My beloved father is dying

[Anonymous]

My deepest condolences. My father passed very quickly after his cancer diagnosis. I don’t think there is a normal in these situations. Take care of yourself and allow others to take care of you as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I feel numb! It feels strange and unreal that I am this ok with watching the sudden decline in my father’s health due to end stage cancer.

We are very close. I know this will destroy me yet I cannot seem to access any feelings right now.

Is this normal?

It is, and I’m very sorry. My father passed the end of December, and you have a greater awareness of your shock than I did. I was in total auto-pilot because I was his caregiver with a terminal illness. His actual death hit me like a ton of bricks. It’s still very difficult.

It will be okay, I promise. Give him a hug, hold his hand, and tell him how much you love him. He will be at peace, and you will survive his death. Just be kind to yourself, and the weeks after as you try to process this change. It will get hard, and one day when you think of him you’ll smile instead of cry. He’s very lucky to have you. I’ll pray for you both. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father died in hospice this morning after fighting brain cancer for months. What you’re feeling is totally normal. I’m so sorry.

I’m the poster whose father passed on December. I’m so truly sorry. Please take care of you.

[Anonymous]

Big hugs to everyone who has lost their beloved fathers. Mine died very quickly of liver cancer when I was 19 years old. It totally destroyed my family. I was so close to him and he was my world. We were shell-shocked for years.

OP - feel whatever you need to feel and don't let anyone tell you how you should grieve. It has been 40 years and not a day goes by that I don't think of my dad and miss him like crazy. He never met my DH, or his three grandchildren. My mother grieved him the rest of her life (she was only 45 when he died) and never even dated anyone after his death.

I send you all of my thoughts and support. Lean on those you love. Cancer SUCKS!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I feel numb! It feels strange and unreal that I am this ok with watching the sudden decline in my father’s health due to end stage cancer.

We are very close. I know this will destroy me yet I cannot seem to access any feelings right now.

Is this normal?

My father just finished chemo for cancer, OP. My mother asked us to limit contact during the months of chemo, because our kids have been sick so very much of these past months. It was torture not to see him in person and just talk on the phone.

The chemo was very successful, but he is so weak now. I know our time is limited. I keep wondering why I'm not crying all the time. When I am with him, I try to focus on being present for him and enjoying our time together. But when I'm not with him, I know I'm functioning in denial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father died in hospice this morning after fighting brain cancer for months. What you’re feeling is totally normal. I’m so sorry.

Hugs to you. I’m so sorry.

[Anonymous]

I had the same experience when my mom was in hospice. I think it was a defense mechanism. We were very close. She was the single most supportive person in my life and I am still grieving many years later. I just loved her so much and the longing to see her again is so powerful. But in those final days and even at the funeral, I felt so numb.

I’m sorry for what you’re experiencing.

[Anonymous]

I am very sorry to hear about your Father OP (along w/the others who posted their losses 💔.)

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m going through a very similar situation. Hugs.

I lack interest in everything I used to like, and feel kind of heavy emotionally. Then I’ve also suddenly ugly cried at work twice. I think all of this is part of the grief process. I just wrote all that to say grief is not just tears, but slogging through a lot of hard days.

It’s beautiful how much you love your dad, and that you get to be there for him.

I’ve been helped by this thread. Wishing you the best, OP.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I’m crumbling today. My father’s declining so fast. I can’t bear this. I don’t think I can survive!

[Anonymous]

Yes it’s normal. I’m so sorry. My dad’s last week on earth I prayed almost constantly for his release from pain. I couldn’t believe that I was praying for my dad to die. I love him so much, but you will get through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’m crumbling today. My father’s declining so fast. I can’t bear this. I don’t think I can survive!

You can op, you can. Be strong for him. Sit with him, hold his hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Normal.

I'm the youngest of 3. My dad was my best friend. I love that man so much. I saw him often. My kids adored him. He was so supportive and present at all times. He could make any situation better--and always had you laughing til you cried at your worst moments. I knew he was always there for us. Unconditionally. He was my 'go-to' person. A fountain of knowledge on everything.

It was SOOOO hard to watch him die from cancer. And the entire time he was so strong and worried about everyone else--never complained, still funny, etc.

It has been 6 years since his death. I can now think of him and smile and not fall apart. I get sad when he is missing milestones that he would have relished--particularly with his grandsons who he adored and they adored him,,,their successes, upcoming graduation, etc.

I am amazed I gave his eulogy without crying. It was the one last thing I could do to honor him. I also found that since I grieved so long ahead of time--the sicker he got..that it was eventually easier when it did happen.

I look for signs everywhere. I get them, some pretty crazy that can't be 'coincidence' and I take heart that he still 'sees' and I am so thankful I had him as a dad.

I wish you peace, OP. I hope he doesn't suffer.

This is lovely. He sounded like a great man.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I mostly feel numb.

[Anonymous]

I'm very sorry, OP. I think what you're feeling can be normal. Just make sure to seek help when it finally comes to surface.