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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am not sure whether having a lower threshold for dangerous play means you allow more or less?[/quote]

I allow more dangerous play than other parents.[/quote]

Buttt why [/quote]

Because i think its good for them to learn to manage risk at a younger age to be safer when they are older.[/quote]

I'm someone who allows a fair amount of risk.  But freedom to play, and experiences with things like woodworking tools and stoves and knives in the kitchen.

But, I also think there's value in learning to manage social situations from a younger age, and allowing your kids to show off behaviors that their friends aren't allowed to do is teaching them to be obnoxious.  Find other opportunities for risks, and set limits in the situations you describe where other parents are saying no.

For the situations in your own home, when the other parents aren't there, it's harder because you might allow something, that you don't know the other parent wouldn't allow.[/quote]

In those situations, I do tell my kids to stop what they're doing, that they're being bad influences.  But one of my kids is a bit oppositional and defiant, so doesn't listen.  And in a situation like that, where we have always allowed them to do the said thing (like climb high up a tree), I can't seem to convince them why they should come down.  And if I bring up the other kids, it just seems to make them resent their presence more because it limits them from doing their normal thing.[/quote]

I think if you are going to host kids and allow them to do things that are outside their comfort zone, you need to supervise them really well and help those kids understand their limits. Like, if your kid climbs really high in a tree and you know he can handle it, but then Billy says "my mom never lets me go that high!" you ask how high his mom lets him go, help him run his own race rather than trying to do the same thing as your kid, etc. You can TRY to tell your kid "you can't go up to the top because Billy can't go up to the top" but it's better not to pit kids against each other. Either choose activities where you won't have to police the kids ability levels or supervise them more closely.

The oppositionality thing has nothing to do with other people's parenting or other kids' abilities. That is something you need to work out with your own kid outside play dates and dangerous play.[/quote]

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