Attending Funeral of Estranged Family Member

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t seen my aunt’s estranged husband in a gazillion years. If he died and I heard about it, I’d go. Even though he hasn’t been around lately, he was still a part of my childhood. And the father of my cousins, who I’m very fond of.

Once upon a time, going to a funeral used to be called “paying your respects”. Does it cost you that much to do that?

Do you pay respects to a person you don't care for?

[Anonymous]

I recently came around to deciding that I would attend my stepmother and father’s funeral, just because it would be too attention seeking to stay home. I want peace and the easier route is to just go with the flow. But if they had been physically or sexually abusive I wouldn’t. They’re just big ‘ol jerks about 50% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t seen my aunt’s estranged husband in a gazillion years. If he died and I heard about it, I’d go. Even though he hasn’t been around lately, he was still a part of my childhood. And the father of my cousins, who I’m very fond of.

Once upon a time, going to a funeral used to be called “paying your respects”. Does it cost you that much to do that?

Do you pay respects to a person you don't care for?

Of course! You can still be respectful of people you don’t care for. Do unto others and all that.

A society where people can be polite and show respect to all men and women is a good one, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My aspergers husband thinks he needs to go to every he ever hears about. Flying. 3 degrees of separation. A neighbor they never spoke to. A coworkers spouse, they barely knew either.
No sense of judgment or appropriateness. Just guessing in the dark.

That actually sounds very kind.

Sounds more attention grabby.

"Look how many friends I have! I attend tons of funerals to support all my friends!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t seen my aunt’s estranged husband in a gazillion years. If he died and I heard about it, I’d go. Even though he hasn’t been around lately, he was still a part of my childhood. And the father of my cousins, who I’m very fond of.

Once upon a time, going to a funeral used to be called “paying your respects”. Does it cost you that much to do that?

Do you pay respects to a person you don't care for?

Of course! You can still be respectful of people you don’t care for. Do unto others and all that.

A society where people can be polite and show respect to all men and women is a good one, actually.

Sounds like a sham. Why would you bother their family if you dont even like this person? Save a seat and the nibbles for people who cared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My aspergers husband thinks he needs to go to every he ever hears about. Flying. 3 degrees of separation. A neighbor they never spoke to. A coworkers spouse, they barely knew either.
No sense of judgment or appropriateness. Just guessing in the dark.

Are you on the spectrum, too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My aspergers husband thinks he needs to go to every he ever hears about. Flying. 3 degrees of separation. A neighbor they never spoke to. A coworkers spouse, they barely knew either.
No sense of judgment or appropriateness. Just guessing in the dark.

That actually sounds very kind.

Sounds more attention grabby.

"Look how many friends I have! I attend tons of funerals to support all my friends!"

You don't know many adults with autism, do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t seen my aunt’s estranged husband in a gazillion years. If he died and I heard about it, I’d go. Even though he hasn’t been around lately, he was still a part of my childhood. And the father of my cousins, who I’m very fond of.

Once upon a time, going to a funeral used to be called “paying your respects”. Does it cost you that much to do that?

Do you pay respects to a person you don't care for?

If their family would appreciate your presence and you care about them, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My aspergers husband thinks he needs to go to every he ever hears about. Flying. 3 degrees of separation. A neighbor they never spoke to. A coworkers spouse, they barely knew either.
No sense of judgment or appropriateness. Just guessing in the dark.

That actually sounds very kind.

Sounds more attention grabby.

"Look how many friends I have! I attend tons of funerals to support all my friends!"

You don't know many adults with autism, do you?

You are correct.

I dont see it as "kind" to attend random peoples funerals, especially ones that you dont even know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you estranged?

+1 and are you still speaking to all the other relatives?

[Anonymous]

If it's someone I've just lost touch with, of course I'd go. I'd want to support my other family members. If it's someone I was truly estranged from, i.e., deliberately no longer had contact with, it would depend on what their relationship was to me and the reason for the estrangement.

I finally got tired of Uncle Larlo talking racist smack at Thanksgiving and stopped going to Aunt Mildred's once a year? Yeah, I'd go.

Stepfather Larlo abused me for ten years? No way I'd go and listen to others talk about how much he'll be missed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My aspergers husband thinks he needs to go to every he ever hears about. Flying. 3 degrees of separation. A neighbor they never spoke to. A coworkers spouse, they barely knew either.
No sense of judgment or appropriateness. Just guessing in the dark.

That actually sounds very kind.

Sounds more attention grabby.

"Look how many friends I have! I attend tons of funerals to support all my friends!"

You don't know many adults with autism, do you?

You are correct.

I dont see it as "kind" to attend random peoples funerals, especially ones that you dont even know.

Well I do know many and that is not how they think. You are unkind, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My aspergers husband thinks he needs to go to every he ever hears about. Flying. 3 degrees of separation. A neighbor they never spoke to. A coworkers spouse, they barely knew either.
No sense of judgment or appropriateness. Just guessing in the dark.

This cracks me up. Do people ever seem a little awkward about it?

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Funerals are about the living, not the dead person. You might go to express condolences if you know/care about survivors. There might be other people there you like and could spend time with. Or you could send a card and wake up with suspiciously covid-like symptoms the day of the event.