Allowing dangerous play

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I'd sit down and tell your kids that part of being old enough to do these dangerous things is being mature enough to stop immediately when asked, and that for the next while they aren't allowed to do them. And then I'd enforce that, for a good long while. No trees, no running on the playground, etc . . . Kids who can't listen in an age appropriate way, can't do age appropriate things.

If, in a few months they tell you they're ready to listen, maybe try again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure whether having a lower threshold for dangerous play means you allow more or less?

I allow more dangerous play than other parents.

Buttt why

Because i think its good for them to learn to manage risk at a younger age to be safer when they are older.

I'm someone who allows a fair amount of risk. But freedom to play, and experiences with things like woodworking tools and stoves and knives in the kitchen.

But, I also think there's value in learning to manage social situations from a younger age, and allowing your kids to show off behaviors that their friends aren't allowed to do is teaching them to be obnoxious. Find other opportunities for risks, and set limits in the situations you describe where other parents are saying no.

For the situations in your own home, when the other parents aren't there, it's harder because you might allow something, that you don't know the other parent wouldn't allow.

In those situations, I do tell my kids to stop what they're doing, that they're being bad influences. But one of my kids is a bit oppositional and defiant, so doesn't listen. And in a situation like that, where we have always allowed them to do the said thing (like climb high up a tree), I can't seem to convince them why they should come down. And if I bring up the other kids, it just seems to make them resent their presence more because it limits them from doing their normal thing.

Wow, OK so that's a whole different problem. What consequences do you have for that kind of defiance?

Honestly, I haven't given consequences for that specific type of defiance. #1, this is a kid that does not respond well to consequences. #2, trying to prevent it is like trying to prevent a dog from sniffing butts. It goes against the very nature of my kid's being. #3, if I punish for this, it would only create negative feelings toward those other kids for my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I'd sit down and tell your kids that part of being old enough to do these dangerous things is being mature enough to stop immediately when asked, and that for the next while they aren't allowed to do them. And then I'd enforce that, for a good long while. No trees, no running on the playground, etc . . . Kids who can't listen in an age appropriate way, can't do age appropriate things.

If, in a few months they tell you they're ready to listen, maybe try again.

I can tell you that this approach would go very, very badly for my one kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure whether having a lower threshold for dangerous play means you allow more or less?

I allow more dangerous play than other parents.

Buttt why

Because i think its good for them to learn to manage risk at a younger age to be safer when they are older.

I'm someone who allows a fair amount of risk. But freedom to play, and experiences with things like woodworking tools and stoves and knives in the kitchen.

But, I also think there's value in learning to manage social situations from a younger age, and allowing your kids to show off behaviors that their friends aren't allowed to do is teaching them to be obnoxious. Find other opportunities for risks, and set limits in the situations you describe where other parents are saying no.

For the situations in your own home, when the other parents aren't there, it's harder because you might allow something, that you don't know the other parent wouldn't allow.

In those situations, I do tell my kids to stop what they're doing, that they're being bad influences. But one of my kids is a bit oppositional and defiant, so doesn't listen. And in a situation like that, where we have always allowed them to do the said thing (like climb high up a tree), I can't seem to convince them why they should come down. And if I bring up the other kids, it just seems to make them resent their presence more because it limits them from doing their normal thing.

I think if you are going to host kids and allow them to do things that are outside their comfort zone, you need to supervise them really well and help those kids understand their limits. Like, if your kid climbs really high in a tree and you know he can handle it, but then Billy says "my mom never lets me go that high!" you ask how high his mom lets him go, help him run his own race rather than trying to do the same thing as your kid, etc. You can TRY to tell your kid "you can't go up to the top because Billy can't go up to the top" but it's better not to pit kids against each other. Either choose activities where you won't have to police the kids ability levels or supervise them more closely.

The oppositionality thing has nothing to do with other people's parenting or other kids' abilities. That is something you need to work out with your own kid outside play dates and dangerous play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure whether having a lower threshold for dangerous play means you allow more or less?

I allow more dangerous play than other parents.

Buttt why

Because i think its good for them to learn to manage risk at a younger age to be safer when they are older.

I'm someone who allows a fair amount of risk. But freedom to play, and experiences with things like woodworking tools and stoves and knives in the kitchen.

But, I also think there's value in learning to manage social situations from a younger age, and allowing your kids to show off behaviors that their friends aren't allowed to do is teaching them to be obnoxious. Find other opportunities for risks, and set limits in the situations you describe where other parents are saying no.

For the situations in your own home, when the other parents aren't there, it's harder because you might allow something, that you don't know the other parent wouldn't allow.

In those situations, I do tell my kids to stop what they're doing, that they're being bad influences. But one of my kids is a bit oppositional and defiant, so doesn't listen. And in a situation like that, where we have always allowed them to do the said thing (like climb high up a tree), I can't seem to convince them why they should come down. And if I bring up the other kids, it just seems to make them resent their presence more because it limits them from doing their normal thing.

Wow, OK so that's a whole different problem. What consequences do you have for that kind of defiance?

Honestly, I haven't given consequences for that specific type of defiance. #1, this is a kid that does not respond well to consequences. #2, trying to prevent it is like trying to prevent a dog from sniffing butts. It goes against the very nature of my kid's being. #3, if I punish for this, it would only create negative feelings toward those other kids for my kid.

Don't know if your DC has a diagnosis or not. Mine does and yes, it can be difficult. But safety is more important than my DC's desires - so we don't do many playdates. Basically only cousins.

Indulging your DC isn't fair to other children. He will mature in time. Maybe in a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure whether having a lower threshold for dangerous play means you allow more or less?

I allow more dangerous play than other parents.

Buttt why

Because i think its good for them to learn to manage risk at a younger age to be safer when they are older.

I'm someone who allows a fair amount of risk. But freedom to play, and experiences with things like woodworking tools and stoves and knives in the kitchen.

But, I also think there's value in learning to manage social situations from a younger age, and allowing your kids to show off behaviors that their friends aren't allowed to do is teaching them to be obnoxious. Find other opportunities for risks, and set limits in the situations you describe where other parents are saying no.

For the situations in your own home, when the other parents aren't there, it's harder because you might allow something, that you don't know the other parent wouldn't allow.

How is it teaching them to be obnoxious when they have no way of knowing what the other kids are not allowed to do?

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure whether having a lower threshold for dangerous play means you allow more or less?

I allow more dangerous play than other parents.

Buttt why

Because i think its good for them to learn to manage risk at a younger age to be safer when they are older.

Yeah i don't really manage that aspect of play. I don't allow dangerous tools though. So go climb a tall tree by don't throw rocks.

[Anonymous]

I think you go with "if you can't do it at home you can't do it here" and move on to another activity.

Mine played tag, had nerf guns, and slid down the stairs in the Christmas tree box. They had fun. Fortunately their froend's parents were ok with all of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure whether having a lower threshold for dangerous play means you allow more or less?

I allow more dangerous play than other parents.

Buttt why

Because i think its good for them to learn to manage risk at a younger age to be safer when they are older.

I'm someone who allows a fair amount of risk. But freedom to play, and experiences with things like woodworking tools and stoves and knives in the kitchen.

But, I also think there's value in learning to manage social situations from a younger age, and allowing your kids to show off behaviors that their friends aren't allowed to do is teaching them to be obnoxious. Find other opportunities for risks, and set limits in the situations you describe where other parents are saying no.

For the situations in your own home, when the other parents aren't there, it's harder because you might allow something, that you don't know the other parent wouldn't allow.

How is it teaching them to be obnoxious when they have no way of knowing what the other kids are not allowed to do?

If the other parent is right there telling their kid "you can't climb trees" and OP's kid is there, then OP's kid does in fact know what the other kid is not allowed to do.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you getting help? Because you started this talking about situations where two parents have different levels of comfort with certain types of play. But it sounds like the issue is that your kid has serious defiance problems and you don't have strategies to deal with it.

The latter can be really hard to address, but are you trying to address it? Because it sounds like a crisis situation.

[Anonymous]

Op, my kids do plenty of climbing trees, digging, playing in mud.

I just tell the parents beforehand. I ask if they're comfortable and suggest a change of clothes. Most parents are perfectly happy.

Also, you need to have control if you're allowing stuff like that. If you don't come down when I tell you to, there is a consequence

[Anonymous]

If other people’s kids often get hurt at your house, then you are allowing too much dangerous play. You are right to limit it when friends are over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure whether having a lower threshold for dangerous play means you allow more or less?

I allow more dangerous play than other parents.

Buttt why

Because i think its good for them to learn to manage risk at a younger age to be safer when they are older.

I'm someone who allows a fair amount of risk. But freedom to play, and experiences with things like woodworking tools and stoves and knives in the kitchen.

But, I also think there's value in learning to manage social situations from a younger age, and allowing your kids to show off behaviors that their friends aren't allowed to do is teaching them to be obnoxious. Find other opportunities for risks, and set limits in the situations you describe where other parents are saying no.

For the situations in your own home, when the other parents aren't there, it's harder because you might allow something, that you don't know the other parent wouldn't allow.

In those situations, I do tell my kids to stop what they're doing, that they're being bad influences. But one of my kids is a bit oppositional and defiant, so doesn't listen. And in a situation like that, where we have always allowed them to do the said thing (like climb high up a tree), I can't seem to convince them why they should come down. And if I bring up the other kids, it just seems to make them resent their presence more because it limits them from doing their normal thing.

Wow, OK so that's a whole different problem. What consequences do you have for that kind of defiance?

She doesn't have any. Her kids are brats and she is lazy.

Reread her first post. None of those behaviors are egregious. Most parents are Ok with those things.

Now read her second post.

She lets them do whatever no guidance at all. Which is different from just letting them be Kids.

Nope she has no rules. That is why kids are getting hurt.

It is fine to. teach your kids to think for themselves absolutely that is not what is happening here.

My guess is if her kid wanted to jump off the roof of her house she'd be fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure whether having a lower threshold for dangerous play means you allow more or less?

I allow more dangerous play than other parents.

Buttt why

Because i think its good for them to learn to manage risk at a younger age to be safer when they are older.

I'm someone who allows a fair amount of risk. But freedom to play, and experiences with things like woodworking tools and stoves and knives in the kitchen.

But, I also think there's value in learning to manage social situations from a younger age, and allowing your kids to show off behaviors that their friends aren't allowed to do is teaching them to be obnoxious. Find other opportunities for risks, and set limits in the situations you describe where other parents are saying no.

For the situations in your own home, when the other parents aren't there, it's harder because you might allow something, that you don't know the other parent wouldn't allow.

In those situations, I do tell my kids to stop what they're doing, that they're being bad influences. But one of my kids is a bit oppositional and defiant, so doesn't listen. And in a situation like that, where we have always allowed them to do the said thing (like climb high up a tree), I can't seem to convince them why they should come down. And if I bring up the other kids, it just seems to make them resent their presence more because it limits them from doing their normal thing.

Wow, OK so that's a whole different problem. What consequences do you have for that kind of defiance?

She doesn't have any. Her kids are brats and she is lazy.

Reread her first post. None of those behaviors are egregious. Most parents are Ok with those things.

Now read her second post.

She lets them do whatever no guidance at all. Which is different from just letting them be Kids.

Nope she has no rules. That is why kids are getting hurt.

It is fine to. teach your kids to think for themselves absolutely that is not what is happening here.

My guess is if her kid wanted to jump off the roof of her house she'd be fine with it.

She’s lazy