not being able to bring my younger friends to the bar. It's very silly to care about who gives you sympathy and for what.