Wwyd if this was your mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, I just read she is 76. She had good quality of life before the back issue? 76 is still fairly young. She could have another 25 years.

There is no easy solution here. It sounds like 6 months ago she was very active. You've talked to multiple surgeons. What does her PCP say? Sometimes I lean on my PCP to advise in these situations.

Her quality of life is very, very low now. She is only 76. What does Mom want? I'd probably lean heavy on what Mom wants. Is she motivated to do rehab after surgery to build up her muscles?

25 more years? That’s extremely unlikely.

Agree. That's 101. Also saying that 76 is "fairly young" is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Yes but another way to look at it is that she is crippled beyond any quality of life now, and if she gets surgery and rehabilitation, a year from now she could be walking around strong and well for however many years she has left. The PT rehabilitation from the surgery can, theoretically (if she really commits to the homework and the continued aftercare) have her in better shape than she was before her back blew out.

[Anonymous]

How is she at follow through and follow ups? How is she with following medical advice? Asking because dealing with this now with FIL also 75: he refuses to take medical advice and seems to ignore even the most basic, sensible medical orders. Refuses hearing aids, an orthopedic boot, failed to return to a normal diet and didn’t take stool softeners post hernia surgery, etc. He’s the absolute worst patient and then complains about how long recovery is taking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I’d get her the surgery. A long recovery is minimal compared to being bed ridden the rest of her life.

How is anything but this the answer.

Not OP, but I know 2 people who had back surgery under the age of 50 and it did not go well. One is more disabled and the other needing several more back surgeries and didn't think it was worth it. Also, I have been through an elderly parent having a much more minor surgery and the decline from anesthesia was alarming and lasted.

I assume she is cognitively 100%. If so, this needs to be her decision. If it were me at that age, I would go for comfort with meds and would not treat any illnesses that come my way. I have been managing elder care with parents and inlaws for too long and see that the decline can be beyond miserable and you can do in your family with needs.

If she is not cognitively capable of the decision, that is rough. I would talk to as many experts and people with loved ones who needed surgery at that age as possible.

If she gets the surgery, I would make sure she has a rehabilitation facility lined up. It is a tough recovery for someone younger and if she declines cognitively after she needs the proper level of care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also agree with the PT and acupuncture first. Get her in both asap. The longer you wait on back issues the worse it gets.

Agree with PT and accupuncture, then surgery if needed.

[Anonymous]

There is some magical thinking on here. 25 more good years after a major surgery when you are already in the mid 70s in unrealistic. If dementia sets in it could be a living hell. Also, as others have pointed out these surgeries often don't lead to the great outcomes you hope for in much younger people.

If she wants it and truly understands, you support her, but make it clear your own limits. You can visit at rehab, etc, but I would not take her into your home for example.

If she doesn't want it support it.

I like the idea of trying PT first. I have known people told they needed anything from knee to back surgery who found PT and sometimes acupuncture did the trick over many months.

Someone made another important point-will she be diligent with homework. That is essential when you try PT BEFORE surgery, but also after. She needs to understand that often after the surgery you need intensive therapy and it's not easy.

[Anonymous]

Are you the poster with the mom overseas with a compression fracture? I’m the poster with a mom in a similar boat (not quite as immobilized but not much better) with a compression fracture.

My question would be how confident they are that the fusion will address the issue that is causing her pain if it goes well? Even if it isn’t a perfect fix, your mom sounds like she has zero quality of life now. Id want multiple opinions and to feel I’d exhausted all more conservative options.

[Anonymous]

Does your mom have any cognitive decline, even minor. Because if she does anesthesia could create all sorts of problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your mom have any cognitive decline, even minor. Because if she does anesthesia could create all sorts of problems.

Op - she didn’t before it went really downhill and she had to start taking a lot of pain medication (last 3 mos)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the poster with the mom overseas with a compression fracture? I’m the poster with a mom in a similar boat (not quite as immobilized but not much better) with a compression fracture.

My question would be how confident they are that the fusion will address the issue that is causing her pain if it goes well? Even if it isn’t a perfect fix, your mom sounds like she has zero quality of life now. Id want multiple opinions and to feel I’d exhausted all more conservative options.

Yes!
They gave her a 60-80% chance of a successful outcome.
Sigh.
I don’t know that I think she has done as much pt as she could have. But to be fair to her the nerve is so compressed that any walking or moving is pretty excruciating.

[Anonymous]

It's the right thing. I know several elders who have had it done. Does she have good insurance? Know everything about her financials. She will need to be in a rehab facility for months. For yourself, know where she would go --- what her choices would be, after that -- which isn't going back home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the right thing. I know several elders who have had it done. Does she have good insurance? Know everything about her financials. She will need to be in a rehab facility for months. For yourself, know where she would go --- what her choices would be, after that -- which isn't going back home.

she has good insurance. I think she will go home with live in care.
how has their recovery been?
Such a mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here are her options:

1 - do nothing and live out the rest of her life in pain with limited mobility

2 - try the surgery and have a chance at improvement or potentially a worse outcome

3 - get a great PT/OT and try that route before choosing between 1 & 2


Up to her but if it were me I would aggressively try 3 first then 2. Living the way she’s living is not a life.

There’s another option to get major pain management and rest for 6 months. Reduce alcohol intake, sugar, and other inflammatory foods, and just wait it out.

That’s how I healed. During the acute stage, PT made it worse for me, so painful, and I was scheduled for surgery but cancelled out of fear of the high failure rates that my PCP shared with me.

But I did heal.

[Anonymous]

Another opinion or two but I would not do the surgery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another opinion or two but I would not do the surgery.

even if it meant live the rest of your life in a chair and not be able to walk and on constant fentanyl and morphine?