Elder obsession with constipation?

[Anonymous]

Anyone else experienced this? My elderly father is obsessed with not having a daily bowel movement. He has taken himself to the ER because he believes there is a blockage. There never is. When he gets like this, he’s like a dog with a bone and he is genuinely scared that it’s not happening. He wakes up in the middle of the night and asks my mother (also elderly) to take him to the hospital. I do not want her doing this for many reasons but he is just out of his mind about this and isn’t listening to any reason.

There is definitely cognitive decline going on so I’m starting to make appointments for specialists but since it takes 3 months to actually get in anywhere, I’m curious if others have experienced anything similar and if so, anything other steps I should be taking? TIA

[Anonymous]

Anxiety is normal in cognitive decline.

Older people obsess on this because they see their friends starting to have really serious bowel trouble and they feel like they're next. Or he does already have some real bowel issues but he's not telling you because it's embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Well, it can kill you.

An elderly relative of mine died of a blockage. I thought it was a fluke. Then, DH’s uncle died of one. Okay, that’s two. Weird, but I wasn’t too concerned. Next, my mom was hospitalized for weeks with a blockage. The doctor told us that it’s a horrible way to die and we need to keep an eye on her. She’ll be on a laxative the rest of her life. And she’s a vegetarian.

[Anonymous]

Your father is in the early stages of dementia. My father is similarly anxious, but his obsession is recording every single food he eats, because he's so anxious his (long-standing) eczema has worsened, and he's convinced it must be something he's eating (the same stuff he's always eaten). We're also trying to get him diagnosed, and I want him to try anxiety meds. Your father would benefit too.

Has he tried magnesium, like the Calm powders? It's good for anxiety AND it helps with constipation. Win-win!

But in the long-term, yes, your father probably needs extensive check-ups and is likely progressing into dementia. I'm sorry, OP.

(My great-aunt died of a blockage. No need to worry about that unless he hasn't moved his bowels in a few days.)

[Anonymous]

My mother went through a phase like this last year. It was either constipation or diarrhea. She was terrified she had a blockage or cancer. We went to the GI. They prescribed miralax (now just prune juice). Now she is terrified of diarrhea, and having an accident.

she is also early/moderate stage dementia. I think the very real issues older people have with bowel movements plus the heightened anxiety of dementia leads to this.

Start with prune juice (warm) and go from there. But yes, it is "normal". One of the med techs at my mom's assisted living confirmed that bowel movements are a major topic of discussion and concern among many many residents.

[Anonymous]

I just answered a second ago but I also wanted to say that my mom experienced major major health anxiety last year and we went to the ER like 4 times. It was head, it was nerve pain, it was stomach pain, it was heart palpitations, etc.....she had several work ups and ended up admitted for severe nerve pain but the resident doc pulled me aside and said that he suspected dementia, and deep anxiety which manifests physically.
She was indeed diagnosed with stage 3/4 alzheimers right after. Once she started antidepressants and memantine her anxiety went way down. But until then she was like your dad--every day was the edge of a precipice for her and if another resident had something, she had it too, etc....

[Anonymous]

If you have ease of bowel movement then you can never understand the stress of it not happen easily. As you get older, the body just doesn't work as well. So the concern about making it work well becomes the obsession in a way that work or kids or social life or whatever was an obsession in younger life.

Walk in my shoes before casting stones and throwing things around like: Oh, he is obsessed with something I am not obsessed with so he must have dementia.

And no, I am not elderly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have ease of bowel movement then you can never understand the stress of it not happen easily. As you get older, the body just doesn't work as well. So the concern about making it work well becomes the obsession in a way that work or kids or social life or whatever was an obsession in younger life.

Walk in my shoes before casting stones and throwing things around like: Oh, he is obsessed with something I am not obsessed with so he must have dementia.

And no, I am not elderly.

And you don't understand the pattern of anxiety and obsession that precedes a dementia diagnosis. This isn't about the constipation. It's about the fixation on one issue (whatever it is) and the inability to cope emotionally.

And don't tell us we don't know about constipation! Really, you seem weirdly insulted by this conversation when you shouldn't be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have ease of bowel movement then you can never understand the stress of it not happen easily. As you get older, the body just doesn't work as well. So the concern about making it work well becomes the obsession in a way that work or kids or social life or whatever was an obsession in younger life.

Walk in my shoes before casting stones and throwing things around like: Oh, he is obsessed with something I am not obsessed with so he must have dementia.

And no, I am not elderly.

And you don't understand the pattern of anxiety and obsession that precedes a dementia diagnosis. This isn't about the constipation. It's about the fixation on one issue (whatever it is) and the inability to cope emotionally.

And don't tell us we don't know about constipation! Really, you seem weirdly insulted by this conversation when you shouldn't be.

Yes, I'm bothered by this conversation (and so many others here) because younger people are obsessed with diagnosing their parents with dementia. Their lives frequently cause anxiety. It is hard to age. It is hard to figure out how to manage getting old. But anxiety and dementia are not always the same. I don't disagree that it can be related. But the absolute pronouncement of dementia, yes, insults me.

I have been through this with a father in law, a father and a mother, in that order. It isn't always dementia. And many elderly end up dying early because the assumption is: Dementia! So let's just farm them off to a nursing home. When, frequently it is the nursing home care, or lack thereof, that kills them.

[Anonymous]

P.S. My father was "diagnosed" with dementia when it was an UTI. I insisted that he be tested, then treated for that, and lo and behold, he was perfectly fine after that.

UTIs frequently present as dementia.

[Anonymous]

PP, what is your solution?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have ease of bowel movement then you can never understand the stress of it not happen easily. As you get older, the body just doesn't work as well. So the concern about making it work well becomes the obsession in a way that work or kids or social life or whatever was an obsession in younger life.

Walk in my shoes before casting stones and throwing things around like: Oh, he is obsessed with something I am not obsessed with so he must have dementia.

And no, I am not elderly.

And you don't understand the pattern of anxiety and obsession that precedes a dementia diagnosis. This isn't about the constipation. It's about the fixation on one issue (whatever it is) and the inability to cope emotionally.

And don't tell us we don't know about constipation! Really, you seem weirdly insulted by this conversation when you shouldn't be.

Yes, I'm bothered by this conversation (and so many others here) because younger people are obsessed with diagnosing their parents with dementia. Their lives frequently cause anxiety. It is hard to age. It is hard to figure out how to manage getting old. But anxiety and dementia are not always the same. I don't disagree that it can be related. But the absolute pronouncement of dementia, yes, insults me.

I have been through this with a father in law, a father and a mother, in that order. It isn't always dementia. And many elderly end up dying early because the assumption is: Dementia! So let's just farm them off to a nursing home. When, frequently it is the nursing home care, or lack thereof, that kills them.

Dementia, like ADHD and autism, is a constellation of diseases that we know much better these days than previously. So instead of complaining that it's over-diagnosed, you have to understand it used to be under-diagnosed! Just like ADHD and autism. Research makes progress on mental health, albeit much slower than for physical illness.

The MAJORITY of elderly people in this country will end up with dementia at some point. That's just the reality of old age, and medical progress that allows us to identify cases. And when a patient cannot be safely cared for at home, well then, what would you do, PP?

We are not young people. We are middle aged, since our parents are old enough to show signs of dementia. Some of us are highly educated, intelligent people. I'm a research scientist and my husband is a doctor. DCUM in general skews wealthy and educated.

You seem to be confusing a casual conversation that is meant to direct OP to the right doctors, with a formal medical pronouncement. Only a practicing doctor can diagnose dementia. Are you saying there are fake diagnoses?

Your post reeks of ignorance, prejudice, and much insecurity. If you're worried about getting carted off to a home, well, make provisions for yourself while you still can. This is what my MIL did. She hired a rotating cast of aides to cook, clean, give her meds and massages, and help her get about, and stipulated that her money be used for home care until she died. Her kids do exactly that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, what is your solution?

A fair question. I don't have a definitive answer. What I have learned is that aging is incredibly hard and scary. For all of those who say (in theory when they are younger) that they would want to just die rather than face the challenges of aging are frequently delusional. Every single person I have been forced to help at the end of life has been terrified of "being over", for lack of a better word. Even in one case where he said: I want to die. It turned out he really didn't want to die, he wanted his life to be fixed.

I also think it is a huge stressor for those having to deal with it. It certainly about killed be--which is only slightly hyperbolic.

I guess my solution is that we have to help them help themselves. If they won't, then I do think that we can't feel guilty.

The thread that got me earlier today was about the mom with heart failure. I am not there, but the idea that she should just go to Hospice when the mom didn't want to felt problematic. But I also realize that I am not there. I would just like for people to think in nuance rather than in black and white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have ease of bowel movement then you can never understand the stress of it not happen easily. As you get older, the body just doesn't work as well. So the concern about making it work well becomes the obsession in a way that work or kids or social life or whatever was an obsession in younger life.

Walk in my shoes before casting stones and throwing things around like: Oh, he is obsessed with something I am not obsessed with so he must have dementia.

And no, I am not elderly.

And you don't understand the pattern of anxiety and obsession that precedes a dementia diagnosis. This isn't about the constipation. It's about the fixation on one issue (whatever it is) and the inability to cope emotionally.

And don't tell us we don't know about constipation! Really, you seem weirdly insulted by this conversation when you shouldn't be.

Yes, I'm bothered by this conversation (and so many others here) because younger people are obsessed with diagnosing their parents with dementia. Their lives frequently cause anxiety. It is hard to age. It is hard to figure out how to manage getting old. But anxiety and dementia are not always the same. I don't disagree that it can be related. But the absolute pronouncement of dementia, yes, insults me.

I have been through this with a father in law, a father and a mother, in that order. It isn't always dementia. And many elderly end up dying early because the assumption is: Dementia! So let's just farm them off to a nursing home. When, frequently it is the nursing home care, or lack thereof, that kills them.

Dementia, like ADHD and autism, is a constellation of diseases that we know much better these days than previously. So instead of complaining that it's over-diagnosed, you have to understand it used to be under-diagnosed! Just like ADHD and autism. Research makes progress on mental health, albeit much slower than for physical illness.

The MAJORITY of elderly people in this country will end up with dementia at some point. That's just the reality of old age, and medical progress that allows us to identify cases. And when a patient cannot be safely cared for at home, well then, what would you do, PP?

We are not young people. We are middle aged, since our parents are old enough to show signs of dementia. Some of us are highly educated, intelligent people. I'm a research scientist and my husband is a doctor. DCUM in general skews wealthy and educated.

You seem to be confusing a casual conversation that is meant to direct OP to the right doctors, with a formal medical pronouncement. Only a practicing doctor can diagnose dementia. Are you saying there are fake diagnoses?

Your post reeks of ignorance, prejudice, and much insecurity. If you're worried about getting carted off to a home, well, make provisions for yourself while you still can. This is what my MIL did. She hired a rotating cast of aides to cook, clean, give her meds and massages, and help her get about, and stipulated that her money be used for home care until she died. Her kids do exactly that.

I responded to the other poster. And no, this isn't me with no experience here. It is having been through it with three elderly relatives.

I do wholeheartedly agree that people would do well to hire all necessary people to help them at the end rather than depend on their kids. We are doing just that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:P.S. My father was "diagnosed" with dementia when it was an UTI. I insisted that he be tested, then treated for that, and lo and behold, he was perfectly fine after that.

UTIs frequently present as dementia.

That is also well known, and often repeated on these boards. You seem very, very worried about this. OP appears to have everything well in hand. Maybe you should relax.