Husband breaking my trust

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he DGAF about dinner, the daycare teachers, and the kid activity. Men do what's important to them, that's the bottom line.

OP said he was in his car at 540. So 10 whole minutes. It isn't a big deal.

depends. Does the daycare close at 6? If so, then it's a big deal. Now, you're making them stay longer because you are late. Your poor kids are the last to leave.

If closing is not 6, and he doesn't do this often, let it go, OP. You are both working parents, and sometimes, things don't go as planned. You just have to work around it.

If, however, it's a weekly issue, you need to figure out a different way to handle this.

He could do drop offs, and you the pickups. He could help prep dinner the night before (I'm not hopeful that he'd actually do this, though).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for this guy.
I am exhausted just reading this and the poor guy has to live with this.

+1000

[Anonymous]

So once a week he's 10 minutes late? Your kids will live. If you won't, then switch and do pickups and let him do drop-offs.

But this is not a trust issue the way you're making it out to be. One does not hang up on their boss because "I promised my wife I'd leave at 5:30 to pick up the kids and she has a history of anxious attachment from her family of origin ...."

[Anonymous]

I get it. It's maddening when people are unreliable, especially with a task he volunteered for. It's like he told OP what she wanted to hear, but didn't think it through or intend to live up to it. It's hard to organize a family when the other adult is not reliable and doesn't plan well.

Realistically he's unlikely to draw a hard line at work, so OP needs a different task to have him do.

[Anonymous]

Overreacting.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you are overreacting, this would make me very anxious too. Does this push into a late pickup as far as the daycare is concerned? Does this put your children at risk of sitting there waiting after the other kids have all been picked up? Because that is not at all acceptable. If that is not an issue, and it is just a question of getting together for dinner, then something has to give there. I'm not understanding why you only have 15 mins for dinner. Do you have to leave for a night shift or something? It sounds like something has got to give in your family schedule, whether he is messing up pick up time or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it. It's maddening when people are unreliable, especially with a task he volunteered for. It's like he told OP what she wanted to hear, but didn't think it through or intend to live up to it. It's hard to organize a family when the other adult is not reliable and doesn't plan well.

Realistically he's unlikely to draw a hard line at work, so OP needs a different task to have him do.

+1000

I do NOT think you're overreacting. Staying on schedule with young kids is so difficult and having a reliable partner is necessary. He broke his agreement and that intensified your anxiety. This must be a regular occurrence or I doubt you would be so worried about the time he left. Sorry I don't have answers and as other have said I don't think he will change. I hope you find a way to break this cycle.

[Anonymous]

Breaking your trust is him telling you he’s somewhere else other than at his mistress’s house banging her like a screen door. That’s breaking trust and lying. 🤷‍♂️

[Anonymous]

Does he wfh? It sounds like you are watching over his shoulder, so I assume so.

Why don't you do pick up and he does dinner?

[Anonymous]

OP, this would drive me nuts, but I would encourage you not to frame this as a trust issue. True trust issues are relationship damaging, and this shouldn't be.

It sounds like your DH is wfh and is needs to plan better. Calls can be taken from the car. If that can't happen maybe switch with DH although then I suspect they'll be an issue getting dinner on the table unless he takes that over.

[Anonymous]

Once his boss fires him for walking out mid convo, he'll be able to do drop-off and pickup!

[Anonymous]

He needs to tell his boss about the new leave work promptly at5:30 plan if he has any hope of that plan being successful. If you can’t rely on him to pick kids up on time, you need to switch: you handle pick up, he handles dinner (I’m assuming he WFH)

[Anonymous]

1. You are overreacting and need to apologize to him.

2. Perhaps you need to trade pickup and dropoff.


3. If you only have 15 minutes of family time a day you probably need to revamp your schedules. I'm going to guess your kids have an unrealistic bedtime routine that could be shortened or they could be put to bed just a dad later, but I suspect you are rigid about that.


4. You need to fix your effing issues. Your anxiety or your childhood isn't your husband's falt and it's not his job to fix or heal you. Get a therapist. Get on meds if you have to. But stop with the tantrums, the ultimatums the love tests and rigid control.

[Anonymous]

overreacting as long as he is not picking up late from daycare, late as in they are closed and he didn’t pick up.

Stop being so anxious and controlling because of you don’t your marriage and kids will be miserable

[Anonymous]

NP. If your job is more flexible, you need to switch back to picking up the kids yourself. You can't have stress about pick-up every day.

If you are that concerned about the equitable distribution of chores, he can pick up more errands on the weekend.

The way you are handling things, you are causing too much stress. It makes your children anxious, and you are headed for divorce.