I'm tired, what's the point of it all?

[Anonymous]

I find it helps to count the years/days until the kids leave for college. I will miss them, but not the drudge work of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a hamster wheel. My father and DH used to be so dismissive of my exhaustion and labor.

When I feel like that, I like to listen to parenting podcasts, articles, and books. It’s good to see you’re not alone. I used to have on the ready a book called Depleted Mothers. I don’t have teens but if it were me, I’d be looking up stuff about parenting teens. Massage helped but got too costly. Walks with my kids in gardens or talking to friends helped a lot.

[Anonymous]

You're not alone OP! I only have 1 child aged 8 and it is exhausting! Work, cooking, drama with kid who doesn't want to do 99% of things what I want her to do. For me, going away for a trip, pampering myself is not gonna solve the issue - since I have to come back to this daily grudge sooner or later. Plus, I don't have money to spend on all these extras and I don't want to work till death to spend money on " treating myself". I just can't wait to get my kid to college or her be independent somehow. But then, I will be old ( like 55 year old).

[Anonymous]

Im 45 with a 2 year old. WTF was i thinking ?! Send help!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im 45 with a 2 year old. WTF was i thinking ?! Send help!!!

Clearly you weren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im 45 with a 2 year old. WTF was i thinking ?! Send help!!!

You’ve probably heard this, but it gets easier when they’re in preschool. Just have to hang in there. I used to take my kids out a lot at that age for a change of scenery,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im 45 with a 2 year old. WTF was i thinking ?! Send help!!!

Clearly you weren’t.

Lol. True! But there are lots of older moms in DC area so you’re not alone.

[Anonymous]

I have three kids, 2 with special needs kids, one that can’t handle school full time so that’s my full time job. Plus we have no family support because my mother is very ill and I help my parents as well. My advice is to not martyr yourself. Make dinners as easy as you can. Hire help such as cleaning people if you can afford it. Kids can do their own laundry if they want clean clothes. They should be unloading the dishwasher, etc. do you have a husband that helps? Also, make time for friends. Make that a priority. I also like to watch comedians, listen to podcasts when I am doing chores and cooking , anything that makes me a little happier during the drudgery. I also always buy myself flowers. See what you can do for yourself.

[Anonymous]

1) your house doesn’t need to be clean all the time
2) stop being home all the time. Why are you there with teens, they don’t need a babysitter. Go to dinner, go to the gym, do a hobby, learn and art.
3) make dinner 3x a week and buy sandwich makings. Nobody needs to cook dinner every night. Cooking isn’t necessary. Make a habit of saying “your own your own for dinner tonight”, “we are having leftovers for dinner tonight”


You have a vision of what a good mom is, it’s wrong. Readjust your life.

You should spend 1/4 of you life on work, 1/4 on family,1/4 on community, and 1/4 on yourself . Most overlap in some way like your job overlaps community, etc.

You’ve lost yourself. Spend the year finding yourself again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im 45 with a 2 year old. WTF was i thinking ?! Send help!!!

Clearly you weren’t.

Ignore this poster. There is a huge anti older mom contingent on dcum - holdover from the Pearl clutching puritans of yore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) your house doesn’t need to be clean all the time
2) stop being home all the time. Why are you there with teens, they don’t need a babysitter. Go to dinner, go to the gym, do a hobby, learn and art.
3) make dinner 3x a week and buy sandwich makings. Nobody needs to cook dinner every night. Cooking isn’t necessary. Make a habit of saying “your own your own for dinner tonight”, “we are having leftovers for dinner tonight”


You have a vision of what a good mom is, it’s wrong. Readjust your life.

You should spend 1/4 of you life on work, 1/4 on family,1/4 on community, and 1/4 on yourself . Most overlap in some way like your job overlaps community, etc.

You’ve lost yourself. Spend the year finding yourself again.

I don't know about you, but I work 8-5. I'm tired after work. My house isn't spotless since I can't clean all the time because I work. Just chores and work takes up a lot of my life. Then kids because I am not leaving the house to avoid them when they are actually home!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) your house doesn’t need to be clean all the time
2) stop being home all the time. Why are you there with teens, they don’t need a babysitter. Go to dinner, go to the gym, do a hobby, learn and art.
3) make dinner 3x a week and buy sandwich makings. Nobody needs to cook dinner every night. Cooking isn’t necessary. Make a habit of saying “your own your own for dinner tonight”, “we are having leftovers for dinner tonight”


You have a vision of what a good mom is, it’s wrong. Readjust your life.

You should spend 1/4 of you life on work, 1/4 on family,1/4 on community, and 1/4 on yourself . Most overlap in some way like your job overlaps community, etc.

You’ve lost yourself. Spend the year finding yourself again.

I don't know about you, but I work 8-5. I'm tired after work. My house isn't spotless since I can't clean all the time because I work. Just chores and work takes up a lot of my life. Then kids because I am not leaving the house to avoid them when they are actually home!

I hear you PP. Working full time and raising a family are tough. But honestly, with teens, your life should be getting EASIER not harder (at least wrt labor). Do you do anything for yourself? Book group with neighborhood parents? An exercise class or hobby class that you find enjoyable? Taking a neighborhood walk with your spouse a few times a week? You HAVE to have something other than work and kids in your life. And yes, I am typically spent after my high-stress 8-6 workday and dealing with making sure people are where they need to be, food is available for dinners/lunches, etc... But I no longer handle anyone's laundry but my own, kids make their own lunches or buy at school, I let my husband take the lead on one of the kids' major activities, I've lowered my standards on what qualifies as "clean enough", I cook enough food to have at least 1 day of leftovers, I have a dedicated 1x week exercise class and I do semi-regular girls nights with neighborhood moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) your house doesn’t need to be clean all the time
2) stop being home all the time. Why are you there with teens, they don’t need a babysitter. Go to dinner, go to the gym, do a hobby, learn and art.
3) make dinner 3x a week and buy sandwich makings. Nobody needs to cook dinner every night. Cooking isn’t necessary. Make a habit of saying “your own your own for dinner tonight”, “we are having leftovers for dinner tonight”


You have a vision of what a good mom is, it’s wrong. Readjust your life.

You should spend 1/4 of you life on work, 1/4 on family,1/4 on community, and 1/4 on yourself . Most overlap in some way like your job overlaps community, etc.

You’ve lost yourself. Spend the year finding yourself again.

I don't know about you, but I work 8-5. I'm tired after work. My house isn't spotless since I can't clean all the time because I work. Just chores and work takes up a lot of my life. Then kids because I am not leaving the house to avoid them when they are actually home!

I hear you PP. Working full time and raising a family are tough. But honestly, with teens, your life should be getting EASIER not harder (at least wrt labor). Do you do anything for yourself? Book group with neighborhood parents? An exercise class or hobby class that you find enjoyable? Taking a neighborhood walk with your spouse a few times a week? You HAVE to have something other than work and kids in your life. And yes, I am typically spent after my high-stress 8-6 workday and dealing with making sure people are where they need to be, food is available for dinners/lunches, etc... But I no longer handle anyone's laundry but my own, kids make their own lunches or buy at school, I let my husband take the lead on one of the kids' major activities, I've lowered my standards on what qualifies as "clean enough", I cook enough food to have at least 1 day of leftovers, I have a dedicated 1x week exercise class and I do semi-regular girls nights with neighborhood moms.

It just sounds exhausting to me. I had one weekly activity I had to stop because it was causing so much stress (transportation issues mostly with two cars and four drivers). I guess everything sounds like too much aside from the walks I do sometimes, like everything added on is an extra chore.

[Anonymous]

PP, unless you change something in your life, you will have the same results. You need to find something that you will actually look forward to, so that it doesn't seem like a chore. Maybe that is just sitting in your bedroom and listening to a podcast. Maybe it is an extra-long shower followed by a nice-smelling lotion. Make it EASY and enjoyable, but make it a regular event that you try to keep your family or work from encroaching on.

You need to somehow get more time for yourself - that may involve "dropping the rope" (handing off some responsibility in its entirety and then letting folks deal with the consequences if they don't get it done).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, unless you change something in your life, you will have the same results. You need to find something that you will actually look forward to, so that it doesn't seem like a chore. Maybe that is just sitting in your bedroom and listening to a podcast. Maybe it is an extra-long shower followed by a nice-smelling lotion. Make it EASY and enjoyable, but make it a regular event that you try to keep your family or work from encroaching on.

You need to somehow get more time for yourself - that may involve "dropping the rope" (handing off some responsibility in its entirety and then letting folks deal with the consequences if they don't get it done).

I do the podcast and self care stuff. I don't find it meaningfully recharging at all. I think I am just spent emotionally and physically, like there's something wrong with me.