Maternity leave with a premie (34 weeker)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:34 weeks is very early for a c section, usually they wait until later. Maybe get a second opinion just to be sure it is necessary to go so early?

.

I have vasa previa so it’s the standard of care to deliver early.

PP no one is getting an elective C at 34 weeks. Obviously OP's is medically indicated and that's not what she's asking for random Internet advice on.

[Anonymous]

I had 32 week twins that were delivered bc I had severe pre-eclampsia. I was in rough shape for a week but then ended up working from the NicU. I wasn’t required to go back (not fed) but I needed something to do in the nicu other than obsess about every little thing with my preemies. Yes you need to pump and it’s amazing to be able to hold and bond with them but my reality was that was really just for minimal time each day because they needed to be in the incubators. I had to leave the NICU during shift changes but otherwise pretty much camped out there for a month. I got a lot done and otherwise would have gone nuts in between times when I was able to hold them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any company with an ounce of humanity would offer a few extra months of leave for a premie situation, at least unpaid. And hopefully you have enough of a financial cushion that you can take that leave, or quit your job if your employer turns out to be nasty.

Most companies don’t have an ounce of humanity. I work for a supposedly progressive organization that is stingy with parental leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Won’t you need time for physical recovery right away? I would at least start your leave.

I’m worried that would mean only 8 or so weeks with the baby. Did anyone work from home during the NICU stay while recovering?

I don't think there's any reason to believe a 34 weeker will need 4 weeks in the NICU.

I can't really understand the alternative to taking leave beginning with the birth - do you think you could go to work for 1-3 weeks, beginning the day after surgery, and then check back out when the baby comes home? You're going to need to physically recover, work on breastfeeding (if you choose), sleeeeeeeeeep and cry and all the other things that come with the hormone crash.

Now if the idea is that your work will let you take 2-3 weeks of sick leave to recover from surgery, and then start the clock on mat leave when your baby comes home: yes, do that. Get all the time.

Actually there are plenty of 34 weekers that need that long in the NICU. It depends on a lot of factors. Mine came home after 27 days. What they tell you is that to plan on them coming home near their due date, although many are home earlier.

For the OP, I actually tried to start my maternity leave when later when I had my 34 weeker, although mine was unexpected (PPROM). HR told me that it wasn't possible because maternity leave was for me and my recovery, and not tied to the baby's health. Granted this was a number of years ago so general thinking may have changed, but I imagine there are still HR departments that follow this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for everyone’s responses. Based on this I’m talking to HR about taking 16 - 18 weeks. Hoping that’s enough.

Another question (and again thank you all so much for your help) - did having a preemie push you towards nanny instead of daycare? We did a daycare situation with my daughter but I’m thinking a nanny may be better in terms of reduced risk of illnesses?

If your husband has leave, I'd make sure he also takes the maximum and stagger it with yours to extend the time the baby is cared for by a parent.

If your older daughter is in daycare, that will already bring illnesses into the house. You'd want a nanny for both, but then you'd lose your daycare slot.

[Anonymous]

Op - thinking of you and so grateful that you’re delivering early. I know of a baby who was stillborn at 36 weeks from a ruptured vasa previa, and it absolutely gutted the family.

On a separate note, my DH did work remotely while we were in the NICU to extend his leave. I don’t think he got in full days, but he got enough done that his understanding employer was fine with it. It would have been hard for me to do that as the mom, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - thinking of you and so grateful that you’re delivering early. I know of a baby who was stillborn at 36 weeks from a ruptured vasa previa, and it absolutely gutted the family.

On a separate note, my DH did work remotely while we were in the NICU to extend his leave. I don’t think he got in full days, but he got enough done that his understanding employer was fine with it. It would have been hard for me to do that as the mom, though.

Thank you. It is definitely hard to wrap my head around how risky vasa previa can be - I’m hoping we deliver a healthy baby.

Did you deal with any developmental delays?

[Anonymous]

What is your company’s maternity leave policy? A coworker delivered very early and was able to take medical leave in addition to our company’s maternity leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - thinking of you and so grateful that you’re delivering early. I know of a baby who was stillborn at 36 weeks from a ruptured vasa previa, and it absolutely gutted the family.

On a separate note, my DH did work remotely while we were in the NICU to extend his leave. I don’t think he got in full days, but he got enough done that his understanding employer was fine with it. It would have been hard for me to do that as the mom, though.

Thank you. It is definitely hard to wrap my head around how risky vasa previa can be - I’m hoping we deliver a healthy baby.

Did you deal with any developmental delays?

So far no delays, but my baby was a 35 weeker!

Are you delivering at a hospital with a convenient and good Nicu? Ours (inova fix) did everything possible to make things as easy on us as possible.

[Anonymous]

Update: it looks like I’ll be able to take the time off I need between sick leave, STD and maternity leave. Thank you to everyone’s advice as I was definitely being unrealistic. I’m praying for a healthy baby.

[Anonymous]

I had an emergency delivery (vaginal) at 34 weeks. Baby was healthy but needed 10 day NICU stay to put on weight. I started my leave right away (8 years ago WFH wasn't an option) and it wasn't TOO bad because it was only 10 days. (I was discharged after 2). And honestly I needed to start pumping and all I wanted to do was stay in the NICU with her for feedings etc. You should at the worst only lose 2 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an emergency delivery (vaginal) at 34 weeks. Baby was healthy but needed 10 day NICU stay to put on weight. I started my leave right away (8 years ago WFH wasn't an option) and it wasn't TOO bad because it was only 10 days. (I was discharged after 2). And honestly I needed to start pumping and all I wanted to do was stay in the NICU with her for feedings etc. You should at the worst only lose 2 weeks.

Thank you - how is your 34 weeker now? Anything I should expect in terms of developmental delays or other issues?

[Anonymous]

Brutal OP. No advice, only sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for everyone’s responses. Based on this I’m talking to HR about taking 16 - 18 weeks. Hoping that’s enough.

Another question (and again thank you all so much for your help) - did having a preemie push you towards nanny instead of daycare? We did a daycare situation with my daughter but I’m thinking a nanny may be better in terms of reduced risk of illnesses?

If your husband has leave, I'd make sure he also takes the maximum and stagger it with yours to extend the time the baby is cared for by a parent.

If your older daughter is in daycare, that will already bring illnesses into the house. You'd want a nanny for both, but then you'd lose your daycare slot.

OP I wrote earlier about having preemie twins. We were explicitly told no daycare, no group situations, keep young kids away, etc. This was before Covid, too. We had a long list of things we were told not to do for the first 6 months. We to the babies to a restaurant right after the 6 month mark and one of them developed rsv 3 days later and ended up in the PICU. I don’t want to sound crazy, but preemies have to be treated differently for a while. I have 2 other kids and didn’t have to be nearly so cautious.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP!
I had a 34 weeker (born at 34+3) due to be developing severe preeclampsia. I had a c section due to him being breech. He came out weighing 4 lbs 7 ozs and came out screaming and needed no oxygen support at all. He did go to the nicu and spent 15 days there strictly as a feeder and grower. He never needed any oxygen at all and besides needing 2 days under the bilirubin light, he was healthy. I personally own my own business and work from home so I had a lot of flexibility but ultimately ended up “closing” for a month. I tried to work while he was in the nicu but my head wasn’t in it. I was recovering from a major surgery, pumping every 3 hours around the clock, and dealing with the major emotions that come with having a preemie in the NICU and no part of me could focus on work. Luckily I had amazing clients at the time who understood my need to “close” for a month and focus on my baby. If I were you, I’d absolutely start your leave when baby is born. Trust me, you won’t be able to or focus on work dealing with everything that comes with a preemie and Nicu baby.

Also to answer your question you asked another poster, my son is 20 months old now and the happiest and healthiest little boy. You’d never know he was a preemie by looking at him and at his 1 year appt, his dr said he wasn’t on the preemie charts anymore. He rolled over on time, sat up early, etc. He was a late walker (15 months) but other than that, not delayed in anything. He says over 50 words now, can count to 5, can point to certain letters and numbers when you ask, etc.!