Why do many people in the DMV make advice-giving/recommending such a big part of their personality?

[Anonymous]

I love that you are making this observation, OP. It is so so true. I was just thinking the other day that in my social circles, all the moms are know-it-alls who give out unsolicited advice constantly while all the dads are laid back and like to act pretty clueless. It does get exhausting at times. I have to admit I am one of these maximizers and I try not to overdo it. Everyone just needs to be mindful of their audience and make sure you’re not coming across as bragging or bossy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over-educated pushy strivers with expensive nonsense degrees become overconfident and think they're experts on everything, when they're not even experts in their lane. Dunning–Kruger effect.

+1

DMV attracts some of the most insufferable blowhards on the planet.

Who, given the questions I see on this board, lack the most basic of math skills. It's fairly shocking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over-educated pushy strivers with expensive nonsense degrees become overconfident and think they're experts on everything, when they're not even experts in their lane. Dunning–Kruger effect.

+1

DMV attracts some of the most insufferable blowhards on the planet.

Hello, Donnie!

[Anonymous]

Lots of stupid people around here. They need things explained to them.

So I explain things to them. This is not complicated.

[Anonymous]

I do this on restaurants, travel, and gardening. I appreciate receiving it on those topics as well. I also appreciate it on books and music, but don’t have much to offer there as I’m never the first to know of any of that.

I find the unsolicited corrector to be far more insufferable.

People with solid advice and experience, I actually value and find interesting.

I think people who aren’t interested in learning from others experiences and discovering new places to go or restaurants to try to be rather boring. I work in politics and hate talking about it, sports and the weather really don’t need to be discussed at the length they are. I enjoy conversations where people are comparing notes on topics I like.

So sue me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DC tends to attract the "maximizer" personality. They assume you want/need to strategize to get the best thing because that's what they do. Find more "satisficers" to hang out with, we are much more relaxed!

https://www.psychologistworld.com/cognitive/maximizers-satisficers-decision-making

Yes!!! I was a satisficer in a world of maximizers and left the DMV recently. It was exhausting! It’s so much more mentally peaceful where I am now. My anxiety was always sky high especially with other moms. I once set my alarm for midnight to be sure and get my kids in to summer camp as soon as it opened after several moms saying you’ll miss it if you don’t!! But to their credit they always had shit on lockdown and freely gave advice which helped in cases like this.

I live in a neighborhood of satisfiers and honestly, it's a PITA. No one knows what they are doing and just expect that someone else will come along and fix it. They don't know how to solve problems, or even identify the problem to start. But they definitely know how to complain when they are personally affected.

But then they aren't satisficers. Satisficers are, by definition, pretty satisfied with life and less likely to complain, because they simply look at the most pragmatic solutions to any situation and then choose the one that seems most satisfying and move on with their lives.

It's maximizers who complain a lot, because they are always looking for the best/most/biggeset/etc. Which means when things fall short of their expectations, they are not satisfied. Instead of starting with pragmatic solutions and choosing from among them, they first thing "what do I want to get out of this decision?" and then try to find a solution that will deliver it. So unless they have a ton of resources or are extremely proficient at everything, they are perpetually unhappy.

[Anonymous]

I just want to note there's a difference between giving recommendations ("oh we just went to a great restaurant, you should check it out") and telling people what to do and not to do ("you have to get a nanny, daycare is crap").

I like people who are "in the know" about stuff and will tell me about the great places or resources they found in case I need them (and if I don't need them, I can disregard). I bristle at people who want to tell me what choices to make, who I perceive as trying to validate their own choices by forcing everyone around them to make the same ones. The latter is especially annoying when it comes to parenting because kids and families vary a lot and need different things, and I get very tired of being told I "have" to parent a specific way that may not even make any sense at all for my specific child/family. It's just presumptuous.

[Anonymous]

Probably because of people like you.

[Anonymous]

Because we are fixers. Cannot stand for someone to be unhappy in any way, and if you are having a challenge or problem, we want to help you fix it so you can be happy

[Anonymous]

Hahahaha, I am totally the person you’re talking about, OP! I’m definitely a maximizer. Honestly, I think what happens a lot is that people ask for advice assuming it will be simple and straightforward or initiate a conversation about a topic, but if it’s a topic where I’ve actually gone through a lot to reach the decision I’ve made, I will give you the play by play because that’s the level of detail I would want. I want to know the why behind the decision making because it helps me to know whether the reasons that mattered to you will also matter to me as I weigh how helpful your recommendations are to me and my situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hahahaha, I am totally the person you’re talking about, OP! I’m definitely a maximizer. Honestly, I think what happens a lot is that people ask for advice assuming it will be simple and straightforward or initiate a conversation about a topic, but if it’s a topic where I’ve actually gone through a lot to reach the decision I’ve made, I will give you the play by play because that’s the level of detail I would want. I want to know the why behind the decision making because it helps me to know whether the reasons that mattered to you will also matter to me as I weigh how helpful your recommendations are to me and my situation.

Also, if you don’t want the detail, just tell me! It will be okay if you don’t actually care.

[Anonymous]

The premise of this post is stupid, like all other prejudices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The premise of this post is stupid, like all other prejudices.

This thread is not about a "prejudice."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The premise of this post is stupid, like all other prejudices.

I disagree. I think OP has made an interesting observation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because we are fixers. Cannot stand for someone to be unhappy in any way, and if you are having a challenge or problem, we want to help you fix it so you can be happy

More like hall monitors.