Will my ds become nicer as an adult?

[Anonymous]

They don't all become better. I have friends with adult children who are now alcoholics and addicts. If they were nice except now good chance it will be ok. If they always had issues chances are they are for life.

[Anonymous]

This post belongs to the team board. We’re talking about adults here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 16yo ds is so moody: a lot of mornings he is sulking, lost something, grumpy about something. He has chatty, sweet moments maybe 10% of the time, does tell us a lot about his life at dinner or randomly, but the rest of the time he mostly wants to be in his room or has a bad attitude and is silent. He has a very good social life, lots of friends through sports, school, works, good student, other parents really like him...But with us he is really tough, borderline rude, contrary, selfish, even worse with dh than with me. Is it still normal? Did your ds get any better?

Stay consistently kind and loving. As a parent that's your job, your attitude shouldn't be tied to ups and downs of his mental state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post belongs to the team board. We’re talking about adults here.

It would make no sense to ask about how teens are now as adults on a teen board with no perspective or experience on the topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I doubt any of us hopes to be judged by our teenage behavior to our parents op. It’s very normal for an older adolescent to pull away from you. Give him space but enforce a level of respect and behavior boundaries.

This.

It’s not a free for all / be a jerk time.

Still demand good clauses and respect, but give their space, messy room at times, etc

[Anonymous]

I think a lot depends on how you respond. If you respond as if he's a teen, and not as if his personality is set in stone, you will have much better luck with things improving, at least with you. Your DS is not an adult. He's still a kid. If you don't know the behavior you describe is normal for his age then you have been living under a rock. Take a step back and try to see this objectively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yes. They are internally programmed to begin rejecting you so they can leave the nest. Try not to take it personally, draw clear kind boundaries (it's OK to be angry but it's not ok to ....), and keep showing love and interest even when it is rejected.

Well, OP can use guilt and create codependency so DS does not actually leave.

[Anonymous]

My 3 teens were grumpy and critical but I never accepted rude behavior. I do support each as needed and give personal time. So far it’s been pretty good with a mix of kid types.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS was like that and only got worse. She is 19. I can only pray as she gets older and looks back on her behavior she is embarrassed

I feel bad for your kid with a parent like you.

._.

Keeping it classy, DCUM

[Anonymous]

Mine was a delightful kid who became depressed and surly as an adolescent. I thought I should give him his space, that he was just trying to differentiate and it would pass. It never got better. He is 21 now and estranged. In retrospect, I think it was mental illness that was beginning to show up, and I wish I had been much more assertive about keeping communication open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 16yo ds is so moody: a lot of mornings he is sulking, lost something, grumpy about something. He has chatty, sweet moments maybe 10% of the time, does tell us a lot about his life at dinner or randomly, but the rest of the time he mostly wants to be in his room or has a bad attitude and is silent. He has a very good social life, lots of friends through sports, school, works, good student, other parents really like him...But with us he is really tough, borderline rude, contrary, selfish, even worse with dh than with me. Is it still normal? Did your ds get any better?

Check back by 25. That's when their frontal is fully developed. 16 s a hard age. Maybe sympathize with him once in a while?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 16yo ds is so moody: a lot of mornings he is sulking, lost something, grumpy about something. He has chatty, sweet moments maybe 10% of the time, does tell us a lot about his life at dinner or randomly, but the rest of the time he mostly wants to be in his room or has a bad attitude and is silent. He has a very good social life, lots of friends through sports, school, works, good student, other parents really like him...But with us he is really tough, borderline rude, contrary, selfish, even worse with dh than with me. Is it still normal? Did your ds get any better?

Do you talk to him about it? Not in the moment but more generally?

My 15 year old was like that all yesterday. Not outright antagonistic but a total grump, even as I spent the day running around doing things for him. At the end of the day I gently said something to him, basically pointing out that he had been pretty rude all day and how it impacted me. He gave a cursory ‘sorry’ at the time.

This morning he had to get up for something supper early. I came downstairs to check that he was up, got a typical grunt answer (which honestly didn’t even register as rude to me since it was 5am and I’m not a ball of sunshine then either) then I went back to bed. Ten minutes later he was in my bedroom apologizing for having been rude.

All that to say I think it’s totally normal for teenage boys to be giant grumps but there definitely is some part of them that is listening and reflecting on their behavior - especially if you’re not accusatory or super confrontational about it.It left me feeling all warm and fuzzy that one day he’ll emerge on the other side as a sweet caring man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they do this. And, yes, it does get better.

Oh, the teenage years...shudder.

I call it “the caving phase” when they want to sullenly hide in their rooms.

[Anonymous]

Time will tell! Be ready for anything!