Why do many people in the DMV make advice-giving/recommending such a big part of their personality?

[Anonymous]

I moved to the DMV from another part of the US and I like it a lot. This is not a "I hate DC" rant. I'm really glad I live here.

But something I've noticed is that many people in the DMV have a specific personality trait that I find is waaaaay less common elsewhere. And that the "advisor" personality -- people who are frequently telling other people where to go, what to do, how to approach this or that, etc. There are people like this everywhere, but the percent of people I meet in DC like this is very high. Do you think this is a function of so many highly educated people? Or maybe people who work in advisory fields like policy or law?

Sometimes the people like this really know what they are talking about but other times not. Most often, the subject they are advising on is extremely subject or dependent on context (something like where to send your kids to school, what neighborhood to live in, where to go on vacation, etc. -- stuff for which there truly is not one correct answer and you'd have to know a lot about an individuals situation in order to give them good advice, in my opinion), but people speak with such confidence! I do like getting all the suggestions and I have learned about some great things this way, though I also find myself disregarding probably 90% of the unsolicited advice I get here simply because I get so much of it.

Just wondering if others have noticed this about this area and might have insight into why many people here are like this. It feels like a distinct feature of the culture here as compared to other places I have lived (I'm from the midwest originally but have also lived in the Southwest, West Coast, and New England before moving to this area).

[Anonymous]

I also wanted to note that since moving here, I think I've become more like this, and I have had to become self-aware about it because when I visit family or friends in other places, I will sometimes drop into a very DC pattern of saying "oh you have to try this or go here or do that" and I think it can come off as pushy other places. That's when I started realizing this was a DC thing, because there is such a pronounced difference in how this behavior is received here versus other places.

[Anonymous]

DC attracts a lot of folks who simply cannot function without external validation. So setting themselves up as the wise mentor or advisor means (in their mind) that you will undoubtedly be in awe of how knowledgeable or clever they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I moved to the DMV from another part of the US and I like it a lot. This is not a "I hate DC" rant. I'm really glad I live here.

But something I've noticed is that many people in the DMV have a specific personality trait that I find is waaaaay less common elsewhere. And that the "advisor" personality -- people who are frequently telling other people where to go, what to do, how to approach this or that, etc. There are people like this everywhere, but the percent of people I meet in DC like this is very high. Do you think this is a function of so many highly educated people? Or maybe people who work in advisory fields like policy or law?

Sometimes the people like this really know what they are talking about but other times not. Most often, the subject they are advising on is extremely subject or dependent on context (something like where to send your kids to school, what neighborhood to live in, where to go on vacation, etc. -- stuff for which there truly is not one correct answer and you'd have to know a lot about an individuals situation in order to give them good advice, in my opinion), but people speak with such confidence! I do like getting all the suggestions and I have learned about some great things this way, though I also find myself disregarding probably 90% of the unsolicited advice I get here simply because I get so much of it.

Just wondering if others have noticed this about this area and might have insight into why many people here are like this. It feels like a distinct feature of the culture here as compared to other places I have lived (I'm from the midwest originally but have also lived in the Southwest, West Coast, and New England before moving to this area).

All of the bolded + the fact that this is an extremely diverse place with many expats from all over the world. Different languages, cultures, races, religions, nationalities means that there are nuances and considerations that need to be discussed and weighed. As an immigrant, I have relied on my coworkers, friends, members of the community, family, neighbors, internet, experts etc to make sure that I get all POVs and weigh all pros and cons about important things.

Education, EC, housing, finances, medical care, childcare, eldercare, socializing, hosting, weddings, funerals, travel, entertainment, politics - there is so much diversity of opinion, culture, needs - that people are discussing and giving their 2 cents all the time.

I think this is good. It opens up your eyes to others.

[Anonymous]

I think DC tends to attract the "maximizer" personality. They assume you want/need to strategize to get the best thing because that's what they do. Find more "satisficers" to hang out with, we are much more relaxed!

https://www.psychologistworld.com/cognitive/maximizers-satisficers-decision-making

[Anonymous]

I love hanging out with the maximizers! They do all my research for me. Like on here 😱😱😱

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think DC tends to attract the "maximizer" personality. They assume you want/need to strategize to get the best thing because that's what they do. Find more "satisficers" to hang out with, we are much more relaxed!

https://www.psychologistworld.com/cognitive/maximizers-satisficers-decision-making

OP here, this is very interesting. Yes, I do think many people here are seeking to maximize every aspect of life in a way I probably am not. I think I might attract maximizers specifically because I think sometimes people look at aspects of my life and think "oh here, if you do it this way, it's better." But truthfully I like how I currently do it. I'm super frugal and I choose to "make do" with a lot of things because this leads to me saving a ton of money, and I love saving money (and then investing it).

Just the other day I was noting to another mom that I find it hard this time of year to keep our floors clean because everyone is wearing boots and with the rain and snow and mud it all gets tracked inside. And she was like "oh well actually I'm obsessed with this and here is a 14-point plan to keep floors spotless in February that involves several hundred dollars in special gear plus paying someone to clean once a week." It sounded very amazing and I'm sure her floors are spotless, but I would never spend that kind of money on special mats and shoe storage and cleaners. I just vacuum a bit more often and harass my kids to take their shoes off by the door, and then complain a little about how it's annoying to keep floors clean. I actually think this conversation was annoying for the other mom because I was like "wow sounds great but no I don't need you to email me this info because I'm not going to do that." I think she was like "WHY would you complain about this and then not be willing to do what it takes to fix it?" But to me it's obvious. Just a difference in approach I guess!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think DC tends to attract the "maximizer" personality. They assume you want/need to strategize to get the best thing because that's what they do. Find more "satisficers" to hang out with, we are much more relaxed!

https://www.psychologistworld.com/cognitive/maximizers-satisficers-decision-making

I moved here because I moved up in my .gov position. I am closer to HQ now, which is here in DC of course.

Many others couldn’t, but I’m better than they are, so I got the job. I have earned my place on the ladder here.

So of course I advise those below me. It’s a good practice for networking, as they may be in a position to help me get ahead some day.

You’re welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think DC tends to attract the "maximizer" personality. They assume you want/need to strategize to get the best thing because that's what they do. Find more "satisficers" to hang out with, we are much more relaxed!

https://www.psychologistworld.com/cognitive/maximizers-satisficers-decision-making

Yes!!! I was a satisficer in a world of maximizers and left the DMV recently. It was exhausting! It’s so much more mentally peaceful where I am now. My anxiety was always sky high especially with other moms. I once set my alarm for midnight to be sure and get my kids in to summer camp as soon as it opened after several moms saying you’ll miss it if you don’t!! But to their credit they always had shit on lockdown and freely gave advice which helped in cases like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I moved to the DMV from another part of the US and I like it a lot. This is not a "I hate DC" rant. I'm really glad I live here.

But something I've noticed is that many people in the DMV have a specific personality trait that I find is waaaaay less common elsewhere. And that the "advisor" personality -- people who are frequently telling other people where to go, what to do, how to approach this or that, etc. There are people like this everywhere, but the percent of people I meet in DC like this is very high. Do you think this is a function of so many highly educated people? Or maybe people who work in advisory fields like policy or law?

Sometimes the people like this really know what they are talking about but other times not. Most often, the subject they are advising on is extremely subject or dependent on context (something like where to send your kids to school, what neighborhood to live in, where to go on vacation, etc. -- stuff for which there truly is not one correct answer and you'd have to know a lot about an individuals situation in order to give them good advice, in my opinion), but people speak with such confidence! I do like getting all the suggestions and I have learned about some great things this way, though I also find myself disregarding probably 90% of the unsolicited advice I get here simply because I get so much of it.

Just wondering if others have noticed this about this area and might have insight into why many people here are like this. It feels like a distinct feature of the culture here as compared to other places I have lived (I'm from the midwest originally but have also lived in the Southwest, West Coast, and New England before moving to this area).

1) My career is in a field where many lay people are impacted and feel stymied by lack of info or transparency. I don’t necessarily volunteer advice (outside of DCUM), but people ask me all the time.

2) In my social circle, I’m known for my pragmatism. And I stay calm during a crisis. Also, people know that if I offer to help, I’m going to follow through. So I get called a lot to help put out fires, so to speak.

[Anonymous]

Over-educated pushy strivers with expensive nonsense degrees become overconfident and think they're experts on everything, when they're not even experts in their lane. Dunning–Kruger effect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love hanging out with the maximizers! They do all my research for me. Like on here 😱😱😱

+1. It's much easier to figure out what I want if people supply the full picture. I have enough intelligence to sort out what is relevant to me and what isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DC tends to attract the "maximizer" personality. They assume you want/need to strategize to get the best thing because that's what they do. Find more "satisficers" to hang out with, we are much more relaxed!

https://www.psychologistworld.com/cognitive/maximizers-satisficers-decision-making

Yes!!! I was a satisficer in a world of maximizers and left the DMV recently. It was exhausting! It’s so much more mentally peaceful where I am now. My anxiety was always sky high especially with other moms. I once set my alarm for midnight to be sure and get my kids in to summer camp as soon as it opened after several moms saying you’ll miss it if you don’t!! But to their credit they always had shit on lockdown and freely gave advice which helped in cases like this.

I live in a neighborhood of satisfiers and honestly, it's a PITA. No one knows what they are doing and just expect that someone else will come along and fix it. They don't know how to solve problems, or even identify the problem to start. But they definitely know how to complain when they are personally affected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Over-educated pushy strivers with expensive nonsense degrees become overconfident and think they're experts on everything, when they're not even experts in their lane. Dunning–Kruger effect.

+1

DMV attracts some of the most insufferable blowhards on the planet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over-educated pushy strivers with expensive nonsense degrees become overconfident and think they're experts on everything, when they're not even experts in their lane. Dunning–Kruger effect.

+1

DMV attracts some of the most insufferable blowhards on the planet.

11:07 case in point