College student floundering re how to find a summer internship or job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been trying to help our kids and not finding much, apparently we don’t have the right friends. DS has send out tons of applications through the college but nothing has come up yet.

+1 DC is feeling discouraged about it all, but I told DC that it's not really usual for freshman to get an internship in their field. They've had a retail job for 2 years now, so that's probably what they will continue with in the summer.

[Anonymous]

If they are a freshman, getting “regular” summer job can be beneficial for scoring an internship the next year. Both my kids worked as cashier at the local grocery store chain the summer between freshman and sophomore year. It gave them experience. The next would be to find a professor who needs work done disputing the year that can be an internship. That helps too. Great grades help and going to the fall career fairs their sophomore year and filling out as many applications as they can. Parent’s employers often have internships for employee’s children too - look there to see how competitive they are.

[Anonymous]

OP - It might be wise to use this summer between freshman and sophomre year in college to make the student more appealing for an internship position in college or in summers between. Consider what avenues may enhance your individual student's options such as seeking volunteer work in the area of interest, taking a skills based college or possible workshop directly related to a possible internship - a language, a computer program, a summer cooking or arts workshop for adults, or a limited summer experience that might involve both using a language or other skills and in a different setting in the USA or say Latin America. If you have a daughter, one might consider looking for a sitter position (part-time) for a child or teen with special needs as this experience could be applied to many different areas such as a career in teaching, medicine, nursing or any of the related therapies. ( A fellow could also do this.) The idea is to help them realte something they do in the summer to a career interest if possible to get an internship. I have been hiring college students for 20 years now do something weekly in the community with our daughter and have helped write recommendations for graduate school in teaching and related therapies, law school, local scholarships at the university, summer internships etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The idea of making your kid flounder so that it will teach them to pull it together is based in the flawed belief that people should be “self-made” and pull themselves up “from their bootstraps”. Failing and figuring it out does contribute to growth, absolutely. But most of the people around you who meet all the hallmarks of traditionally defined success (money, nice house, nice cars…) just didn’t get there on their own, no matter how much they want you (or themselves) to believe it. There is so much hidden support that it makes everyone else believe that if their kids don’t flounder and figure it out themselves, they’ll never figure it out like all of these self-made successful people.

Here’s the truth. A very, very small percentage are truly self-made. The others also work hard, but they (rightly) take advantage of all the opportunities afforded to them to get a leg up and start the race already ahead of the rest. Because life can be hard. Parents pay for college or pay off their loans, give large sums for down payments, help with major home renovations, and generally find ways to transfer wealth before it becomes inheritance, they call in contacts to help with a first job, pay for multi-generational family vacations, give them their “old” car which happens to be a BMW/Mercedes/Lexus. I know, because I am now one of them. Married into a family with wealth and it is so, so eye-opening.

I, and many others, falsely believed that smarts, hard work, risk-taking, and perseverance in the face of hardship is what led to others’ success. Nope. It was actually being able to live rent-free in their parent’s NYC apartment while they fearlessly built their careers and saved a sh*t ton of money.




I’m teaching my kids the values of hard work and perseverance. I let them make minor mistakes that have no consequence other than a bruised ego that comes with a good life lesson. But I will make sure a financial and emotional support follows them wherever they go. And they should never be ashamed of it.

Thank you this is so true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wants something other than retail or barista type position, but seems not to really know how to go about it. I could get involved and help, both by identifying opportunities and helping kid craft applications, and by reaching out to my own networks. But maybe better to just let DC flounder and hopefully figure it out? DC is very smart but has ADHD, and really struggles to get it together to do the research, get applications in, etc.

Is he your stepchild? You don't have to pretend that you care when you don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The idea of making your kid flounder so that it will teach them to pull it together is based in the flawed belief that people should be “self-made” and pull themselves up “from their bootstraps”. Failing and figuring it out does contribute to growth, absolutely. But most of the people around you who meet all the hallmarks of traditionally defined success (money, nice house, nice cars…) just didn’t get there on their own, no matter how much they want you (or themselves) to believe it. There is so much hidden support that it makes everyone else believe that if their kids don’t flounder and figure it out themselves, they’ll never figure it out like all of these self-made successful people.

Here’s the truth. A very, very small percentage are truly self-made. The others also work hard, but they (rightly) take advantage of all the opportunities afforded to them to get a leg up and start the race already ahead of the rest. Because life can be hard. Parents pay for college or pay off their loans, give large sums for down payments, help with major home renovations, and generally find ways to transfer wealth before it becomes inheritance, they call in contacts to help with a first job, pay for multi-generational family vacations, give them their “old” car which happens to be a BMW/Mercedes/Lexus. I know, because I am now one of them. Married into a family with wealth and it is so, so eye-opening.

I, and many others, falsely believed that smarts, hard work, risk-taking, and perseverance in the face of hardship is what led to others’ success. Nope. It was actually being able to live rent-free in their parent’s NYC apartment while they fearlessly built their careers and saved a sh*t ton of money.




I’m teaching my kids the values of hard work and perseverance. I let them make minor mistakes that have no consequence other than a bruised ego that comes with a good life lesson. But I will make sure a financial and emotional support follows them wherever they go. And they should never be ashamed of it.

+1 to all of this. My DH and I were both truly "self made," but we are happy to give our kids the support we never had. I initially had the attitude that they needed to find their own opportunities, but then it became very clear in our circles that you're doing your kids a disservice if you aren't helping them. They still learn a ton about how to apply for jobs and correspond with adults in the working world, but we can get their foot in the door and provide guidance along the way.

As for financial support, we've never provided our kids an "allowance" (after college), but we have provided support along the way along the lines of your examples -- give the kids our "old" cars, set up college funds for the grandkids, etc. If everything goes as planned, they should inherit a tidy sum of money when we're gone. I think it's better to help them now when they need it more and we can see them enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

the time for this was in the fall. now ... good luck.

[Anonymous]

I will speak out of 3 sides of my mouth:

1. If you have some connection, use it help your kid get a summer internship. You do realize that a Summer internship can be 3 months or 1 month...it doesn't matter. Your kid will list the company and the job and say Summer 2024...it's the fact they have something of "substance" in the area where they want a FT job...I am doing this for my HS kid with a client company. They have some random projects that are "nice to have"...but they aren't going to pay a FT person to work on them, so they actually lend themselves to a reasonably intelligent, motivated HS or college kid.

2. I don't understand why everyone feels the need to subsidize their adult children. Did your parents give you all this $$$ to make a house downpayment, or fund your kids' 529s?

3. Regarding #2...don't be shocked when your kids are the entitled, lazy Gen Z kids that everyone likes to lambast. If they are expecting a handout from you, then that is how they will live their lives. Go check out the Career and Jobs posts.

OP...help your kid get an internship if you can, but also give them a kick-in-the-pants to not expect this all the time.

[Anonymous]

My college kid has done the following since the first year to get internships. Of course, this is anecdata so take what you want out of it.

- Starts applying in September. Applies to around 100 - 150 places. It is a numbers game, especially if you do not have connections. Expects 1 or 2 interviews.
- Has an ongoing database of places he has applied to, listings he sees through the year, the names of the contact person etc.
- Has a portfolio of his work on an online site that he continues adding to. He is improving his skills all the time. He is a CS major.
- Asks his professors their advice how to stand out in class to become student they would be happy to recommend. Keeps in touch with his mentors and previous PIs.
- Maintains his resume and LinkedIn. Maintains a brag sheet, as most recommenders want one.
- Gets excellent grades, is engaged and participates in the classroom, dresses well, is respectful to his professors.

[Anonymous]

How will floundering teach your child to succeed at this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an ADHD kid who can be a little shy at times.

I've received two generous offers of introductions after people asked me what my college kid is studying. I would love for DC to have these conversations but they just won't do it.

The best approach would be to warm up relationships now and start meeting people, but DC still needs to mature before they will be ready to do that.

So, OP, I would also think about warming up relationships for the future as well as for the immediate need you all have now. The best time to reach out to people is when you don't immediately need something from them.

Agree, so true. Don't burn any bridges, OP. What is your DC studying? Do you know anyone who has been in that field for many years, and is well connected? Is your DC a good student? What kind of grades? It would well be worth having people on your side who might be in your DC's industry. If not, your DC can start at their career office.

[Anonymous]

I think next summer will be better. I've been trying to help the daughter of a friend from another state find a DC internship, and not enough people are back in the office yet, and this young lady won't have nice enough housing to stay in it all day for a virtual internship. So it's a bit of a challenge.

[Anonymous]

My kid searched the internet for internships over the holiday break. The US government , for example, has many. But it is late now.

He or she should make an immediate appointment with their college’s career center. They undoubtedly have databases (of alum, Past internship locations, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wants something other than retail or barista type position, but seems not to really know how to go about it. I could get involved and help, both by identifying opportunities and helping kid craft applications, and by reaching out to my own networks. But maybe better to just let DC flounder and hopefully figure it out? DC is very smart but has ADHD, and really struggles to get it together to do the research, get applications in, etc.

It might be a bit late for a summer job in 2024. My son who studies at an Ivy League did not apply early enough in his freshman year. He found a partner sales position in a major retail store. He ended up earning money and gaining experience in sales. This experience helped him apply early for an internship the following year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wants something other than retail or barista type position, but seems not to really know how to go about it. I could get involved and help, both by identifying opportunities and helping kid craft applications, and by reaching out to my own networks. But maybe better to just let DC flounder and hopefully figure it out? DC is very smart but has ADHD, and really struggles to get it together to do the research, get applications in, etc.

You can decide what you will help with in terms of job searching but your kid has ADHD. Their biggest benefit is learning and practicing those executive functioning skills that are missing. Think about an executive functioning coach.