Allowing dangerous play

[Anonymous]

I think we have much lower thresholds for dangerous activities than other parents do. Knock on wood, no one has ended up seriously injured, apart from a couple knicks and bruises.

Not sure how to manage this when our kids' friends come over, or when they play together. There have been a couple times when another child got hurt doing something that my kids do all the time, but maybe aren't as practiced at. But our kids started the activity. Like playing tag at a playground, playing night-time tag, sliding down our stairs, or something similar. I have started prohibiting anything where the other kids might get hurt, but I am really starting to feel like a wet blanket.

How would you handle?

[Anonymous]

I’m ok with all the things you suggested. I don’t have ideas

[Anonymous]

I am not sure whether having a lower threshold for dangerous play means you allow more or less?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure whether having a lower threshold for dangerous play means you allow more or less?

I allow more dangerous play than other parents.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am also really mindful of this discrepancy when our kids are playing and the other parents are around. Their kids see our kids doing something, and then their kids want to do the same thing. But it's something the other kids would never allow their kids to do. Either because they are more cautious, or because they are younger.

But in effect, our kids are the bad influences and the other parents end up having to set limits or deal with whining and tantrums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure whether having a lower threshold for dangerous play means you allow more or less?

I allow more dangerous play than other parents.

Buttt why

[Anonymous]

OP, when you have other kids over, you should attempt to keep them safe. Sure, things happen. But you seem to be aware that your kids bring out wildness in other kids. (Fwiw, we have found it to be true that ADHD kids attract ADHD kids. Something for you to think about.)

Sounds like you need smaller playdates. Or shorter. Or with more adults around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure whether having a lower threshold for dangerous play means you allow more or less?

I allow more dangerous play than other parents.

Buttt why

Because i think its good for them to learn to manage risk at a younger age to be safer when they are older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, when you have other kids over, you should attempt to keep them safe. Sure, things happen. But you seem to be aware that your kids bring out wildness in other kids. (Fwiw, we have found it to be true that ADHD kids attract ADHD kids. Something for you to think about.)

Sounds like you need smaller playdates. Or shorter. Or with more adults around.

Yes I am aware. And I find myself always policing. Or just limiting playdates to just one kid at a time, or limiting them altogether. But I don't think that's the best approach.

[Anonymous]

Playing tag or sliding down the stairs is not dangerous. It’s normal childhood behavior.
Vaping or doing drugs is dangerous, so is unmonitored screen time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure whether having a lower threshold for dangerous play means you allow more or less?

I allow more dangerous play than other parents.

Buttt why

Because i think its good for them to learn to manage risk at a younger age to be safer when they are older.

I'm someone who allows a fair amount of risk. But freedom to play, and experiences with things like woodworking tools and stoves and knives in the kitchen.

But, I also think there's value in learning to manage social situations from a younger age, and allowing your kids to show off behaviors that their friends aren't allowed to do is teaching them to be obnoxious. Find other opportunities for risks, and set limits in the situations you describe where other parents are saying no.

For the situations in your own home, when the other parents aren't there, it's harder because you might allow something, that you don't know the other parent wouldn't allow.

[Anonymous]

Be more hands off. You shouldn't need to be policing if you truly think it's an ok activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Playing tag or sliding down the stairs is not dangerous. It’s normal childhood behavior.
Vaping or doing drugs is dangerous, so is unmonitored screen time.

It's not always easy for me to gauge what other parents deem as dangerous.

Sometimes I'll say to the kids, if your parents don't allow you to do it at home, then don't do it here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure whether having a lower threshold for dangerous play means you allow more or less?

I allow more dangerous play than other parents.

Buttt why

Because i think its good for them to learn to manage risk at a younger age to be safer when they are older.

I'm someone who allows a fair amount of risk. But freedom to play, and experiences with things like woodworking tools and stoves and knives in the kitchen.

But, I also think there's value in learning to manage social situations from a younger age, and allowing your kids to show off behaviors that their friends aren't allowed to do is teaching them to be obnoxious. Find other opportunities for risks, and set limits in the situations you describe where other parents are saying no.

For the situations in your own home, when the other parents aren't there, it's harder because you might allow something, that you don't know the other parent wouldn't allow.

In those situations, I do tell my kids to stop what they're doing, that they're being bad influences. But one of my kids is a bit oppositional and defiant, so doesn't listen. And in a situation like that, where we have always allowed them to do the said thing (like climb high up a tree), I can't seem to convince them why they should come down. And if I bring up the other kids, it just seems to make them resent their presence more because it limits them from doing their normal thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure whether having a lower threshold for dangerous play means you allow more or less?

I allow more dangerous play than other parents.

Buttt why

Because i think its good for them to learn to manage risk at a younger age to be safer when they are older.

I'm someone who allows a fair amount of risk. But freedom to play, and experiences with things like woodworking tools and stoves and knives in the kitchen.

But, I also think there's value in learning to manage social situations from a younger age, and allowing your kids to show off behaviors that their friends aren't allowed to do is teaching them to be obnoxious. Find other opportunities for risks, and set limits in the situations you describe where other parents are saying no.

For the situations in your own home, when the other parents aren't there, it's harder because you might allow something, that you don't know the other parent wouldn't allow.

In those situations, I do tell my kids to stop what they're doing, that they're being bad influences. But one of my kids is a bit oppositional and defiant, so doesn't listen. And in a situation like that, where we have always allowed them to do the said thing (like climb high up a tree), I can't seem to convince them why they should come down. And if I bring up the other kids, it just seems to make them resent their presence more because it limits them from doing their normal thing.

Wow, OK so that's a whole different problem. What consequences do you have for that kind of defiance?