Elder obsession with constipation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:P.S. My father was "diagnosed" with dementia when it was an UTI. I insisted that he be tested, then treated for that, and lo and behold, he was perfectly fine after that.

UTIs frequently present as dementia.

That is also well known, and often repeated on these boards. You seem very, very worried about this. OP appears to have everything well in hand. Maybe you should relax.

If she has things so well in hand then why is she posting here?
You seem triggered by me not just saying, Yep, old, worried, dementia. Done!

Also, you saying UTIs presenting as dementia is well-known, then why did the ER I took my dad to quick to say dementia and hospice. He is now back to driving and playing tennis. Of course this is anecdotal, but I simply object how there is a/some poster/s here who everything is diagnosed: Dementia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:P.S. My father was "diagnosed" with dementia when it was an UTI. I insisted that he be tested, then treated for that, and lo and behold, he was perfectly fine after that.

UTIs frequently present as dementia.

That is also well known, and often repeated on these boards. You seem very, very worried about this. OP appears to have everything well in hand. Maybe you should relax.

If she has things so well in hand then why is she posting here?
You seem triggered by me not just saying, Yep, old, worried, dementia. Done!

Also, you saying UTIs presenting as dementia is well-known, then why did the ER I took my dad to quick to say dementia and hospice. He is now back to driving and playing tennis. Of course this is anecdotal, but I simply object how there is a/some poster/s here who everything is diagnosed: Dementia.

Also, I would have no problem with someone saying: Look into dementia. But the pronouncement of dementia to me is irresponsible when the poster is saying it to people who are in a vulnerable state dealing with the stress of an elderly relative. How is it even possible to be certain of that when it is an internet conversation with very few facts available. It's guessing. And that can be dangerous to someone who is vulnerable.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for your replies and it is helpful to know that others have experienced a version of this. It sounds like there just isn’t much to do besides taking him to the specialists and see what they say. I think even getting some anti-anxiety meds would help. We’ve tried SSRIs in the past but he has fallen a few times so the doctor didn’t think this was a safe option. I’m hoping a Geriatric psychiatrist might have some other options for us. What a sad situation. Heartbreaking for all but especially for my Dad 😢

Thanks for the shoulders!

[Anonymous]

Yes, as previous posters said, the anxiety ramps up with dementia (also sometimes just with mild non dementia cognitive impairment) and bowel movements are actually really important. I have know several who died of a blockage. One was a friend's mom who didn't like to talk about those things and waited too long to explore. Not good to be obsessed, but at least he will talk about it. My grandparents were pretty obsessed with their prune juice.

[soccermommd]

Interesting! Yes, my elderly mom spent most of her life avoiding doctors and hospitals at all costs and now has been going into the ER via ambulance regularly over the last few months since moving into an independent living place largely for no critical health reasons. She's also obsessed with her bowel movements (or lack of). It's been hard to understand WHY after a lifetime of avoiding hospitals she's going in so often and for no real reasons besides old age and aches and pains. I'm wondering if it's because she's around so many other elderly folks now who obsess over their health or if she has early stage dementia (guessing at this because she's in her 80s so why wouldn't she?) which I hadn't linked to this until this forum. I thought the medical bills would scare her, but she's back in the hospital again after spending most of Nov and Dec back and forth going into hospitals and rehab. Again, largely for nothing other than physical therapy needs.

Anonymous wrote:I just answered a second ago but I also wanted to say that my mom experienced major major health anxiety last year and we went to the ER like 4 times. It was head, it was nerve pain, it was stomach pain, it was heart palpitations, etc.....she had several work ups and ended up admitted for severe nerve pain but the resident doc pulled me aside and said that he suspected dementia, and deep anxiety which manifests physically.
She was indeed diagnosed with stage 3/4 alzheimers right after. Once she started antidepressants and memantine her anxiety went way down. But until then she was like your dad--every day was the edge of a precipice for her and if another resident had something, she had it too, etc....

[Anonymous]

OP here. Just wanted to provide an update. My father woke up this morning in good spirits because he had a much awaited BM last night. I spoke to him on the phone about the anxiety and obsession and how it impacts mom’s (and frankly his own) physical and mental health. We spoke for a while. He shared some things that were helpful to understand. I do think cognitive decline is part of this because, well, that comes with aging just like the physical decline. No one can stop it.

He says that he’s ready to go. That he has lived a great life. He’s the only one left in his family (of that generation) and has outlived his peers on two continents. He’ll be 93 on Friday. He says he’s happy with everything that he has received in his life and wants nothing more. He says he has no earthly needs and doesn’t understand why he’s still here. He prays that when his time comes, that it be peaceful. He is terrified of a painful, bloody death. He has seen it and heard stories of it and, in his confusion as to why he’s still here, he also wonders if he has done something wrong in his life that will lead to a painful death. And he knows he can do nothing about it. He’s wondering if he is being punished because he is still here. My dad was never religious as far as I can remember.

Sigh. It was a deep and enlightening conversation. I can’t save him from this fear. I have no answers. I will likely feel it myself someday if I’m lucky enough to experience longevity but also unlucky enough to experience longevity.

Hopefully this update helps someone else who is struggling with this to understand the mind of an aging person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else experienced this? My elderly father is obsessed with not having a daily bowel movement. He has taken himself to the ER because he believes there is a blockage. There never is. When he gets like this, he’s like a dog with a bone and he is genuinely scared that it’s not happening. He wakes up in the middle of the night and asks my mother (also elderly) to take him to the hospital. I do not want her doing this for many reasons but he is just out of his mind about this and isn’t listening to any reason.

There is definitely cognitive decline going on so I’m starting to make appointments for specialists but since it takes 3 months to actually get in anywhere, I’m curious if others have experienced anything similar and if so, anything other steps I should be taking? TIA

This is really understandable and daily doses of soluble fiber, Miralax with plenty of hydration can help him. Be kind, old age is a 8itch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just wanted to provide an update. My father woke up this morning in good spirits because he had a much awaited BM last night. I spoke to him on the phone about the anxiety and obsession and how it impacts mom’s (and frankly his own) physical and mental health. We spoke for a while. He shared some things that were helpful to understand. I do think cognitive decline is part of this because, well, that comes with aging just like the physical decline. No one can stop it.

He says that he’s ready to go. That he has lived a great life. He’s the only one left in his family (of that generation) and has outlived his peers on two continents. He’ll be 93 on Friday. He says he’s happy with everything that he has received in his life and wants nothing more. He says he has no earthly needs and doesn’t understand why he’s still here. He prays that when his time comes, that it be peaceful. He is terrified of a painful, bloody death. He has seen it and heard stories of it and, in his confusion as to why he’s still here, he also wonders if he has done something wrong in his life that will lead to a painful death. And he knows he can do nothing about it. He’s wondering if he is being punished because he is still here. My dad was never religious as far as I can remember.

Sigh. It was a deep and enlightening conversation. I can’t save him from this fear. I have no answers. I will likely feel it myself someday if I’m lucky enough to experience longevity but also unlucky enough to experience longevity.

Hopefully this update helps someone else who is struggling with this to understand the mind of an aging person.

I'm glad you had such a good conversation and that he's in a good place for the moment, at least!

Does he have a DNR and health care proxy in place, preferably with you or a sibling if you have one, and not your mom (i.e., someone who can make decisions in the moment but is not necessarily also in a similar position of being old with cognitive decline)? The best way he can assure himself of as peaceful a possible passing is to make the decisions right now -- and put them in writing -- that he does not want CPR, he does not want to be intubated, he does not want surgery or cancer treatment if he's diagnosed, he does not want medical interventions, he wants comfort measures only. There is in fact something he can do to help fend off some of the possible, if not probable, causes of painful deaths that we subject the elderly to with medical overtreatment.

That doesn't have to mean he doesn't get meds for anxiety, or try to deal with his bowels so that he's not uncomfortable or unduly worried. (And having a BM every day is not necessary for good health!) But he needs to make sure his wishes are in writing and that everyone understands him, because the default otherwise will be heroic measures if he has a heart attack or stroke, e.g.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks PP! Great advice. He does have this in place but I agree that it’s all of the interventions that ultimately lead to pain or needless suffering.