ASD Parents - do you have people over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guest, my only "issue" would be with her interrupting conversation and demanding explanations. But I know kids who are like that and while it's annoying it only really bothers me if the parents consistently indulge the child instead of at least trying to shit it down.

Otherwise, can you explain more about why it's a problem that she won't play board games or video games?

She demands our attention much of the time but won’t take part in typical group activities.

I guess what I'm getting at is why do you need her to take part in group activities?

Or are you looking for advice on how to teach her that she can't demand your attention if she doesn't want to participate?

We’ve tried that. We’re working on that. I am unsure anyone would want to come over to our house and be with us as we work on that.

[Anonymous]

My DS, 17, has a rare disease that comes with behavioral issues, medical conditions and a developmental disability. We have had an aide who’s been with us for years so that helps us to have a social life, do things with our other son and just in general have a break from all he demands.

That said, when we do take him out places we know that he has a certain time limit and he’s done (especially in the evening). He actually goes to bed relatively early for his age but he’s tired.

[Anonymous]

In the world’s worst parenting award, is she willing to get absorbed in screen time? Not gonna lie that I definitely whip it out for things like this announcing things like here’s the screen gorge yourself! I also do this when we fly with my neurotypical children too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find a behaviorist who can help you.

Who does this and how did you find them? Can you describe basic guidelines and boundaries that you established in your home with the help of the behaviorist you worked with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband and I are outgoing and social. Late diagnosed ASD kid has relatively low support needs but is also super rigid and attention seeking.

I miss friends. I miss having people over. I can’t figure out how to do it in our small house without triggering our kid.

She won’t play board games or video games or games with rules. She won’t watch movies. She inserts herself into every conversation demanding explanations even when it’s not relevant to her. She binges good food put out for guests.

She’s beloved and exhausting and I was raised around enough perfectionism that I can’t figure out how to be a good host while also tending to her needs so I just never have people over. It’s lonely.

Our house is reasonably clean and well decorated. My husband is a great cook. We miss friends.

How do other people manage this? Clearly we need more friends with neurodiverse kids who get it. Working on that.

Same boat. Small gatherings only. Lots of warning and time to recover afterwards. It’s 100% ok for kid to leave the table, retreat to room, etc.

Holidays are a real bummer but we do what we need to do.

ND or parents of ND friends helps so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the world’s worst parenting award, is she willing to get absorbed in screen time? Not gonna lie that I definitely whip it out for things like this announcing things like here’s the screen gorge yourself! I also do this when we fly with my neurotypical children too!

I second this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the world’s worst parenting award, is she willing to get absorbed in screen time? Not gonna lie that I definitely whip it out for things like this announcing things like here’s the screen gorge yourself! I also do this when we fly with my neurotypical children too!

I know this is meant to be tongue in cheek….but I already feel like I am smashing the “world’s worst parent” competition. No need to lay it on any further.

[Anonymous]

Would you consider respite care?

Weekends at Jill’s House is a great program. It will give everyone space and time for the family to socialize.

There are other programs like this in the area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guest, my only "issue" would be with her interrupting conversation and demanding explanations. But I know kids who are like that and while it's annoying it only really bothers me if the parents consistently indulge the child instead of at least trying to shit it down.

Otherwise, can you explain more about why it's a problem that she won't play board games or video games?

She demands our attention much of the time but won’t take part in typical group activities.

I guess what I'm getting at is why do you need her to take part in group activities?

Or are you looking for advice on how to teach her that she can't demand your attention if she doesn't want to participate?

We’ve tried that. We’re working on that. I am unsure anyone would want to come over to our house and be with us as we work on that.

How old is your child?

I have an ASD child, and I don't have people over all the time as I'm an introvert, but I never hesitate to invite who I want to over. She loves having people over and it's my house. Yes, she also constantly interrupts and she is hyper, but your friends that love you, won't mind the behaviors of your child, unless they are extreme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you consider respite care?

Weekends at Jill’s House is a great program. It will give everyone space and time for the family to socialize.

There are other programs like this in the area.

Jill’s House is for children with severe intellectual disabilities. It doesn’t sound like OP’s daughter is in that category.

[Anonymous]

No. God no. Never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a sign of a larger issue. You are allowing your special need kiddo to hold your family hostage. For years we let our ASD kiddo do the same. We started to break the cycle in middle school and wish I had done it sooner. The truth is she will never live independently if you allow this to continue. You are going to implement some behavioral guidelines and boundaries for her. The sooner the better. I know this sound hard and harsh but its critical for all of you. You CAN do it. Find a behaviorist who can help you. She needs to understand that in life she is not the center of the universe and if she acts like this in the real world she will never have a job, live independently etc. It won't be easy and you will have to endure tantrums etc as you transition from being controlled by her to forcing her to aceept the rules/boundaries but its so important for you and for her.

What’s a kiddo?

Not to threadjack, but this response made me laugh out loud. I agree--the term "kiddo" is so disrespectful and infantalizing--it really sets off a red flag for me about practitioners who use this term in reference to my child.

[Anonymous]

OP, perhaps a sitter or a separate special day trip somewhere fun with another family member?

Btw, some people just love to binge on good food laid out for the guests - I have a spouse who will absolutely do it and resent why he is not fed that daily. I wouldn't make it out a character flaw in an SN child.

[Anonymous]

I would start out small with your closest most tolerant friends for a short period of time (appetizers only or a mid afternoon ice cream hour.) Prep your kid extensively, role play beforehand so she can practice not interrupting and praise her for any positive glimmer of anything. Would a new sensory toy hold her attention for a bit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guest, my only "issue" would be with her interrupting conversation and demanding explanations. But I know kids who are like that and while it's annoying it only really bothers me if the parents consistently indulge the child instead of at least trying to shit it down.

Otherwise, can you explain more about why it's a problem that she won't play board games or video games?

She demands our attention much of the time but won’t take part in typical group activities.

I guess what I'm getting at is why do you need her to take part in group activities?

Or are you looking for advice on how to teach her that she can't demand your attention if she doesn't want to participate?

We’ve tried that. We’re working on that. I am unsure anyone would want to come over to our house and be with us as we work on that.

How old is your child?

I have an ASD child, and I don't have people over all the time as I'm an introvert, but I never hesitate to invite who I want to over. She loves having people over and it's my house. Yes, she also constantly interrupts and she is hyper, but your friends that love you, won't mind the behaviors of your child, unless they are extreme.

Op here. Child is 11. Only recently diagnosed. But things have been hard for a long time. She does not have an intellectual disability. She’s actually very bright. It’s part of the challenge and why she thinks she always should be part of adult conversations. PDA profile resonates a lot.