‘OK, since you need to know now, the answer is no’

[Anonymous]

Perfect response. I can’t figure out why you’re posting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is brilliant.

This. He's handling this very well.

[Anonymous]

It's suspect that OP posted frankly. Maybe she just wanted to brag about how supportive her husband is? I can't imagine how she read his draft and didn't immediately think "perfect. thank you honey." Agree with a PP that something is off...

[Anonymous]

Don't be that annoying woman who has to "discuss" everything. DH gave the perfect response. Set boundaries and hold to them. Like with a toddler. You don't negotiate.

[Anonymous]

Like you, unless it’s a complex wedding or something of that nature, it’s not possible for us to give an answer so far in advance. Ao if your DH made that clear to his mother and she can’t respect that, then yes I see why he would use such harsh language. Or he can give a rote daily response as needed until you made a decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is brilliant.

+1. You got a good one OP.

[Anonymous]

His family. You stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Your DH is the man! Can I clone him to deal with my MIL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is brilliant.

Very reasonable too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love this. I’m going to use it with my mother.

This is basically how I handle both my mom and my kids. Works well.

[Anonymous]

OP,

You have been gifted a rare jewel of a husband - one who stands up to his parents to protect his nuclear family. He needs to be direct and blunt, otherwise his super-anxious mother will keep pushing.

It's not broken. Don't fix it!

[Anonymous]

I agree that your husband is handling it fine. My mom is like this, though more nagging every day than demanding an immediate answer. What has worked for me is asking “I’ll talk to husband tonight. When do you need to know by?” That way if there is an actual deadline she can share it. Your’s husband is way more efficient but this could be a gentler option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We spend a lot of time with MIL/FIL, who live only an hour away. We try to do things that are important to them, like go to them for lots of holidays, since they really like their church friends to see the kids. All communication happens through DH, though of course DH and I discuss the requests and the plans, and make decisions together. I’d say we say yes to 80% of requests for our time.

The issue is, the way MIL asks for answers NOW and hounds until she gets an answer. She won’t just issue an invitation: she’ll issue an invitation and will be like “let me know today,” no matter that she’s asking about a date that’s, say, six weeks away. She’ll keep texting even though she knows DH is at work and he still needs to talk with me about it, etc., etc.

DH is frankly sick of this and told me over the weekend that his new response to her is “If you need to know now, the answer is no, we won’t be able to visit that day. If you can wait a few days for Jill and I to discuss it, I may be able to say yes, but if you need to know now and won’t leave me alone until you get an answer, the answer is no.”

I think this is kind of harsh, but at the same time, I more than see where he’s coming from. Should I just let this play out for a while, or should I suggest a phone call or something to at least discuss the dynamic and let her know why it has become problematic?

What in the holy hell. Are you seriously this stupid? Leave it alone! Let your husband handle his mother. Jesus Christ, so of you people are just beyond absurd.

[Anonymous]

I love your dh so much. He is a keeper.

[Anonymous]

Your DH sounds exactly like how I talk to my mother when the pulls the exact same tricks.

Always about the church friends here, too.

His way is the only way. She’ll still keep trying but at least that’s on her.

Be glad it’s not your parents doing this!