Maternity leave with a premie (34 weeker)

[Anonymous]

My first kid was born at 36 weeks and had to be hospitalized for 6 days due to complications. There was a lot of downtime in the hospital, but it was always punctuated by nurses and doctors coming in and out of the room every hour or so. Plus, as other people have mentioned, you will be recovering and emotional and will want to spend time with your baby. I can imagine that it might be possible to get some work done when the baby sleeps, but I think the circumstances would make it hard to focus.

My second kid was born a few weeks ago, and I’ve been trying to finish out a few work projects that I was in the middle of doing when my kid came early (36 weeks again, but no NICU). I get maybe an hour of work done per day. It’s hard to be productive with a newborn around.

Talk to HR about what you can do to extend your leave. Are you just taking FMLA, or do you get actual maternity leave? Can you use PTO in addition to your leave? Can you take longer than 12 weeks on short-term disability? Can you take time off without pay?

Ugh, this country sucks for new parents. I’ll be thinking of you, OP. Hope it goes well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first kid was born at 36 weeks and had to be hospitalized for 6 days due to complications. There was a lot of downtime in the hospital, but it was always punctuated by nurses and doctors coming in and out of the room every hour or so. Plus, as other people have mentioned, you will be recovering and emotional and will want to spend time with your baby. I can imagine that it might be possible to get some work done when the baby sleeps, but I think the circumstances would make it hard to focus.

My second kid was born a few weeks ago, and I’ve been trying to finish out a few work projects that I was in the middle of doing when my kid came early (36 weeks again, but no NICU). I get maybe an hour of work done per day. It’s hard to be productive with a newborn around.

Talk to HR about what you can do to extend your leave. Are you just taking FMLA, or do you get actual maternity leave? Can you use PTO in addition to your leave? Can you take longer than 12 weeks on short-term disability? Can you take time off without pay?

Ugh, this country sucks for new parents. I’ll be thinking of you, OP. Hope it goes well.

I think technically I get 12 weeks FMLA but I’m not sure how this works with the c section and then also wanting to be home for 12 weeks when the baby comes home. For those who did this- it sounds like you all did 6 weeks for c section recovery and then took the 12 weeks? I’m trying to see what my employers will allow.

[Anonymous]

FMLA requires qualifying employers to hold your position for you (but not pay you) while you take up to 12 weeks of leave per year in total. Typically, the 6-week recovery time for a c-section comes out of that 12 weeks, and you would get just 6 more weeks of protected FMLA time (not an additional 12 weeks).

Many employers provide parentla levae benefits beyond what FMLA requires--including paid leave, or leave beyond 12 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Following up on my last post--internet people can't tell you what your employer will allow, unless it's the feds. Every employer is going to have different policies and different cultures around parental leave. You need to figure out what your office policies are. Good luck, and hope you have a healthy birth and baby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first kid was born at 36 weeks and had to be hospitalized for 6 days due to complications. There was a lot of downtime in the hospital, but it was always punctuated by nurses and doctors coming in and out of the room every hour or so. Plus, as other people have mentioned, you will be recovering and emotional and will want to spend time with your baby. I can imagine that it might be possible to get some work done when the baby sleeps, but I think the circumstances would make it hard to focus.

My second kid was born a few weeks ago, and I’ve been trying to finish out a few work projects that I was in the middle of doing when my kid came early (36 weeks again, but no NICU). I get maybe an hour of work done per day. It’s hard to be productive with a newborn around.

Talk to HR about what you can do to extend your leave. Are you just taking FMLA, or do you get actual maternity leave? Can you use PTO in addition to your leave? Can you take longer than 12 weeks on short-term disability? Can you take time off without pay?

Ugh, this country sucks for new parents. I’ll be thinking of you, OP. Hope it goes well.

I'm a PP and also had a 36 weeker who was in NICU similar amount of time.

I could have written your post above - also tried to wrap up work projects since baby was unexpectedly early and I hadn't tied things up. But couldn't do over an hour a day and eventually gave up (I had a lot of mental fog on top of everything else - am an attorney and I basically couldn't read/focus with all the sleep deprivation and distraction).

[Anonymous]

I had a 32 week baby who spent one month in the nicu. It was before remote work was big, so I didn't even consider working. I spent an additional week in thr hospital after birth, both for physical recovery (it was rough) and because my baby was there and they offered me extra patient time to be close. When I went home I was driving to the hospital every day. My husband did go back to work, and took his leave after the baby came home. But I spent my time at the nicu or at home pumping. It was very emotionally draining.

We did not have as much at home time obviously, but that was just the reality. I was bonding with my baby at the nicu. I took 12 weeks total so still had 2 months of leave at home (which were exhausting and draining keeping up with feeding schedules... i actually missed the nicu nurse help!).

Good luck to you and your baby!

[Anonymous]

I say this not in a mean way - your expectations are unrealistic. I can understand wanting to maximize time at home with your baby, but I don’t think there’s a world in which you can have your leave start when your baby comes home vs when you give birth. None of the NICU moms I have known have done this. You’ll be recovering from major surgery, sleep deprived, and the hormone crash the first couple of weeks can be very intense. Not to mention the stress of leaving your baby in the hospital and shuttling back and forth for the length of the NICU stay.

[Anonymous]

Go by the due date. You’ll need extra time than if you delivered at term. So tack on the 5-6 weeks to what would have been your leave term even if unpaid - if you can cover that. Workplace should honor. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I had a 34-weeker. She was in the NICU 11 days. A good friend had a 34-weeker who was in the NICU for almost 30 days (the baby had trouble learning how to suckle). Every baby and situation is different.

Is this your first baby? I already had a child and had to split my mind and heart into two and be OK with always leaving one behind to give my full focus to the one I was with. I couldn't spend all my time at the NICU and trusted the nurses to look after my baby. (I trusted the doctors too but really, it's the nurses who run the NICU.)

A job is different to an existing child, but it could work the same. If you can, I would suggest trying to work and save the bulk of your leave for when the baby comes homes. In my experience, life gets so much more challenging once the premie comes home. Their schedule is more demanding than a full-term baby and they don't follow the same milestones. There were so many doctor appointments (regular pediatrician, developmental pediatrician, PT, OT, early intervention). I was already at home with our other child, but those first months were still overwhelming. At one point, my husband was so exhausted he thought he was having a stroke. I don't type this to scare you - those early weeks were wonderful and sweet and watching my premie grow and change was awesome. But you asked for opinions and that's mine.

[Anonymous]

Any company with an ounce of humanity would offer a few extra months of leave for a premie situation, at least unpaid. And hopefully you have enough of a financial cushion that you can take that leave, or quit your job if your employer turns out to be nasty.

[Anonymous]

OP are you in DC? Because DC has 16 weeks of FMLA and thus 16 weeks of job protection.
As far as funding that time you likely qualify for DC paid leave *even if you get other leave through your job* this feels odd to many people but it is true.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for everyone’s responses. Based on this I’m talking to HR about taking 16 - 18 weeks. Hoping that’s enough.

Another question (and again thank you all so much for your help) - did having a preemie push you towards nanny instead of daycare? We did a daycare situation with my daughter but I’m thinking a nanny may be better in terms of reduced risk of illnesses?

[Anonymous]

Think it depends on your babies health and your job. My sister delivered twins at 24 weeks. She definitely returned to work but I think reduced her hours and visited the nicu every day. They were then super high risk for rsv and still hooked to oxygen when home so they definitely needed her home then ( and eventually needed a nanny and to avoid daycare). But 16 weeks in nicu is different then possibly 2

[Anonymous]

34 weeks is very early for a c section, usually they wait until later. Maybe get a second opinion just to be sure it is necessary to go so early?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:34 weeks is very early for a c section, usually they wait until later. Maybe get a second opinion just to be sure it is necessary to go so early?

.

I have vasa previa so it’s the standard of care to deliver early.